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To text or not to text...

Pook's picture

I have noticed in various blogs that some step-moms talk about their BMs texting them or calling them. My BM was never given my cell number - nope, definitely don't get along - and to be honest, I never really thought of her needing to have it.

Were you given the choice to hand over your phone number or was it just "Oh and here is step-mom's number in case you feel the need to rage like a psycho tornado"?

How do you feel about your BM having access to you and your number like that?

Comments

3familiesIn1's picture

Mmm, interesting question.

I gave my girls SM my phone number and I have hers. I have never once called or texted her - I do have it in my phone in the off chance I need it - like to fill out paperwork for the schools was the last time I used it - to view it and write it down.

Now, it will be a cold day in hell that I give BM MY cell - her children have nothing to do with me - that is for my DH to deal with - LMAO - double standard much.

However, like I said, I don't spam my girls SM with calls and texts, its informational only and I only communicate through my XH (although I'd rather talk to her anyway but that is another topic)

BM doesn't need my number - she is too busy removing me from school records and such - I am apparently on a need to know basis and she thinks I don't need to know. Dh was complaining the other day I didn't remind him of such and such at the school - I said oh - I didn't know, I am no longer on the email lists - go figure - and let it all go. What I don't know cannot be pushed as my responsibility.

No - I would not give my cell to the BM.

Unfreakingreal's picture

To be honest I have no idea how ZooMonkey has my number but I've had the same number for over 15 years. She could have gotten it from anyone. She has our house number too. I think when the Skids called her years ago she just stored the number.

justanothergurlNJ's picture

BM and I did speak at one time, she tried getting mouthy with at one point and I shut that shit down FAST. She still has my number but would never even think about texting or email me none the less call me and go CRAZY BM on me. That bitch doesn't have the balls, she knows I will WHOOP her ass!

Imgoingtoscream's picture

My skid's BM has my cell number. I don't have hers, when I changed phones I erased her number. After the court case in which she said she didn't want to have any contact with me since i was not her kids' BM I erased it. When she texts me I just delete it. If the kids want to call her when they are with us they are told to use their dad's phone. I don't pass along any messages she sends me either. She has DH's number use it he'll get back to you when he can. I've even been tempted to change my number but I've had it for so long she's not really worth the inconvenience. She bitches to my DH all the time that I won't answer her text messages, I'm not sure what his response is but he hasn't talked to me about it. I'm out of the game and I feel like I've won.

Pook's picture

See, your situation just proves the crazy that is there... your BM said she didn't want any contact with you.. and yet she will text you - DAFUQ????

Imgoingtoscream's picture

Crazy how they get what they want but that's still not good enough. She's beyond looney and constantly contradicting herself.

mama_althea's picture

I changed all my phone numbers. She eventually got the house phone number...still not sure how. SO shocked me, manned up, and told her never to call the home phone unless it involved needing 911.

Anyway, no. I do not plan on BM having the ability to contact me.

tweetybird74's picture

I guess I am fortunate in this situation. I have BM's number and she has mine. It is simply for incase of emergency. SS is 17 now and we have had custody for 7 years. In 10 years I have talked to her maybe once or twice to say hello. She never calls our home eventhough she has the number. She has her son's cell number but rarely contacts him either. If she were to text me I would likely just ignore it tell my DH about it and let him respond. I did have the mis-fortune to speak with her fiance once he was told to never call or speak to anyone again.

Pook's picture

It sounds like you ladies have some very clear lines drawn when it comes to the use of your personal phones!

I just cannot imagine having to deal directly with my BM unless it involved something to do with 911, as mama_althea said.

I am a bit floored about those step-moms who have to deal with the BMs calling them. Perhaps if it were a friendly relationship, but I definitely don't want my BM knowing ANYTHING about my life

mama_althea's picture

Oh, we've come a loooooong way. 2 years ago she was calling the house phone upwards of 15 times a day. I'm not kidding. She MADE us have to be strict about it.

bmhateclub's picture

When I was dating DH, my Skid was young at that time and had just received a cell so skid being excited she programmed my number. Sure enough, 2 days later I get a text from BM's cell introducing herself.

I could not believe it. We were only dating. When I told DH he lost it. And that is the "cray cray" in my life LOL

twopines's picture

BM and I never had each other cell numbers. No need for it. She didn't even have our land line number. DH didn't want any chance of her bothering me.

SMof2Girls's picture

BM has my number because she hacked into DH's email and got it. I've had the number for so long, I don't want to change it.

She used to text me a lot just to stir up shit. I told her I was forwarding all her harrassing texts to the police department and DH's lawyer. She stopped for a very long time.

The next "round" came a few months ago. She took about 30 texts to tell me I had to respect her as a mother and support her decisions. I politely told her that birthing out spawn from the cave between her legs does not entitle her to a damn thing from me, including respect or support. Not in those exact words, but that's how I like to remember it }:)

She hasn't texted me since.

PeanutandSons's picture

Both bms had my cell phone number in the past....but I assume that they've both lost my number. They both go through phoneblike they are tic tacs (that tends to happen when you don't pay your bill). But they don't call for their but once every year or two, and they have called dhs phone for the past 5 or so years.

LRP75's picture

If BM has my number, she has never used it. I do have her number, but have never used it.

I know that I scare the crap out of BM. Or so I've been told by everyone in her family. One of her aunts told me that, "BM has met her match in you." Her other aunt told me that flat-out that I terrify BM.

Every time BM has tried to come after my H for some crap, I have shut her down at every angle. I even just started telling her kids the truth about her lies (only after asking them if they wanted to hear our/their fathers side of the story).

I, personally, have a very clear demarcation of what type of crap I will or will not put up with. BM abusing my cell phone # would fall into the category of something that I would not put up with. I'd nail her ass for harassment in a heartbeat and I would relish in how horrible I could make her life for being such a dumb ass. This homie don't play that shit.

hereiam's picture

In 16 years, BM has only had our land line number. SD is now 21 and even she does not have our cell numbers. If we are not home, we will get the message when we get home.

Of course, we have no contact with BM now, thank God. The one time she has called since CS ended, was to get my husband's help to break up their daughter's marriage. Oh, now you want to play nice and co-parent? He told her he had nothing to say to her, EVER. She's not called again. Smile

bmhateclub's picture

Woo hoo! I cannot wait for this day to come for us! Damn I am going to have a big ass party when my last step turns 18!

Lalena75's picture

BM has mine well not exactly I set up a Google voice account just for her as a control issue for myself. I can block her anytime it stores emails and forwards her texts and voicemails and calls to my phone. It's more for documentation than anything. I finally convinced SO to do the same. Any time SO ignores her she tries me I get a kjck out of reminding her my number is for an emergency only not the ranting of crazy bullshit. Standard response every time. I've got some great texts of her threats and SO has started to record all calls (not our state she has to be told it's an auto message at the beginning of recording that tells her shes being recorded) he always asks to speak with the kids after he starts recording you can here her better on the recordings telling the kids what to say and having his dd lie that her brother is sick (because he is always at his uncles). I just like knowing I have a little control over the communication

MidgetWarrior411's picture

My DH and I shared a phone for almost two years. BM doesn't work a lot and loves drama! We have had to tell her to stop contacting us multiple times due to all her harassment. They lived out of state for a lot of it so calling the cops wasn't really an option. We have kept all of it for documentation though. Recently though my DH got his own phone, since they cant agree on anything, we just let her keep my number and have used that for scheduling and everything. Since our court date yesterday she has sent me multiple harassing texts. I ignore all the crap she says and just tell her to no longer contact us on the phone. That really pissed BM off so now we have to resort to certified mail, i'm changing my number and after reading the comments on here we're getting a land line asap!

Hindsightis2020's picture

I can see it either way. I guess that my conclusion would be that, if the stepmom has minor step kids and takes them places without the dad, then BM and SM would be better off having one another's phone numbers in case of a real emergency. In my case, my elder stepdaughter has Type 1 Diabetes, and if something happened to her while she was with me and my husband wasn't answering his phone, I would want to be able to contact BM, for the kid's sake.

That said, if BM was harassing me with texts or phone calls, I would block her.