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Shared bedrooms

Dreamer616's picture

Needing some advice and suggestions. My partner and I have 4 children who live with us. My 2 bio children are a boy 3 and girl 6. My partners children are a girl 9 and boy 12. We have a 3 bedroom house my partner and I share one room and then we have 2 for the kids. Currently my two kids share a room and his two kids share a room. My kids are with us all the time except for 4 days a month. His kids are here every Thursday after school till Saturday at 5 pm. I think the girls 6 & 9 should share a room and the boys 3 and 12 should share a room. In part because of their genders but also because my two bio kids are here the majority of the time and the other room just sits empty 4-5 nights a weeks. my partner doesn't like this idea because my kids get up much earlier in the mornings than his kids. His kids stay up really late 12-1 am at their moms house. Any ideas or alternative suggestions? 

stepmomnorth's picture

I agree with your idea. Keep the boys together and girls together. That makes sense. Also like you said why have a room sit empty while his kids aren't there? I don't agree with your partners logic about his kids waking up later. Your bios are there more often, they'd probably enjoy having their own room on some days. 

ndc's picture

I would think your partner, who has the older children, would welcome your suggestion.  A 12 year old and a 9 year old of the opposite sex are getting a bit too old for sharing.  How early do your kids get up?  I assume it's not an issue on Friday mornings, since that's a school day and everyone needs to be up fairly early anyway, so we're probably only talking about one day every other week, right?  I see no issues with the 6 and 9 year old girls sharing.  OTOH, a 12 year old boy will probably not be wild about sharing with a 3 year old.  Do you have any other space that could be converted for sleeping, like a room in a basement or attic?  Alternatively, is one of the kids' bedrooms big enough to partition it to give the 12 year old some private space?  If not, it's only a couple nights a week, and I still think putting a 12 and 3 year together is better than having the opposite gender children share.  

Dreamer616's picture

I have to be to work by 7am so I wake my kids up at 6:00 am during the week and they are in bed by 7:30-8pm.

We both agree that 12 & 1 is way to late for his kids but their mom is unwilling to change what time they go to bed at her house. My partner feels expecting them to drastically change their bedtimes at our house for a couple nights a week is unfair to them. So he has them go to bed on their nights with us by 11pm. They get up for school at 7am. 
We do not have extra space to make another sleeping area/ bedroom at least for now. We are hopeful to buy a larger home in the future. The kids bedrooms are fairly small but I think there is space to create some privacy either with furniture arrangement or a partition. 

caninelover's picture

Your idea is the most practical.  If your kids are up at 6 am and his are up at 7 am that is only an hour and not a reason for them not to share with your kids.  And the days they are gone your kids will have their own rooms so it makes sense.

lieutenant_dad's picture

At 9 and 12, that is way too late to stay up and get enough sleep for school. I would think your partner would want his kids in bed and at least attempting to sleep by then, be darned what they do at BM's house. It's a silly, and frankly irresponsible, reason to not allow the kids to share rooms. 

ETA: When having the boys share a room, don't make it too little kid for the older boy. That will likely mean picking neutral bedding, keeping toys picked up and put away, putting up shelves that allow the 12 year old to display and keep his things out of reach from a toddler, etc. I shared a room with my sister who is 6 years younger than me, and I was always so annoyed that everything felt very childish. Barney comforters were not cool to sleep under and have friends see at 12 years old.

Dreamer616's picture

We both agree that their sleep schedule is ridiculous but their mom won't budge on the issue. 
All the kids need space for their own personal items that the other kids don't get into. But yes space that is out of reach of the toddler and decorated appropriately for both of their ages is important. All the kids need to feel like they have their own space and that this is their home regardless of how much time they spend here

Rags's picture

I would go with your model.  Put a twin/trundle bed in each room and his kids can use the pull out/pop up when they are there.  

As for early Vs late risers.... the house has a routine, kids adapt and comply with it.

End of discussion.

strugglingSM's picture

People get all up in arms about sharing, but really, it used to be the norm. My aunt and uncle shared a literal pantry (and not a big pantry, either, but a long thin pantry with a tiny window in a house built in the 1860s) until my aunt was too big to sleep on the mini bed on the pantry alcove (around age 3 or 4), then she moved in to a room with my mom and other aunt.

I think your idea seems the most reasonable. His kids will just have to adjust their waking habits or learn to go back to sleep....it's not like waking times are set in stone.