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Just had a baby...resenting stepson's presence

fruststepmama's picture

Submitted by fruststepmama on Wed, 07/03/2013 - 9:24am

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My husband and I have a 4 month old girl at home now and we are so happy to be new parents! But...my stepson is increasingly irritating to me as days go by. I used to take great care in doing things for him and making sure he was taken care of and now I just cringe when he walks in the door and dread him coming over. Things suddenly just seem so much more peaceful and family-like when he is not here. My feelings towards my new daughter and my husband just dwarf my feelings towards him. I suddenly feel like he doesn't fit into the family. I feel really guilty about these thoughts...and my stepson is starting to pick up on them. I don't want to hurt his feelings. How should i handle the situation?

jumanji's picture

Submitted by jumanji on Wed, 07/03/2013 - 9:44am

Maybe he could use some one-on-one time with his Dad, and also with you. Bonus? Baby gets one-on-one time with the other parent! Seriously - it has to be a big adjustment for him, too. You spent all this time with him, doing stuff, and now you've cut him off 'cause of the baby.

Step-Volgirl's picture

Submitted by Step-Volgirl on Fri, 07/05/2013 - 2:12pm

Do you need to make peace with the fact that you love your BD more that you love your SS? It's ok to love your bio kid more!

Also, realize, little boys can annoying!My DS is 11 and there have been times when I've begged my mom to give me a break! I always love him...but I don't always like his attitude or the noises he makes with his mouth...
He really knows how to push my buttons!

Finally, remember that it can take up to a year for hormone levels to drop to "normal" after having a baby - longer if you're nursing. Cut yourself some slack! Encourage your DH to spend some one-on-one time with your SS out of the house. If it's scheduled during your DD's nap time, then you get some free time!

christinen's picture

Submitted by christinen on Sun, 07/07/2013 - 12:38pm

I don't think you have anything to feel bad about! Of course you love your child more than the skid, that is your own flesh and blood. I don't even have my own children yet but I already know it will be completely different than what I feel for skid (although I don't love my skid, I can't stand her lol). It makes complete sense that it feels more family-like when someone else's kid is not around. Your DH and your kid are your family and you probably wish skid never existed (if you are like me anyway). How do you deal with it? That I am not so sure because I feel that way everyday. Even though DH and I don't have kids together (we do plan to), it still feels more family-like with just us. I dread skid coming and can't wait for her to be gone. Might sound mean, but that's the truth. I hope you can find peace with your situation. Maybe ask your DH to take skid out sometimes so he isn't always hanging around the house?

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

Submitted by SanAntonioSoccerMom on Sun, 07/07/2013 - 4:44pm

A new baby is a big adjustment for everyone, including the 4 year old. He's 4, to say he does not fit into your family is wrong because he was there before your family existed. Luckily for me I never had feelings like that. My steps were here long before I ever came around and when I had my son it just rounded our family out perfectly. You created a new family and your baby has a brother, who is 4.