First, listen to your husband!! Let him step up while you step back. Reduced stress will help your TTC situation. Things may not get done how you would handle them, but your DH may surprise you. Anyhow, don't you want to see how he really parents before you have a child with him?

How long have you been trying? Is it time to talk to a doctor? It took us two very long, hard years. Hang in there, hun.

The stress is not great for trying to conceive. And it also might be time to see a specialist and focus more attention on that. Take your husband up on his offer - and make sure he follows through. His actions will tell you alot about the next nine years you have raising your stepson. And it sounds like your SS will be with you 100% from now on given BM's choices.

Try not to dwell on your age and comparing yourself to others your age with no kids, or feeling "thrown" into a situation at a young age, etc.  You will just drive yourself crazy with "what ifs" and regretting things that you shouldn't- I am a big believer in things happening for reasons- you aren't in a situation that you can't handle, and you aren't in a situation that isn't going to make you a better person in some way.  In fact, you are a great person just for being a caring stepmother, taking care of your SS, and showing concern about the situation and acknowledging your feelings.  

I was in a similar situation in most of my 20s (being a step mom, but not a bio mom); I am 31 now with two of my own.  I am not going to say its a stellar situation; I have plenty of difficult times with my step children, but also with my partner, who isn't the nicest person in the world.  However, I can empthasize with some of the feelings that child-less step moms go through, such as totally rearranging your life for someone else's children, catering to the "schedule," missing out on events with your partner, being put on the backburner sometimes, having feelings of jealousy, competing for affection, feeling like the "third wheel," differences in parenting styles which cause tension, trying to deal with negative behavior from children who do not want you to parent them, etc. etc.  It's hard to not compare your situation to others who might seem to be in a better place than you are- but remember, almost all (I won't say "ALL" exclusively, because someone on here will comment that they don't) of us have baggage in some form, we almost all have skeletons in our closets, and we almost all have daily stress, worry, or reasons why we feel others' lives are better than ours.  I don't believe the grass is always greener on the other side.  In saying this, don't dwell on your single and/or childless friends; embrace you and your situation and what YOU need to do to feel fulfilled and happy.  It might not be an overnight fix, but it's something you can start internalizing and self-reflecting on. 

Just because you may be having negative feelings, impatience lately, or desires of just wanting to be alone with your husband does NOT mean you are a bad person or a bad step mother- just telling you that for support and as an FYI.  A lot of us, myself included, wrestle with those type of conflicting feelings.  I think as humans, we ALL have bad thoughts about others and situations sometimes.  I also think there aren't natural tendencies to want to mother children that are not biologically ours, same as its hard for children to unconditionally love step parents.  Yes, there are cases of that, but there seems to be more of a trend of that NOT happening. 

I am sending all of the positive vibes I can your way for a healthy conception sooner rather than later!  I agree with previous posters on the de-stressing part- that is what I had to do with baby #1.  Stress is such a nasty thing.  Things will happen when they are meant to.

In saying all of this, what makes me think that you may need to rethink things, is feeling "sick" of parenting your SS.  I feel the same way sometimes.  It's such a toxic feeling and almost makes me feel physically ill.  I am mainly staying in my situation (for right now, I am in the process of seeing my legal options for leaving) for my children- since you do not have any children yet, it would be a lot "cleaner" split if you decide you do not want to pursue the relationship because of your SS.  I am NOT saying this is what you should do, but if you are having these feelings now, I can't assure you they are going to go away, and don't assume they will go away once your own child comes.  A lot of times, negative feelings towards SKs intensify after your biological child comes along; it happened in my situation, just as an example.

Do you feel you can control your negative feelings, to the point that it doesn't affect your relationship with your husband? your health? the way your SS feels in the house?  Regardless of if a child is or is not exacerbating a situation, I am sure it's a miserable feeling to not be comfortable in your own home.  Since he lives with you full time, you are also getting no reprieve from him.  I am not saying he is feeling uncomfortable, but just trying to mention all possible things that could happen as a result of your feelings as of late. 

I understand the parenting thing- even though your husband says you don't have to, that just means it won't get done at all!  Same with my partner.  If I did not intervene, the SKs room would not be cleaned, they wouldn't take a shower, brush their teeth, go to bed, do their homework, etc. etc.  There are already mice in their room from me not caring for a while, because they constantly left food in there.  However, in reflecting about it, this is MY house!  If I totally disengage from parenting, they feel like they have the run of the house.  That is not the case- it's not the case for my biological children and not the case for them.  So, I do parent to a point. 

I think from your post, it's not something that is as dramatic as should you leave or stay in this relationship- yet.  I don't think you should be trying for a child RIGHT NOW.  I don't want to overstep my boundaries and opinions, but if you are having a tough time accepting your SS, you need to really reflect if you can do this "forever."  Once a child is on the way, it makes that decision even harder. 

What I would say is- try to find something just for you, and do it often.  Baths and a book?  Going out to the gym?  A weekly hobby? Blogging? Something that you can look forward to that's just "for you."  It gives you more of an identity and something that makes you feel human almost, when you feel at the end of your rope emotionally.  And it's something that can help you destress, disengage and recharge. 

Don't just negate your feelings; see if they can be managed, or see if they can be changed!  Nothing is ever set in stone, but don't sacrifice your happiness to the point that you are secretly miserable all the time, because it will eventually wear you down. 

Im a biological father to two boys, 9 and 11.  My wife (ther step-mom) and I have been married almost a year, but have been together much longer than that. The boys biological mom has not been in the picture in a long time.  She left years ago, and unfortunately, has not made much effort to establish any role in their life.  This is a double edge sword.  In a sense, there is less drama, were able to focus on our family and our rules, and all that, but on the other hand I think boys struggling with abandonment.  

The issue at hand, though, does not have to do with that.  On a daily basis, our family operates like any other.  The boys love their step-mom, and vice versa, but there are issues that have started to present themself.  To be specific, defiance, or more accurately, age appropriate resistance to literally________. Fill in the blank.  I see my boys behavior as that of a nine or eleven year old, who's testing his boundaries.  My wife, though, see's it much differently.  

To provide an example, we'll discuss what happened today.  My wife asked our boys to clean the cat box.  My oldest said "we're helping dad in he garage" or something, which they weren't, so instead of my wife holding her ground, and remaining firm, she got upset and cleaned the box herself, and then everything just snowballed from there.

For me, I make it a point to be on my wifes side in regards to the parenting, but from an objective point of view, I saw an opportunity for her to truly affirm her position as an authority figure, and teach them responsibility and accountability.  She played the victim afterwards and asserted that the boys dont respect her (which is not true at all), and that they always pushback essentially.  Of course, I remind her that ALL parents, even biological parents (myself included) recieve pushback, but as a parent you need to remain firm in your resolve when you ask them to do something.  We got into a fight, it was ugly.  Shes crying, the boy is crying, now i'm frustrated because I see a simple solution but nobody is willing to be calm and level headed.  

I want my wife to realize that she is not alone.  We're a team, and that what she is dealing with is common in ALL family dynamics, not just ours.  I also want her to understand that I have her back, but when she undercuts her own position by giving in, I cant really back her up anymore.  

In conclusion, we have an awesome family.  We are much better as a unit than we would ever be apart, but there is still a learning curve I think.  I'm looking for any input anyone can offer on how my wife and I can support each other better, and how I can help her remain calm, and unwavering when she is engaging the kids in difficult situations.

Thank you