Why are you taking care of a college fund for your SS? That is on the parents. You are setting yourself up for some serious frustration if you do that and he doesn't perform.

Seriously, this is not your responsibility. If you have extra money to spend, give it to a charity. Let his parents handle this...Way too early in your relationship to take on that kind of responsibility. I have full custody of SS and am in process of re-doing my will and I am not leaving the kid anything. He has a mom and dad.

Thoroughly agree w/ previous responses.

Your job is to be a good person and good influence on any children in your world.
It is NOT your job to provide for other peoples children if you die. Nor is it your job to provide a college education for this boy. He is not your son or your responsibility! Where did you ever get the idea that it falls on YOU to provide for him in the future? Is this a condition of moving in with your SO? Maybe your SO has told you not to pay any utilities or rent/mortgage but put the money into a college fund for his son in lieu of living expenses??? And why would you provide accomodations in your life insurance for this boy who has 2 living parents?????
You are definitely opening up a world of hurt and already feeling it pinching your toes. What if you and SO break up? What happens if SO dies? Are you going to continue to provide for this boys college fund if he lives full time with his mother and you never see him?

Maybe you need to let us know why you are committing your finances to the raising of this boy when his parents are both alive and able to take care of him. As step parents we do not always see eye to eye with the decisions our partners make. But at the end of the day the PARENTS make the final call, not you. And frankly you may find this boy to not be college material until he is in his mid 20s. So you think you will have no problems contributing to his college fund while he messes around through high school and treats you like a piece of crap because you are not his mother.

were you in the market to adopt a child? cause this one already has 2 parents. honey, you are doormat waiting for someone to walk on them. i'm sorry to be mean, but you need to wake up. do you ever plan on having your own kids? if so, save that money for THEM. this man isn't even your husband yet. may i ask how old you are?

Why don't you start by encouraging the boy's father to open a minor savings account first, if he doesn't already have one. Then maybe after you get married, you could think about rolling it in to some kind of college fund.

In regards to the life insurance, you can leave your money to whomever you want but if it were me, I'd at least wait until I was married to the guy.

how will you and your bf be paying the bills? will you be paying more than your share? do you have more $$ than he does? is your future secure (retirement)? who pays when you go out? have you talked of marriage? lots of unanswered questions. a big red flag is that your bf is making excuses for his son. sounds like he should be considering your wishes at the minimum ESPECIALLY with what you are willing to do for his son financially. i wouldn't even THINK of moving in with them until at least this one issue is resolved, and each of the above questions are answered. you need to determine whether or not this man is using you first. maybe you have already, but all we have to go on is the minimal information you have given us. and then after all THAT, the ex is still alive and will make your life hell. i could see doing all you want to do for the son, if all the questions were answered, if the ex was dead. but never in a million years as long as both parents are alive.

I am in a situation where I make more as well. My one suggestion is once you dip your foot in the water, its hard to dry off. Meaning, you may be shooting yourself in the foot putting out money like that.. it leads to more. Dont bite off more than you may want to chew until things are solidified and its been more than 3 years... Ive alreday made all the mistakes... nothing worse than floating a family, you could be stuck..