Do you sometimes feel like life is just one long guilt/anxiety trip?
...when you live with other people, and especially children, who are emotionally attached and want your time and attention?
For example, SO's son wants to play a game on the console with me. So he's waving this controller in my face going "pleeeease, eh? Eh? Eh? Can you?" but I'm in the middle of a conversation with mum/SO whom I haven't seen all day and am due to head out to work in about an hour. Kid starts timing me "how long will you be? Will you play after you've drank that?". So mum gets angry (on my behalf) at her son and shouts "he doesn't want to! Go away!". But I also haven't seen the kid in a day or so.
I just feel guilty and anxious as hell about it all. I'm not in the mood to play games or talk about "high scores" or "fastest laps". But I also don't want SO to make the lad feel bad about it. His brother plays with him but he wants me to play instead. His mum doesn't play console games and seems to have a much easier time saying "no" than I do.
Little situations like this get me down all the time because I really want to be this fun, up for anything kind of person, but I just don't have the energy or patience these days. Life is frankly a confusing and complicated headache sometimes.
Then there's SO who has so much on her plate. She vents a lot to me (much like I vent here to you guys!). Some days I just can't deal with it and am pretty unresponsive. I might end up out the house for most of the weekend when I'm at my lowest, just so I don't say anything I regret, or bring the mood of the house down with me. So I end up feeling guilty about leaving and I feel guilty if I stay.
Then there's stuff like letting your friends or family down if you've got commitments at home and choose to prioritise them. I just dwell on it and end up getting myself down.
Life really is one long guilt trip when you have a lot of competing emotional interests and obligations.
Why didn't my dad wear a condom? I say that more tongue in cheek than serious, but sometimes I look at life and inwardly scream "fuuuuuuck ooooffffff".
On a brighter note, summer time begins at the end of the month! Whoop dee-doo! Warm guilt is slightly easier to handle than freezing cold guilt.
Why not simply say - Kiddo
Why not simply say - Kiddo I'm not into gaming if you want to play lets get out the cards, board games and do it as a family....
MY own kid drives me mad with gaming and I use to tell him - I have brains I do not need to be entertained by that shit, if you want to be with me get your ass in the garden the lawn needs mowing and I will prune the sides and bushes..
I think it will be helpful to
I think it will be helpful to accept the fact that you are just a single human being and there is a natural limit to the time and attention that you have to share with the world. Naturally, that means you have to weigh options and set priorities in your life. Sometimes your needs will come before the needs of others, no need for guilt, it's just the way it is.
It sounds like you are a nice person and are concerned that people won't like you if you "let them down". The thing is that people (kids included) will continue to "take" from you until you are just empty. They may not have a concern that you are over obligated.. or over stressed. Children especially are very self-centered. It just doesn't occur to them that people have anything better to do than to take care of their needs and wants.
Part of our roles as adults in their lives is to help them understand that while they are cared for, they are not the center of the universe.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you saying. Hey bud, I have to go to work in an hour and your Mum and I have some things we need to talk about before I go. I won't have time to play the console with you today. How about we have a game on Sunday afternoon (or whenever you anticipate being able to commit to an hour or so of gaming with the child). He may get upset, he may cry or whine... but it's not something that you should feel guilty about. He can't expect to monopolize everyone's time all the time... just not realistic. You are perfectly within your right to set boundaries and expectations with him on your time.
You can avoid SO making him feel bad by just delivering the message yourself in a clear and no wiggle room way. No means no right now.. I will do it at X time and place ok?
The same goes for the other people in your life. You can't be everywhere and everything to everybody. Say no if you are over booked or need downtime.
Practice saying things like:
I'm sorry, I won't be able to make it Saturday, I have already made plans that I can't change (to nap).
I would love to help you move, but I need to catch up on some work that day.
I'm sorry, I can't commit to that obligation right now, my schedule is very up in the air.
Think about this... Do all your friends and family just drop everything to come running when you call every time? I am guessing NOT.
It's ok to be unavailable and it's ok to reserve time for yourself and the things you want to do.