How to get rid of step son?
Hi all, I've been step mom for 2 boys for 7 years now.
they are both completely useless and their very presence is an irratation.
did anyone manage to get them out of your house? Their is no moms house he can move to unfortunately.
right now my only option is to get him through the next two years and hope he goes to college at 18. It's a good option but it's still 2 years more and would require a lot from me to get him through his exams as he is lazy and get him there.
Has anyone got any creative ideas to get him moving out sooner or least amount of work from me?
i hate living with him for reasons you all know because we are all here for the same thing.
Anyone else find it more frustrating now they are older and still act out like they did when they were 10? Like I thought he would of grown up or matured by now. He's such a brat.
Simplest way to get rid of
Simplest way to get rid of stepkids is to get rid of your partner.. lol. They are his dingleberries.
He is the parent.. he should be concerned with them maturing.. with them preparing themselves for a fulfilling life.. why isn't he?
If he isn't.. it's likely your partner is the problem.. they are just the symptom.
If they have no mother.. you won't be able to get them out earlier than the legal age of 18 I don't think.. and I get wanting to.. but it can't happen.. unless your partner leaves you.. or you kick them all out.
you should probably be asking your partner how he thinks his kids are going to go on with their life.
I did just skim over a few of your older posts. So.. three years ago people told you.l you were not stuck.. you could leave and have a life without the stress of his kids.. You know that there is no easy solution.. you are going to have to pick the devil you want to live with.. Being passive aggressive to his kids has probably not served your relationship with them well over the years.. that is not modeling mature behavior by you either.. so I'm guessing nothing much is likely to change.. because it's been 3 years.. zero progress.. have you tried any counseling? have you tried asking your SO to step up and parent his kids? Have YOU put in an effort to find some common ground with his sons?
IDK.. it's not an easy life.. but it's not a life sentence.. if it isn't working for you.. you have options.
one thing I've learned here
one thing I've learned here is that stepkids tend to scurry away, like bugs when the lights go on, when rules are set and enforced.
I think this is my best bet.
I think this is my best bet. Enforce more rules and hope he leaves.
My stray SS19 left to live
My stray SS19 left to live with BM at 16, becasue he said he was a MAN not a child an was independent HAHAHAHA. Recently he was trying to work his way back to our house - some warm food here and lots my Disney SOs pampering... I told my SO that for SS to come back there are many rules to follow or I just pack my crap and leave. SO was offended that I didn't want to live with the baby-angel demon... I said well then... the alternative are RULES and LOTS of them. So I wrote the list of a dozen or more rules... SO looked at me and said "SS will not come back with so many rules"... ithought to myself: oh oh you caught me...LOL BINGO that's the idea!!! SO went ahead and spoke to SS about the rules (and even ommitted a couple of rules as I learned later)... SS kept coming back to couch surf a bit on and off, but my relentelssness with rules drove him away to go back and have his arse permanently living at his BM's house....
Rules help, but your particular situation is tough because those spawns don't have an alternative house to go to, nad BP is not going to kick out his droppings... your best bet is to try to make the alternative of leaving ffar away to college the best thing in their lives, make it sound fun and like it's very comendable... or something... just keep in mind that if they are lazy students they might not last in college and come back to couch surf and get a lazy asrse job, and eat your food and use your utilities... it's tough. I'm still hangin by a thread expecting that SS19 becomes fully independent and BM doesn't move away; and also that the other SS that is away in college can really make a living for himself, becasue laziness abunds around here...
Can you relate
Can you relate the list here? Im gearing up...
SO isn’t changing
He's doing nothing now. He will be doing nothing for the rest of his life. These kids are going nowhere , Going somewhere means getting that terrible thing a JOB. and actually showing up and working. Not going to happen. Only hope is they will find a woman and move in with her parents.
What do you mean there is no
What do you mean there is no "Moms house".
Did she pass away? Homeless---?
Are you married? Or living together?
Move yourself out if the
Move yourself out if the situation is that bad. Let the minor children continue to live with their father until they are at least 18 and finished with high school. You can try to maintain your relationship with their father if you want, or you can move on and find a better situation for yourself.
ETA: this is the only solution that you have 100% control over and could do today if you really wanted.
Military School.
Military School.
I doubt Disney parent will
I doubt Disney parent will even entertain Military School for his little angels... been there... the brat started vomiting the day he had to get on plane and go to military base... a chump who brags that he is a macho man and not scared of anything... go figure..
I can attest that the first
I can attest that the first night after drop off at Military School and the parents have left is one terrifying night.
For me, it was nauseating and I was on the verge of tears. Then I realized that screaming and yelling were actually funny, ridiculous commands were ridiculous. On day 2, I owned it and I owned all of them. Then classes started and my ownership increased.
I realized very early that to win I had to master it all, outperform even the Old Cadets, and keep my "armour" impeccably strong by never letting it get a nick.
Key skills; Learn facing movements, how to march, how to shine shoes, shine brass, iron and set up uniforms. Learn ranks. Then, make stellar grades. After that, it really is cake.
My SS went to Military School for his Jr and (half of his) Sr year of HS. He already knew the basics when he reported to USAF BMT. Basic training was nothing too difficult for him. Had he been at Mil School for one more semester of JROTC, he would have graduated from BMT with one more stripe. One of his early lessons in long term consequences for poor decisions.
The ones who commit to fighting the proces, traditions, and leaders at Military School or at Basic training.... Ha!
They are the ones who are so miserable that they never get past the RAT phase. Not for as long as they attend. It can be years. They end up being everyone elses beck and call schlump. The key, it has to be a fully private Military School where the school has guardianship of the students. Semi-private schools generally will not hold a kid who demands to be sent home.
Fortunately, my Skid actually liked his Military School and never made the demand or maybe never knew he could because his mom and I made it clear that the next step for him was behavioral modification ranch in the middle of nowhere shoveling animal crap all day every day when not in class. Not that he was ever that terrible. We were just at the end of our tolerance for teen male willful Cranial Vapor Syndrome.
We did bring him home after the first semester of his Sr. year when he and the Spermidiot hacked the school fire wall and were up all night every night playing WoW. We were not paying for a full second Sr. year because he failed the only class he needed to pass in the first semester of his Sr. year. So, to our local HS where he knew no one, shoveling over 12ft of snow across 3 record snow storms, while walking a mile back and forth to school in snow, ice, and mud knowing that he either graduated on time or we dropped him off at the homeless camp on graduation day. I took him there and dropped him off for a few hours to make the point. Those people were angels. They fed him, comforted him, and ripped him a new asshole to get his head out of his ass and step up. They harped about how his parents cared, and how he had a wonderful life and every opportunty.
I am eternally grateful to those wonderful people.
Find the kids fear currency, and deliver that in spades escalating constantly until you get the desired results or the kid leaves. Luckily for us, the kid graduated on time and with honors and 10mos later reported for Basic training. The last 18mos befor he launched were trying for all of us. He is a man of character, honor, performance, and standing in his life, in his profession, and in his communty. His mom and I are extremely proud of the man we raised together.
6 years 11mos and 20 days until he reaches full military retirement eligibility.
Go kid go!
It would require a lot from
It would require a lot from YOU to get him through exams??? It should require a lot from your partner. SMH
Partner and skids should live in one place and you should live in another. You and partner can live together once the skids launch.
The issue is your spouse not
The issue is your spouse not your step son. If your significant other knew how to parent there wouldn't be an issue.
2 choices
From experience in this case, you have two choices.
One that will work 100% is you need to leave your partner.
The second one is enforce rules in the hopes that they will leave on their own. Which most likely they will.
in my circumstance, I unfortunately had to do both.
but because of the toxicity of my former SD, it worked out for the better.
Long story short when she was 20 and cracked out her father somehow agreed for her to live with us. Said she would get a job and turn her life around.
Of course that didn't happen. All she did was smoke weed drink vodka, and fuck her boyfriend in our back then toddler sons playroom.
I had that girl out in three weeks. Do you know what I did? I cut off the Wi-Fi when nobody was home except for her.
no Netflix and chill for her
but in my case, my son's father's family gave me such grief for doing this. It eventually led to my son's father and I splitting up. My son is 14 and he hasn't seen my son's father's family in like 12 years. He is close with his father, even though I have custody so that's good.
but yeah, instead of realizing I didn't want a drug addict who is drunk all the time and leaving condoms everywhere in my child's playroom instead, I was forced to leave my partner..
I know extreme, but at the end of the day, I'm just trying to tell you it's really the only two choices you have. Because at the end of the day, the step kid is always going to come first.
I hate adding this last part to this forum, especially since it's for stepmoms, but since my kid is technically a step kid (kind of. He's not allowed around his stepmother legally) now since his father remarried, let's just say because the stepmom was so bad to my son, They're now getting divorced.
My point is your stepson is always going to come first to your hubby. You can kick him out, but it's going to be a temporary solution. If you want happiness, you have to leave.
I'm a stranger on the Internet, so I mean my opinion is just one of many. But just wanted to share my personal experience and hope that I can help at least a little bit.
Cheers! Big hugs!! You got this!
The only real option here is
The only real option here is to leave her husband to get rid of his sons. They were 12 and 9 in 2020..so that would make them 16/13 (give take depending on birthdays).. she has years before they are adults.. and even then no guaranty that dad will push his kids out of the nest on the day they turn 18.
What I did
Was take advice from others on here and ask DH why he din't love his kids enough to parent them. When I didn't have children and because of my own upbringing, I thought a man just being there for his kids was such a big deal. But as time went by and it was obvious the boys needed discipline, DH just wasn't good at that part of parenting, which I've now come to understand is a huge part in how they end up as adults.
I helped DH with SS24 and he moved out at 22, but when I saw SS19 was going the same way, I told DH flat out I couldn't deal with him past 18, especially if he wanted to be gone (my SO retired from his first career and chose long haul trucking for the second). It helped that the house is under my name.
So, after SS pretending he was going to school, coming home early, failing classes as usual but never taking accountability, senior year came. This was when he decided, 2 months before graduating, that school was too much and dropped out. DH allowed him to. I told DH either he takes him trucking with him, or he had to go to a Job corp, which helps with earning a GED and trade. SS tried everything to ruin this, tried to resist. But finally left.
When that happened, I went to very extreme measures and moved out. I rented my house out and downsized to a studio apartment very close to DD's school. I knew SS would quit/get kicked out and I didn't want him to ask me to come back, or for DH to guilt me into taking him back. Sure as shit, he got kicked out 4 months later for possession of marijuana (though DH was absolutely SURE that SS wasn't smoking because SS told him he didn't lol).
Never will I ever live with my stepsons again, not unless they become decent human beings. And it looks like that isn't happening so.....
Good luck to you and hope you can free yourself when your SS is 18. I would recommend Rags Burning Platform, or just forcing him after high school to choose a trade school, college or military. I wouldn't recommend a full time job straight out of high school only because with just a HS diploma, it would be difficult to find a good paying job, which means it would be harder for him to move out.