So you are irritated with a kid who is crying because he has an ear ache? No this doesn't seem OK to me. Is he the only one you are upset with? Without more information of things that lead up to this I just don't have much to say.

Has this started around the time you got pregnant and/or had your child? If so its not abnormal. Instinctively you want your child to survive and you want the resources of the child's parents focused on that child to the abandonment of all others.

I.e. you don't want your husband risking his life to save a neighbors kid as an example. In your case you resent the kid taking attention away from your kid and you.

So - you're not going to leave your husband over this, leaving your kid fatherless, so you need to change. See a family counselor, preferably a woman, and within 2 months she should have shown you the way out of this. A good counselor is masterful and seeing the trees despite the forest and can help you around them.

With my own child it was very deep love at first sight. I would have taken a bullet for him. With the step girls, I have grown to love them over time and it has gotten better over the years but what a slow process. There is no blood bond so it is different and sometimes we SM's do feel guilty. What has helped me is trying to put myself in their shoes. It has help me have more compassion. It is hard, for sure. There is help out there but be sure the help you seek has blended family expertise. Not all resources are good help. I like Ron Deal and his blended family resources. Google that for more info.

Prayers for you.

IMHO this can be a biological/mammalian response to the offspring of someone else in your home. Think male lion that kills and eats the cubs of his predecessor when the takes over the pride. Not everyone suffers from this mammalian behavior but some do.

I did. It was not a conscious thing. When I was dating my bride I would occasionally react to something my SS did in a way that was entirely out of proportion to what he did. My issue not his. I found myself disturbed by my behavior and reactions to things that were inconsequential at worst and ridiculous for me to have a problem with at best. Tearing pages out of magazines that were on my living room coffee table is an example. Who cares? I really didn't care on a conscious level about the actions of a 15mo old but I sure got angry about it. It just grated on me and caused a visceral reaction seemingly in an instant.

So, I chose not to react to those things and instead engaged with the kid. My actions caused my mammalian aversion to tolerating the presence of the Sperm Idiots spawn to fade and caused my feelings for him to grow ultimately to consider and raise him as my own. To the point that when he was a couple of years older I would alternate with my wife to get up every two hours at night to give him nebulizer treatments while he slept and give him alternating two hour doses of children’s Tylenol and children’s Advil to help fight a chronic fever. As I adjusted my behavior he and I developed our own bond and things we did together including tearing all of the pages out of magazines and lining them up in twisting turning paths throughout the house.

SS-21 is now a viable adult, I am proud of the young man that he is, and he and I are are extremely close. Every mother’s day I give my bride flowers, cards and other gifts thanking her for making me a dad. That little 15mo old tow headed brown eyed little boy holds a big part of my heart. If I had eaten him I would have missed out on what an amazing person he is.

The beauty of being human and not just a mammal is that we can chose to change how we feel and react to someone else’s children. Change your behavior and actions and you will change your feelings and reactions to your Skid.

IMHO and experience of course.

Good luck.

Rags has some good advice there!

Also, try looking at him from your DAUGHTER'S perspective. That's her big brother. He can be her protector, her friend, her playmate. They have a *lifelong* relationship, they're blood. He's a "great kid", right? He's going to be a great big brother too then, and your daughter is going to love him for it. (Although I'm sure they'll still have their squabbles! *lol*)

When I had my son, for a little while the skids became SUPER annoying to me and I just wanted them to go away. I wanted it to be me, DH and our son - one little happy family. And then my son started becoming interested in his sisters, and they started playing with him and making funny faces to get him to laugh... my son ADORES them. And they love him. I've said it before here and I'm sure I'll say it again - anyone who can make my child smile like that is welcome in my home.