Step Daughters Don't Think I Do Anything??? VENT!!!!
Hey! VENT!!!
So, lets forget about the crap where DH and I are trying to figure out our shit, get on the same page and him help me more.
What really pisses me off is that my SD's told my son they don't think it is fair that I don't have to do anything around the house and they do, and I've also overheard comments about me not doing dishes too and snapped on them.
First of all, it has been like trying to pull teeth to get them to do chores, without whining. And second, yeah, I work full time, do online classes FULL TIME, I'm also planning my brother's baby shower, planning the kids' dinners, helping my DS with HW and everything. If I took away the full time classes, it would be easy to add in dishes, clearing the table, etc. I still do the deep cleaning and laundry that no one else will do, when I can!
The least you can do is dishes, bathrooms, keep your shit out of the living room you little POS's! I'm trying to make a better life for us and get us out of this apartment! I'm doing it for you! Can you do something for me??
You know... It hurts.. I can't help but take it personal. They will look back one day and think "my step mom was so lazy, my dad did all the housework (Bullshit BTW), and she just laid in bed on her laptop."
Even though they wanted me to take online classes to that I could stay home, I did this time and now it is biting me in the ass. I feel like less of a mom. No matter what I do, I can't do it right, whether it is my approach with my SD's, getting my DH to be on my team instead of theirs, maybe it is me instead of them.
Maybe I have turned into such an evil, demanding, controlling, person that keeps putting walls and boundaries up that I just make these people hate me more. I was a nice person before that laughed a lot and now I just feel like crying constantly.
It seems stupid to want to cry over this. over little girls telling everyone that I don't do enough? I feel like I have given up so much, done so much, every day, for 6 years, since they were so little, that they still don't appreciate it.
I'm just so frustrated. Thank you for listening.
Have you told your SDs any of
Have you told your SDs any of this? That you work to provide for the home and that you are on your laptop taking classes so that you can help better all of your lives? That they do need to do their part, which is whatever an adult tells them to do? Put them in their place and then let it go.
Have you told your DH that he needs to have your back and explain to his daughters what's what?
I would not worry about what they think but your DH had better have your back and make sure the SDs do what they are supposed to do around the house.
Seriously, don't let these girls get the best of you. They will never appreciate what you do for them so concentrate on your marriage, yourself and your son. Let go of being worried about what they think or what they tell others. If you feel you need to explain things to your son to counter what they have told him, do so but other than that, don't let it get to you, you have enough on your plate.
What a relief to hear this.
What a relief to hear this. Just some encouragement that I'm doing something worthwhile not to worry about them is a huge weight off my shoulders. lol. I just wish the dh could give me this feeling of relief in these situations!
This all happened the other day when they weren't here. My son blasted them and dh called them and said "no what ds8 said is not completely true! The only things I say about that is that SM doesn't do anything around the house and the house is messy, the dishes are never done" It was a big fight because we took our own kids sides... once we made up, we agreed that we need to all be together and he said he would communicate everyones role, then get to the bottom of this and address it and we all will together. I told him that if he doesn't do it completely, then i will step in lol.
Thank you, I'm trying to not let these girls get the best of me.. geez why do i take everything so personal! Im supposed to be the adult here but i think im just going crazy because it never ends.
I too have determined that no
I too have determined that no matter what I did for the skids they never appreciated a single thing. They too never, ever helped me around the house. I would tell them that my rule was no food in the bedrooms so they would sneak it and I would find wrappers, juice boxes etc. under the beds and in the drawers. Gum stuck under the window etc. I would always totally clean before going to bed and would come downstairs in the morning to a sink full of dirty dishes and gold fish crackers smashed in the carpeting. And they were just here on the weekends. I cant imagine having to live that every day! I dreaded the weekends and there were times when I only came out of my bedroom to eat. I just couldn't take it any more. Don't get me wrong I was very good to these kids. DH will always say that I did more for them than their mother but at the end of the day it just didn't matter. It's hard but after many, many years I found that if I tried not to care so much and if I stopped reaching out to them and stop extending myself to them and stopped spending my hard earned money on them it didn't hurt as much.
I don't know if this will help you or not but I found that with my children hanging a chore chart on the fridge helped. I also found that putting in writing what I expected instead of asking/telling the kids worked better. You can add yourself to the tasks on the chore chart so that they can actually see what you do and that you are contributing.
I can definitely relate.
I can definitely relate. Sometimes I just stay in my bed and use the time they are here in particular to do homework. But it usually filters into my private time... My whole saturday alone ive been doing hw.. sigh! lol
That is a great idea, Ill try a chore chart. We've done it before but I think they are old enough now to really stand behind it. Thank you!
I have to try the chore chart
I have to try the chore chart idea. I have pretty much a similar situation. I've asked the boys not to eat in the room or living room but they don't listen. I really don't care what their room is like but the living room usually has cups, plates, spoons, crumbs, wrappers in the floor, etc. It still boggles my mind how a 10 year old and 15 year old throw garbage on the floor like that's nornal. I hate when I go to work, leave the house nice and clean, I get back home and the apartment is filthy. SO isn't consistent with holding them accountable because he works a split shift and he doesn't see them Monday through Wednesday unless it's right before they go to school.
I did at that time, I kind of
I did at that time, I kind of snapped. So im surprised this happened. When they come back we will all talk so hopefully that will go well
Time to show them what you
Time to show them what you not doing anything looks like. So, do nothing and add what you usually do to their lists. Give them a week, maybe two, then ask them how they like doing everything now that you are doing absolutely nothing.
Be the wicked step mother that they the think you are. And have fun doing it. }:)
Yeah I think they would be
Yeah I think they would be more hurt if I pulled away attention. I want so badly to tell them that if they are going to treat me like this then I will no longer be playing, helping them or giving them anything. Just don't know if I can do that!
But i say it in my mind over and over... :O
Sometimes even bio moms in
Sometimes even bio moms in intact families go on strike to teach their children a lesson.
You guys all rock. I feel so
You guys all rock. I feel so much better!!
When I looked at going back
When I looked at going back to school for my masters degree, I looked at three schools.
One was a 20 min drive, one 45 min drive, one an hour drive.
They offered slightly different specialization of what I wanted for my masters degree. When I brought these three options to DH, he said, "what online options are you considering, because I would prefer you stayed home."
I laughed and said, "yeah I bet you would. And then when would I have class or study? In between laundry loads during the day? Yeah right! You and the kids would never let me study or attend online class in peace!"
It was like I foiled his plans.... he thought he was getting a stay at home wife out of a masters degree seeking wife- yeah right. The look on his face.um, no. That is not happening.
Hahaha thats awesome!!! Did
Hahaha thats awesome!!! Did you get your masters?