Has anyone else given countless hours of your time and thousands of dollars toward stepchildren only to have them turn against you like you were nothing to them and never did anything for them? It is such a horrible feeling.
Well, if your husband went back to BM and the skids now have their happy little first family back, I'm not at all surprised that the skids would turn on you. You're a threat to their family now. Sounds to me like your ex-husband, not BM or the skids, is the one to blame here. It doesn't make it hurt any less, though.
Partners build a life together and together support their own household. They should not be supporting the household of an X other than CS which should not be paid by the new couple. That support must come only from the failed family contributor of the new couple. If the one on the hook for CS can't pay their CS obligation and provide an equity contribution to their new partnership, they are not worthy of the new partner.
The new partner of the failed family member has to have value for themselves and know when the new partnership is not performing adequately.
It IS a horrible feeling, but only for a while. Facing reality means the loss of dreams, and losses HURT. But that starts the grief process, and that gives you a chance to heal. It's pain, but with benefits.
Letting go of hope and facing our fears is hard, but can also be incredibly empowering and healthy. Once you squarely examine the things that control/have power over you, they tend to lose their hold. It's all about being open and honest with your self so you can live a life grounded in truth and take better care of yourself.
I chased the Happy Family carrot, accepted mistreatment and abased myself for years because I desperately wanted to belong to a family; because I was terrified of being all alone in old age; and because I was afraid to admit I'd been so completely wrong about everything I'd invested so much in for so long. These truths hovered on the periphery; I was aware of them on a subconscious level, but it took years before I was ready to face them. When I did, everything including me fell apart for a while. The benefit was, I got into therapy and made friends with reality. I DO have a family - DH, my friends, and pets. I don't need @ssholes to love/want me, because I love me. And I have a network of friends who all plan to be there for each other as we age. It turns out I'm just a nice woman who gave some absolute sh!ts a lot more chances than they deserved. I've faced that, forgiven myself, and moved forward.
You can too, and you're going to be okay no matter what. You're not Hitler, or Bernie Maydoff. It may all seem huge and hairy awful right now, but all you did was love the wrong people for too long. That's says far more about them than you. So look at it squarely, find the root cause that led you to give too much, forgive yourself, and start being kinder to yourself. That's how you heal and do better, and that's how you benefit from step misadventure instead of becoming collateral damage in someone else's failed marriage.
Yep and that's why I cut that
Yep and that's why I cut that cancer out of my life.
I love you, girl.
I love you, girl.
You speak my language.
Not yet. My skids are young
Not yet. My skids are young and we have a very good relationship at the moment. This is one of my fears, though.
How early on did you have an indication that this is where you'd end up?
Almost 5 years
It took almost 5 years. BM decided she wanted exdh back and she turned everyone against me. I also helped BM pay her rent. It was a train wreck.
Well, if your husband went
Well, if your husband went back to BM and the skids now have their happy little first family back, I'm not at all surprised that the skids would turn on you. You're a threat to their family now. Sounds to me like your ex-husband, not BM or the skids, is the one to blame here. It doesn't make it hurt any less, though.
smh
smh
I have no words.
Partners build a life together and together support their own household. They should not be supporting the household of an X other than CS which should not be paid by the new couple. That support must come only from the failed family contributor of the new couple. If the one on the hook for CS can't pay their CS obligation and provide an equity contribution to their new partnership, they are not worthy of the new partner.
The new partner of the failed family member has to have value for themselves and know when the new partnership is not performing adequately.
Keep it simple.
You're going to be okay.
It IS a horrible feeling, but only for a while. Facing reality means the loss of dreams, and losses HURT. But that starts the grief process, and that gives you a chance to heal. It's pain, but with benefits.
Letting go of hope and facing our fears is hard, but can also be incredibly empowering and healthy. Once you squarely examine the things that control/have power over you, they tend to lose their hold. It's all about being open and honest with your self so you can live a life grounded in truth and take better care of yourself.
I chased the Happy Family carrot, accepted mistreatment and abased myself for years because I desperately wanted to belong to a family; because I was terrified of being all alone in old age; and because I was afraid to admit I'd been so completely wrong about everything I'd invested so much in for so long. These truths hovered on the periphery; I was aware of them on a subconscious level, but it took years before I was ready to face them. When I did, everything including me fell apart for a while. The benefit was, I got into therapy and made friends with reality. I DO have a family - DH, my friends, and pets. I don't need @ssholes to love/want me, because I love me. And I have a network of friends who all plan to be there for each other as we age. It turns out I'm just a nice woman who gave some absolute sh!ts a lot more chances than they deserved. I've faced that, forgiven myself, and moved forward.
You can too, and you're going to be okay no matter what. You're not Hitler, or Bernie Maydoff. It may all seem huge and hairy awful right now, but all you did was love the wrong people for too long. That's says far more about them than you. So look at it squarely, find the root cause that led you to give too much, forgive yourself, and start being kinder to yourself. That's how you heal and do better, and that's how you benefit from step misadventure instead of becoming collateral damage in someone else's failed marriage.