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SD moved with her mom but now decides she wants only to come with us every WEEKEND!!!

butterflybloom's picture

Submitted by butterflybloom on Fri, 01/24/2014 - 2:03pm

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My SD14 decided to move in with her BM full time(we had joint custody before) about 3-4 months ago, all because my husband got after her. So she has been coming every other weekend, but lately she keeps coming every weekend and I am not liking this new schedule at all. This schedule was never brought up to us, the BM never asked us if it was okay with us? And DH is acting like "whats the big deal". I told him what the big deal was....first if SD feels that she misses being home then she can come back and go back to our old schedule. Why only on weekends? I was looking forward in being alone with my husband like before. If she regrets leaving for being spoiled then SD should just say she wants to go back the way it was. Since she moved with her BM, she has waxed her eyebrows, now wears makeup, goes the the movies/mall alone with friends, she basically does whatever she wants. NO boundaries..Should I just let it go, and accept her coming whenever she wants, or should I stand my ground.

justanothergurlNJ's picture

Submitted by justanothergurlNJ on Fri, 01/24/2014 - 2:12pm

I agree I have a 16 bs and 12 bd and it seems pretty normal for the age. My dd is shaving wearing some light mascara, very into clothes and hair. Does the mall and moives with her friends. Seems like normal teenage stuff even down to the boy crushed. I drove them to the mall one day and I swear if I heard "OMG HE IS SO CUTE" in the squeaky girl voice I was going to drive us off the bridge lol.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Fri, 01/24/2014 - 2:47pm

This! The only time I saw my Dad was on holidays because I wanted to see my extended family. LOL. My dad and I were cool but I was just busy on the weekends.

Oh I would see him when he was giving me the key to his apartment to watch it while he traveled for work and then I would hold small parties Smile LOL

Um yeah I had too much of a social life to be bothered by my Dad every or even every other weekend.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Fri, 01/24/2014 - 2:49pm

Skids used to do this. Go back and forth btwn BM and DH. I made it clear, whoever is living with DH would be the only one living with him when him and I moved in together. So that was SS. By the time we moved in together, SS was about to graduate HS.

They used to go back and forth, have to change school districts, get CS changed. WTH. Only for the skids to decide a few months later they wanted to go back to the other parent. So stupid.

butterflybloom's picture

Submitted by butterflybloom on Fri, 01/24/2014 - 2:54pm

I think I'm about to jump off a bridge...I'm going crazy with this girl and my DH. So stupid indeed!!!

EvilWickedSM's picture

Submitted by EvilWickedSM on Mon, 01/27/2014 - 1:25pm

I agree 100%. I hate not knowing when SD is going to be at our house, because DH and BM allow her to decide where she's going to be and when.

Orange County Ca's picture

Submitted by Orange County Ca on Fri, 01/24/2014 - 3:53pm

Why don't you gently disengage from the kid so you're not involved with her activities. Make it clear to Daddy that he is to supervise the kid and when she visits you have no responsibility to be around to supervise or entertain her.

Most kids, as has been mentioned above, could care less about seeing a non-custodial parent because they're so busy with their friends and ogling the boys/girls. Daddy may not realize how lucky he is in this regard and frankly I consider him lucky. Or maybe he does know and doesn't want to upset the apple cart.

Disengage so you're not so involved and see if that doesn't help. If you need a complete explanation of disengagement follow the link below:

http://steptogether.org/help.html

tired and stressed's picture

Submitted by tired and stressed on Fri, 01/24/2014 - 4:02pm

Is she getting something out of coming to your house on the weekends, that she may not get at her BM's? Money, longer curfew,...
My SD now 19 would come over sometimes after she moved out to get money. Sometimes she would try to steal it, but I would catch her before she could get it, other times just say she needed it because her BM wouldn't. The BM told me at her High school grad party that she was glad she was going away to school, that she was tired of all the drama and need for constant cash. However, she always gave it to her and then complained about it. She would then get it from he dad as well.
My DH and I talked about needing a set schedule with skids, and he agreed saying that they would not be allowed to just stop by, yeah right. He was so happy that they would stop by to "get" something that he would take them out to eat, give them cash,...
So you can discuss with your DH, but he will probably be too excited to have her around and will not change anything.
I understand your frustration, just find something else to do and get out of the house. Plan your date nights during the week.