Bedroom Drama

Forums:

I really need some advice. I've reading on here for a long time but only just built up the courage to post.

I'm now nearly 7 months pregnant with mine and my DH first baby. He has 2 sons from a previous relationship SS12 and SS14. I have a DD10 and DS13 We are lucky enough at the moment to be able to give all the children a bedroom each but now the baby will be along (and living in the house all the time) we need two children to share. I thought this would be an easy decision as his sons already share a bedroom at their moms house. My children are different genders so that isn't fair. Anyway my DH has suggested that his eldest keep one of the biggest rooms in the house and SS10 and DS11 share. His are only with us for 2 nights of the week. Mine are with us for 5 nights out of the week.

i really hate the idea of SS sharing with my DS. My DS would be easy going about it but he has never had to share a room before and it's not even his brother! Surely the two actual brothers should share (especially as they are used to sharing at their moms). My DH worries they won't want to come to our house if they are sharing.

It's small things like SS10 needs the light on at night and my DS doesn't. SS's room is always messy and smells sometimes and I don't want that in my DS's space.

what do I do?

In my opinion, the two kids

In my opinion, the two kids who are only there two nights a week should share a room. Why would anyone need their own bedroom at a house that they spend two nights a week at? It doesn't take much logic to figure this one out, but of course, your DH is going off of daddy guilt. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this!

Anyway my DH has suggested

Anyway my DH has suggested that his eldest keep one of the biggest rooms in the house---

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How about turning that big room into 2 smaller rooms...is that possible?

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Way back when boys shared a room and girls shared a room. Bunk beds and twin beds. The crib was in the parents room until the child was in a twin bed.

Just in case you must stick everyone together. Its fun actually. Best childhood memories sharing a room with my sister,,spooky stories and just kid thing. Not absent of some problems but we made it thru.

Good Luck with everything and congrats on the new baby soon to arrive. Very exciting

I'm confused by the ages. In

I'm confused by the ages. In one place you say the SS's are 12 and 14 and DS is 13. In another you talk about SS10 and DS11. If his kids are in fact 12 and 14, I think they should share - first because they're related and close in age, and second because they are only there 2 nights a week. If they're 10 and 14, that's a bigger age gap and I might reconsider. But if your DS is 13 as you initially said, I still think the SS's should room together.

The other very important consideration is neatness. I think it's a bad idea to put a messy kid in with a neat kid. That is sooo unfair to the neat child. If two of the boys are closer in terms of messiness, those two should probably go together.

Do you have any space elsewhere that you could reclaim as a bedroom? When DH and I had a baby last year, we took a storage room in the basement and made it a bedroom for SD7, which meant no one had to share.

Sorry SS are 14 and 12 and DS

Sorry SS are 14 and 12 and DS is 13. Not really got anywhere else for a bedroom unfortunately

Kids who reside in the home a

Kids who reside in the home a greater % of the time should have priority when it comes to rooms. As for pairing your DS with one or the other of the SSs, Nope. Yours is 13 and the SSs are 12&14. Pairing them by age is a mathmatical wash. DS has the same age difference with both the youngest and eldest SSs.

I would give the DD a room, DS a room, the baby a room and the SSs can share a room. Screens can be used to give some privacy if they are both there at the same time. Pairing the full BioBros makes the most sense to me. Their age difference is not that significant that it should cause a problem.

My younger brother and I have a 6 year age difference. We shared a room for 4 years when I was 10-14 and he was 4-8. It was great. We never had problems during those years. Other than when I was grounded or had to take town all of the books and remove everything from the furniture to dust and oil it. Doing that with my little brother under foot was a PITA. We both remember those years fondly and though we have always been close, that is probably the period that made us as close as we have been since. He just turned 50 two days ago.

I miss him.

The two SS who only sleep there only two night a week

And most likely will stop coming over in a year or two should share the bedroom. They do it at BM so they are used to each other. Stop listening to DH trying to reinvent things.

I guess it's settled lol, we

I guess it's settled lol, we all agree SSs should share a room. As Rags said, "Kids who reside in the home a greater % of the time should have priority when it comes to rooms. "

Don't let DH tell you otherwise. Stand your ground. Congratulations on your baby!

Thanks so much for all your

Thanks so much for all your comments.

Has anyone got any suggestions on how to approach this with DH without an argument and potential stalemate?

Go for raw logic. Use

Go for raw logic. Use percentage times spent in the house. Use primary residences. He who spends most time in the house gets his own room. He who has his primary residence there gets his own room. And so on. As a grand finale, his kids are full bio-brothers therefore it's less uncomfortable for them to share. His kids are already sharing in their mother's home so they are actually used to it so why make things awkward?

PS - It might also be interesting to ask SS12 who he'd rather share with - his brother or his stepbrother.

I think he'd rather share

I think he'd rather share with his brother anyway (hopefully). Thanks for your reply. I'm going to write a list of my thoughts down and go through it with him. I think we could actually split the biggest room (not fully but enough to be private). He just has a lot of dad guilt and this is what drives him into making illogical decisions. If they where all my boys perhaps it would be different but they aren't. Bio brothers (in my view) should share if that's an option Also the oldest boy shouldn't have the second largest bedroom on his own if he is only here two nights a week.

It's difficult because DH always takes so much offence and is so overprotective. I need to tread carefully