Feel like a shitty mom.... cant get this out of my head
We live in a 3 bedroom house. SS has one, SD has inexorably and Dh, bs2.5, and I are in the master bedroom. Newborn bs will be joining us in the master come May when he is born as well.
This weekend, bs comes up to me (in the living room) and asks if this is how room. I explain that this is everybody's room to share. Br continues to ask why he doesn't have a room. I tell him that he shares mommy and daddys room. Then he says, but there's no bed in this room, can this be my room? No buddy, you share with mommy and daddy. But I want a room too, like SS and SD. But ee don't have enough room for that hun, I'm sorry. Because we only have 3 bedrooms?. Yes hun, there are only three bedrooms.
He was so dejected. I feel like the shittyest mom ever, I can't even get my son a bedroom. He's only going to notice more and more as he gets older how much those kids completely dominate our lives.
Exorably= the other. Damn
Exorably= the other. Damn auto correct on my phone, lol
Are the skids with you full
Are the skids with you full time? How old is the oldest?
Yep, 7 days a week, 365 days
Yep, 7 days a week, 365 days a year
SS is ten and SD is nine.
SS is ten and SD is nine.
SO why doesn't SS and bio
SO why doesn't SS and bio share a room? Mom and dad should get their own room.
No, we live in FL, so no
No, we live in FL, so no basement or attic.
The rooms arent big, and
The rooms arent big, and currently SD is in the bigger of the two. So even if we switched the rooms, the bigger room would only.just hold the two beds and maybe a dresser. But the main reason ee haven't done that is that I don t trust the skid to be unsupervised with bs. SS, specifically, has adhd and has issues controling himself and bs often ends up hurt. But just the logistics of having a toddler in the same room as a 10 yr old. Bs still takes naps, and goes to bed early, so that would kick SS out of his room for part of the day, SS has a lot of toys that have small sharp pieces (not appropriate for a 2 yr old), SS watches tv in how room, and its not stuff I let my bs watch, ect ect.
That just wouldn't work for us.
He does have a bed of his
He does have a bed of his own, it is just located in our room.
SD is actually worse, I just focused SS before because he was the one people asked about. While SS unintentionay hurts bs, SD has anger issues and purposely injures both her brothers. Two years ago she punched out one of SS adult teeth, he has a cap now. I suspect she has a mild case of RAD. We can't even leave the two skids alone together because it will result in physical violence.
Well, I want to convert the
Well, I want to convert the living room into a master bedroom/ computer room, and let the two little boys take our bedroom, but Dh is reluctant to do that. It would involve re-wiring the house to put a cable jack in the entryway to turn that into the living room, and the whole house would then be quite cramped as the entry aY is the only "open space" in our home..
But being almost 8 months pregnant I can't exactly start.moving furniture and rearranging the house on my own.
Ultimately I want to sell this house and move, but the housing market is horible here and wed never be able to sell it.
You need to get a bigger
You need to get a bigger house. Now...not later. I am not being critical...but did you not see this happening when you got the house or when you got pregers again...?
Well, its my house.... So no,
Well, its my house.... So no, I didnt foresee this problem, as I didnt have skids when I bought this house.
When we decided to have bs, the skids were much younger and the depth of their issues were not apparent (still aren't to Dh, to a large extent).
When we decided to have our second baby, we thought we could move. But after consulting with several real estate agents there no way we can sell our home for what we owe, the market has completely fallen out in our area.
So this is YOUR house and HIS
So this is YOUR house and HIS kids have all the bedrooms? Than put the SKIDS in ONE room. They are blood related and can share a room. Give your BIO's the other room. You can make it work if you really want to. Get the kids OUT of your bedroom. Like ASAP.
My Skids are BOY & GIRL and
My Skids are BOY & GIRL and they shared a room for as long as I can remember. As a matter of fact, at BMs house they ALL slept in 1 room until SS moved in with us. We had twin beds, one for each. Recently, we got rid of the twin beds and got a Queen sized bed for SS19. When SD is over she gets to sleep in her brothers bed because he's not home Friday nights. Saturday, she sleeps on the couch. I shared a room with my 2 brothers my entire life.
Not all parents can afford to
Not all parents can afford to keep boys and girls from sharing a room. At times you have to make due with what you have.
Putting BS in the room with SS is a safety issue. The next best thing is to put the oldest two in one room and the younger two in the other.
I like this.
I like this.
I honestly don't mind sharing
I honestly don't mind sharing our room with bs. Makes this easier on me, to be right there when he need to pee in the middle of the night, falls out of bed, has a bad dream ect ect.
And I don't think he really.minds it either, I think he just noticed that the other kids have a whole room, with toys, and a tv and he doesn't. More than likely one of them was being mean to him saying "this is my room, get out".
If your dh is not down with
If your dh is not down with the boys sharing rooms.. he's a dumb butt. Sorry. That's my opinion.
What reason in the world would he have to think it's ok for the 2.5 bs to stay in the same room with you guys??
That's gross.. how did you even get pregnant? If he wanted to have sex with me.. that kid would be out of the room before you could say "take off your pants"!!!
What a jerk he is.
It's not going to hurt the boys to share a room. The younger one prolly goes to bed much earlier.. the older one sounds like he's an ok kid.
He might like to have bonding time with someone who's not like his sister!!
As I have said before, I am
As I have said before, I am the one who is against the boys sharing a room, not Dh (hs does agree with me on all my concerns though). SS has serious behavioral issues that makes it a safety concern to have him unsupervised with bs.
And we both have no problems with the younger two in our bedroom. I get that its not everyone's cup of tea, but we have no problems with it.
And as for how we concieved our soon-to-be youngest, there are far more places to dtd that the bedroom, lol. Even co-sleeping with bs when he was younger didn't slow us down in that department.
Yes you read that wrong. I
Yes you read that wrong. I said that there are more places than the bedroom to have sex. So having a child in the bedroom does not limit that, you just find other places in the house.
And we are staying in this
And we are staying in this house right now because we have no other option. We want to sell, but due to the economy, our house is underwater. We cent sell it right now for what we owe, and the bank is not allowing a short sale. My credit is tied up in this house, and I can't get another until I sell this one.
Hopefully the market improves in the next year or two and we can get a bigger home. But for now this is what we have to work with.
i suggest that you start
i suggest that you start making it uncomfortable for your DH to have them in the room. How about some peel and stick Disney characters on the walls, a mobile hanging over the bed and silly children's songs playing all the time? Perhaps then he will get the point that kids belong with kids and parents need some adult time!
Ok, for the fourth time. I do
Ok, for the fourth time. I do not mind the kids in my room. My Dh is not the one insisting that the skid have thier own rooms no matter what. Bioson can not be left alone with the skids because they will hurt him.
This post was not ment to be a battle of step vs bio.... Or me vs Dh. I am just frustrated and sad that I can't give my biosons everything that they deserve right now.
What if you took a partition
What if you took a partition (sp) in your room like cornered off a part just for your 2 year old? Then decorated the walls etc in there for him that you designated for him? Make it colorful? Like hang fancy kid curtains from the ceiling that give him the look of his own space away from you and your husband until you can figure out what you can do? I as a mom and sm of 6 kids understand your dilema. We have a 3 bedroom home. And when skids come it gets crazy on sleeping arrangements. I would not put the SS and SD in the same bedroom. That is something that just will only become an issue as they get a little bit older. Girls mature so much faster then boys. It's just a bad idea. I think you really need to think about the boys together in one room just see how it goes run a trial run of it. And if the younger one goes to bed earlier well that's life. Get the SS's stuff that he will want out of there during those times. He can sit in the living room and play. And nap time same deal. It really is something that you should consider. And make sure the door remains open at all times if you are worried about your child. Make a rule. The door can't be shut so you can hear etc. And at night get a baby monitor put it up in the closet where the SS can't see it so if anything goes on you can hear.
But while you are thinking about those options try to make your little one feel like yes you hear him and give him a designated area in your room block it off let him see that you are working on giving him the space he is asking for. I hope some of this helps.
I think the obvious solution
I think the obvious solution is to put all 4 kids in one bedroom and turn the 3rd bedroom into your own personal office.
Kidding, of course. If it's your house, I'd tell DH that he either needs to buy a bigger house (which isn't an option), or put his kids in the same room. I know you don't want it "you vs DH", but if the SS is going to possible hurt your BS, there is no way I'd put the 2 together. And your BS is going to need out of your room sooner or later (sounds like sooner rather than later).
Why can't the sd move into
Why can't the sd move into the smaller room? Was that already mentioned? Then the boys can at least share a space for toys and stuff. His bed can stay in your room until your sure it's safe for him to transition. Maybe if your ss knew that the bigger room was in it for him, you could convince him that he will have to play nice or lose the bigger room. I can't imagine the sd gets the bigger room if she's not willing to share space.
In the end, you may even be able to partition off a part of your room for him. You could build mini "walls" and let him have a place of his own. It's amazing how little it takes to make a kid happy.
Years ago, when I first got divorced. I had five kids and myself. We had to sell our big house. We had to squeeze into a 700 Sq ft. house with two bedrooms. Three girls shared one, two boys shared the other and I didn't have a room. We stuck that out for one year exactly.
I've since moved into a huge 4500 square foot home. It's still not big enough. You just collect more stuff. Don't beat yourself up. It's natural for your son to want a space of his own, you just need to realize that it doesn't take alot to make him happy.
Kids don’t have a right to
Kids don’t have a right to have their own room. When SD15 (then 14) moved in with us full time, we had a 2 bedroom condo. SD14 slept on the sofa in the living room. She bitched and moaned about it, but she was lucky to have a roof over her head and somewhere to sleep. Our house was foreclosed on, so there wasn’t a lot of other options and I wasn’t going to make my DS share a room with her.