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Little things?

marissamae88's picture

W have just completed our third visit with BM. I was really busy this weekend so I didnt really hear much of what they did but I am getting really annoyed with one thing. Maybe I am being a control freak but this really irritates me. I have told the boys and BM has been told already twice that the clothes the boys come in are ours we bought them and they need to come home in them. If she wants to buy the boys clothes great but they do not come over here either. She is suing my SO for spousal support but she doesnt pay child support?? They have been separated for four years and she is dragging this thing out. Due to the spousal support issue we try to make sure everything is separated. I do not want to hear her in court saying she supplies all their clothes or anything like that. Most of the clothes she buys them are t shirts which again is fine but even if we would allow the clothes in our house they couldnt wear them to school because they have to wear collared shirts so these t shirts really arent that important. Regardless of that little rant I just went through my real issue is that every visit they come home is something she buys them. I dont understand what the boys dont get and what she doesnt get. Yesterday they all came in shirts she bought them and asked why did you bring those here? The boys said their mom said she would wash their shirts because she took them to get a hair cut and there was hair on them.......ok so Sunday I send them to her in the shirts from the day before making sure she gives them back the clothes that we bought. They come home with clothes but they arent wearing them they are wearing her shirts!!!!! WTF So again I ask why? They said they changed into the shirts but that she said they were dirty again. They ate some hamburger helper and some food got on their shirts what 3-9 year old doesnt get food on their shirt? If I made them change everytime a little food go on their clothes I would be doing laundry every five min! Its something so small so little and I do not get it. Am I being ridiculous I just do not want their to be an overlap because her and my SO do not have a great relationship so if it seems like she is being helpful that normally means she is getting a payoff somewhere down the line.

marissamae88's picture

They do not spend the night with her ever and she just got this visitation on like a probationary type thing and she is annoying me!!! lol I know its something small but why cant she just follow instructions. If the boys have something messy let them wear it home and I will wash it like I do everything else. She buys them cheap t shirts and its great for them if they go swimming or something but no reason to send them home in them. She has never been my ss4 or ss2 mom. I have been their mom for 2 years now. So now all of a sudden she wants to do extra laundry? I just dont get it.

raindrop's picture

She is giving you the finger non-directly. She is trying to tell you that she wears the pants.

marissamae88's picture

thats exactly how I feel! She shouldnt be trying to tell me jack sh*** unless it is thank you marissamae88 for taking care of my kids while I was to busy buying and doing drugs. Thank you marissamae88 for making sure my kids have a nice hot family meal at night, bathing them, oh and teaching them colors, letters, and their basic information. Thats the only thing she should be giving me.

Zoie's picture

She's just being nasty, trying to piss you off. My SD's BM does the exact same thing..so now I make SD change into the clothes she came in...(I wash them and she goes back to her BM in them)...end of the crap BM was trying to pull...

marissamae88's picture

I thought I was being the most diplomatic that I could by not letting them bring anything besides the clothes on their backs and its a rule that her stuff isnt allowed in here. I am now at the point where I want to ground ss9 and ss7 because they know better. I understand they want their new stuff but it cannot come with them.

purpledaisies's picture

I don't think she can get any kind of support if she doesn't have the kids nor does she pay CS?? That just does not make sense? But what I would do is this- send them in clothes that you don;t care about getting back that way it is no big deal and she can feel like she is getting to you.

marissamae88's picture

There school has a collared shirt and nice jeans type uniform policy so we always send them to her in regular t shirts and the jeans that they play outside. I have seen crazy stuff on this site alone about support she is saying that my SO and her relationship ended in 07 or 08 something like that and he cheated in 08 and that caused her to do drugs and thats why she gave birth to the youngest high. She is now trying to get spousal support due to that and just because she feels entitled. I cant stand her!