Um this sounds really weird. Why does he call her his word?? And why can't she call him dad?? 

Also he's delusional to think that honor roll female students don't look at porn. Give me a break. 

And no. I don't agree with vastly different rules unless one set of kids has proven to need more restriction or supervision. 

Don't move in. 

Just no

Call cps..that's just fd up. Daddy issues much?

Dup

Dup 

Yea... I think I would be evaluating a lot more than if you should move in with him (big fat no from me on that). 

TBH I think I would be having MAJOR doubts about him as a partner.

It is beyond strange that your adopted child doesn't call you dad.

4 boys in a room is a recipe for disaster. How big is this room that will hold four beds? Even bunk beds is going to be a point of contention. Pediatricians recommend no one under six. If you Google some recommend no one under 12. Your kids will have earlier bedtimes so either the 12 year olds go to bed really early or they need to stay out of their room.

If boys share a room, your boys will get the same rules as his boys. Will that be ok with you?

Girl has different rules. She's the princess. Is she now or could she become a mini wife? Will you have adult status in this household? Or will the girl overrule you?

You are considering moving in. From what you wrote, I think you should reconsider and not move in.

If the girl is truly adopted, then it is bizarre for him to refer to her as his "ward" and not treat her like his own child.  Was she adopted as a baby or much later?  I don't think his being easier on her than on his boys has anything to do with her being a girl - I think he just doesn't care as much about her and how she turns out.  And I would NOT move in with him.

This is weird and creepy. Plus, logistically, four boys of varying ages in one room?! Why put your kids through that if you don’t have to? 

If this was his daughter besides the lock thing it would make some sense.

However- she's adopted but not really ? I'm getting some weird vibes off the Mr. Bit...

Have you ever stayed a night over ? If so try to keep an eye on those two.. you may have to call CPS and ditch the relationship

Doesn't talk much. Stays in her room. Different rules. Not close to the dad and boys. 

While this may make the household run smoothly, I'm not sure this is good for her. She's not forming the healthy attachments that lead to good emotional health as an adult and the ability to chose and be a good partner. This girl is basically living in a very nice orphanage.

This girl needs therapy to deal with the death of her mom, the abandonment by bio dad, and the hands off attitude of her adoptive father. She is going to need help processing the addition of a new adult and two children to the household whether you move in and accept the status quo (she won't be in the way) or try to change some of the dynamics. Children process death over time. Milestones, such as adding new household members, often cause a child to reprocess a patent's death and this processing can cause unforseen problems. 

I wouldn’t move in. I’m not sure how you expect 4 boys from ages 5-12 to share a room. It’d be one thing if they were all siblings, but they’re not. Putting a 5 & 7 year old in with 12 year old stepbrothers is unreasonable. I’m not sure what you & your BF are thinking, but it doesn’t seem like either of you are making the kids a priority with this decision. 

The relationship your BF has with his DD is strange at best. Having her call him Mr Lastname? Is that what your sons have to call him? What kind of affection is this girl receiving? Does she have ties at all still with her mothers side of the family? Does she get to see/spend time with them at all?

Something feels really off about all of this & you’ve got major blinders on by the sounds of it. I can’t imagine lumping unrelated kids of various ages together just so I could shack up with a guy. I get wanting to move forward in your relationship, but this environment sounds like a recipe for disaster. 

Every response you give is in support of this situation, despite not a single person thinking this is normal and okay (me included). So what exactly do you want to know/hear? If it's an echo chamber, check out your state park website for a list of local caves.

This cannot be real. 

Don’t move in. 

Why on Earth would you consider moving yourself and your sons into this situation?

Aside from the weird ass ward thing, why would you want to cram your boys into a single room with two other boys? 

Oh, and this guy sounds like he's either a moron (as if porn is the only trouble a kid can get into online) or he's a lazy tool regarding the girl. Either way, you can't cure stupid.

Red flags ALL OVER this....I wish there was an EMOJI for this! This does not sound right in any way, shape, or form and I don't think you should subject your kids to this nonsense. Have you ever stayed with him for long periods of time to KNOW how it would be to live with him/them? You could be setting yourself up for misery and from the sounds of it he seems very strange.

Double standards and different rules are not good for any of the kids involved. It could lead to rebellious behavior, jealousy and other emotions that will make an impact on how your kids will interact with you .

Am I the only one who sees him keeping this girl at arm's length and not developing a parental type relationship so that he can potentially have a self-designed mate at some point?  There was a 1950 era book and movie called "Daddy Long-leggs"  that had an older man supporting a young girl as a ward.  They of course ended up "in love" and married.  The difference is that she lived in a boarding school and they communicated mostly through letters I believe.  I just get really weird vibes from this.  

Is this normal and okay

Read your replies. You've gotten your answer. It's not normal. It's not ok.

Different kids can have different rules.. but as most everyone has pointed out.. this is a seriously weird situation.

The girl doesn't have a family.. even your SO probably is only taking her in because there was money involved to take care of her.  His ward?  seriously.. kids (normal kids) need to have some level of kindness and affection.  The fact that your SO has allowed this situation to develop is terrible.

I wouldn't subject your boys to this bizarre dynamic.  It's not normal, it's downright creepy and possibly borderling neglectful.  Your SO is not behaving normally.  you owe it to your sons to protect them from this kind of messed up environment.

"  He also refers to her as his ward and expects her to call him Mr. [Lastname], which she does and refrain from interacting with the boys, which she also does "

You're all over the place with your 'facts' of the situation. You start out with "he  expects"    both the Mr. Lastname and for the teen to refrain from interacting with his boys. You even follow both with "an she does" (meaning follow his expectations). 

And you wonder why the teen doesn't eat at the table with the family? You just told us she isn't allowed to interact with the boys.

But then you change to this is all her idea. At the ripe old age of eight she came in and lays out how things would be and how they wouldn't be. He even offered her a "sweet" business deal she accepted (as to her cash benefits "share").  And tell *us* that in his childhood it was perfectly normal for children to not want/need families? I suppose we're to believe these particular children just raised and took care of themselves? 

I'm not sure what your point was in your writing and questions of "rules" was to begin with. None of the 'rules' you listed are over the top for 12 year old boys (nor 5 and 7 year olds). The only jumping the shark thing is that you're honestly considering moving your 5 and 7 year old in and smashing them like sardines in a can in a single bedroom with two 12 year olds.

The girl? She's nothing more than a rent paying stranger tenant who rents out one room. She could be anybody. 

This isn't a red flag situation. This is a bloody NIGHTMARE.

Why on earth would you move in and do this to your children??? Is being with a man THAT important?

Four boys of varying ages in one room is a HORRIBLE idea. This isn't summer camp. If you are adamant about moving in together, a NEW home needs to be found. One with an adequate number of bedrooms.

As for the "ward"... This man is an idiot because she is legally his DAUGHTER. Must call him Mr. Lastname. Pffft.

Frankly, I would be extremely suspcious that he is grooming her. Or that he already has.

NO MAN is that bloody wonderful that you should ignore all of these glaring warning signs and move in.