Buying me and SD8 the same jewelry?
So my DH goes on a business trip. Mind you it was a cruise. Yeah, his company does crap like that. Well, the wives were invited to go, but I couldn't because I recently started a new job and did not have any vacation time. So he went alone.
Did not hear from him for a few days due to no reception on the high seas, etc. Then by the time he got to land again and called me, I wasn't very happy. I was a bit jealous that he was on a free cruise with a company he loves while I'm stuck in a job I hate at a company I don't like.
So he says to me... don't be sad, I bought you something. I'm thinking... oh, good! A gift! How thoughtful!
He comes home and we go into the bedroom and says that he waited in line for over an hour to talk to the jewelry reps to pick out a special gift for me and then he hands me a box. A gorgeous bracelet in my favorite color! I was elated! Then he says... Oh, yeah, and I bought SD8 one just like it.
WHAT! WTF!?! Took the romance right out of it. Took that "special" feeling I had and flushed it down the toilet. The smile immediately left my face and I just said "how nice."
To this day... a few months later... I have not worn the bracelet. It just sits in the box and I get annoyed when I see SD8 with hers on.
The worst part is that I cannot tell him how I feel because it will erupt into a fight. Can't say anything to him about SD8 without a fight sometimes.
Would the fact that DH bought you and your hideous, annoying, bratty stepdaughter the same jewelry have had a similar effect on you?
You are so right. They don't
You are so right. They don't think like we do. That I can accept to a point.
The real heartbreaking thing is that I can't even tell him that it hurt my feelings because he will just get defensive over SD8. Having to keep my feelings to myself makes me resentful sometimes.
I blame that stupid jewelry
I blame that stupid jewelry commercial on tv where the guy gives the little girl the same necklace he gave to mommy.
:sick:
Mother's day is coming ... We
Mother's day is coming ... We will be sure to see it. Make sure you comment on how inappropriate it is to elevate a daughter to spousal status. How it stunts a kids ability to form appropriate bonds with peers and detrimental it is to kids in general. How the woman feels grouped in and like nothing special. Blame all of us (or if your ST is secret - some random post on facebook). It will get your point across.
I dunno, in the scenario you
I dunno, in the scenario you describe I don't think it would bother me. He waited for an hour to pick something out for YOU, in YOUR favorite color, which YOU thought was gorgeous, so clearly it was your style. SD was sort of an after thought there.
Now if my DH ever bought something in my SD's style and got me a copy? THEN I'd be pissed!
What you suggest is certainly
What you suggest is certainly possible... but did I mention that DH has a propensity to lie when it comes to his kids? Perhaps he had the intention to buy her something too all along and just didn't share that. I mean... considering that he has lied about the way SD8 was conceived, oh, 3 or 4 times now?
I read it this way as well.
I read it this way as well. I think it was a sweet, well thought out gift.
Yeah, I think I would have
Yeah, I think I would have felt different if it had been a different gift.
As far as the other comment about asking him why he bought us the same gift. I already know that unfortunate answer. SD8 likes to have the same things that I have.
Seriously?? He actually told
Seriously?? He actually told you that...? How about this, wear it one night when you both are alone then tell him to please not get you the same gift as his daughter. If you have to use the word tacky, then say it.
More importantly, why did he go on the cruise without you? Since you couldn't go he should not have accepted, that's what I'd be steamed about. He could have easily said he couldn't go because you had to work etc. etc. imo that is a much bigger issue, then the bracelet.
Its a business trip- he can't
Its a business trip- he can't say no.
I go some really cool places for work- souses aren't even allowed- its business.
Yep... you are right. He
Yep... you are right. He couldn't say no. They go on trips every quarter. When you get invited by the CEO of the company, you don't say no... at least not if you are trying to advance your career. If you are into career suicide, then go ahead... say no.
I see, I thought it was a
I see, I thought it was a once a year pleasure deal. That's different, probably wouldn't want to go then.
Well hopefully this will be the last he does that, probably just let it go then.
OMG You sound like my DF. He
OMG
You sound like my DF. He has been making a fuss about me traveling without him. I'm off all summer and have a ton of breaks during the school year. DF only gets 15 vacation days a year.
I will retire years before he does. (If he's ever able to retire).
He expects me to limit myself to his vacation schedule. Nope, not going to happen.
Woo-hoo! Can I get an
Woo-hoo! Can I get an "amen!"
This is the same DH that slept with his SD (not me) from the time we got together (she was around 2) until the time I finally put my foot down (which was when she was 6 or so). I mean... I didn't get into a relationship/marriage to sleep alone!
Oh, and not to get religious
Oh, and not to get religious on anyone, but speaking of SD8 and jewelry.
At Christmas, DH gets out a jewelry box for her. I didn't know what it was. Was a little taken aback.
Well, it was a cross to wear around her neck. And I said..."oh, congrats! Did you get baptized? Did you get saved?" And that little brat turned around to me with the most bewildered look on her face and said, "Huh?"
I'm just sayin'
A bit sacrilegious to wear a cross and not even know why you're wearing it or what it means. All she knows is that DH and grandpa had one.
I'd be super pissed and also
I'd be super pissed and also would never wear it. Like smom101 I also don't like it when he takes SD13 to pick stuff out for me. At Christmas I asked for a charm for my Pandora bracelet, a nice one that meant something and I opened it and it was a cute one with gems on it and I love it and then SD chimes in and says "oh I picked it out". I reluctantly put it on my bracelet but don't wear the bracelet very often for this reason. My birthday is shortly after Christmas and I made sure to say "maybe you could get me something you pick our yourself for my birthday". I think he got the hint because he got me a ring and she had nothing to do with it. She doesn't even know its from him.
Men are just dumb and don't understand that we want things to be about us and not have others (especially kids) share in our special or meaningful things or events. For V-day I made SO a super cute present that was basically 52 things I love about you and SD kept asking and asking what it was and if she could see it and I said NO. He didn't understand why I didn't want her to see it. They just don't get that some things aren't meant to be shared with the world. All we want is just some private or special things just between us.
Do you think from the SD's
Do you think from the SD's perspective, she was trying to do a nice thing with picking out the charm?
Yes. She probably did think
Yes. She probably did think she was doing something nice but that's not the point. I just didn't like it. I don't think its necessary to consult her on what to buy me. I don't consult her on what to buy him. I'm just a private person and I think that couple things should be just between couples. Maybe im weird....lol
fuck.....that.......
fuck.....that.......
Nope... he has not asked why
Nope... he has not asked why it hasn't been out of the box. If he has noticed, he hasn't said anything.
And I don't disagree with you about other marital issues. But if women couldn't marry men with daughters that we couldn't talk to them about honestly, then none of us would ever get married. I have shared my feelings on subjects like this before and it just causes arguments. He just accuses me of being jealous of her. I am certainly not jealous of a bratty ugly 8 year old who is dumb as a brick. I don't care that he bought her something... I don't even care that it was a bracelet. I just don't like the fact that he made such a big deal about standing in line for a hour to buy me something when he just bought her one just like it.
I have asked him to go a therapist with me so that we can get issues like this mediated, but he won't go. He says "he" doesn't have the problem... and "he" doesn't need therapy.
hahaha "bratty ugly 8 year
hahaha "bratty ugly 8 year old who is dumb as a brick". Made me burst out laughing and had 3 co-workers turn and look at me like im crazy.
:::The worst part is that I
:::The worst part is that I cannot tell him how I feel because it will erupt into a fight. Can't say anything to him about SD8 without a fight sometimes.:::
I feel ya sister!
I can explain 'why' my feelings are hurt, then he can explain to me why he thinks it's 'selfish'.
I would hate the same gift as that brat, but I agree with some of the other posters. Men see things so differently- or in this case, don't see. They can be super stupid
Since you otherwise liked the
Since you otherwise liked the piece I assume its fairly expensive, not junk, so I'm wondering why he would buy such a nice piece for a kid - any kid - even yours if it were Christmas or something. Since he's not paying attention take it down to the pawn shop and trade it for something you like. If he notices the new piece tell him you've "...had it for decades and decided to start wearing it and oh by the way the one you bought? It fell off - I though the clasp was defective and should have had it checked".
Men are so stupid sometimes.
Men are so stupid sometimes. That would annoy the hell out of me. I would tell him otherwise it will happen again or he might not think to buy you anything any more since you don't wear the bracelet. Tell him it took the romance right out of it.
LOL... I love that idea! I
LOL... I love that idea!
I should definitely get him and my dad the same gift. He already can't stand it when I call my dad to ask for advice because DH thinks that he should be the only man that I call for advice. Then I guess my retort will be that I should be the only one he buys special expensive jewelry for that he has to stand in a long line to get!
Haha! Love it!
This is excellent. I would
This is excellent. I would not stew one more day on this -- way too much head space. Just tell him. And it is NOT about SD. When he tries to make it be your problem with jealousy of SD, keep steering the conversation back to what YOU need to feel loved. He didn't do this on purpose to hurt you, and you get that, but the gift didn't in any way make you feel special. You don't want just a pretty THING, you want something meant just for YOU. If you tell him, he has the opportunity to change his behavior the next time he buys you a gift. If you don't tell him, he can't learn.
Lol "don't buy me jewelry
Lol "don't buy me jewelry with hearts on it." I've had to tell DH don't buy me clothes with skulls on it. He picks clothes out of the junior section.
Excellent response!! Now
Excellent response!! Now memorize this and repeat it to your DH exactly as written ! Lol
My DH is guilty of this. He
My DH is guilty of this. He thinks it's cute for us to match. But I know the real reason is because it's time saving. We're an intact family so I'm not offended. But, to me it's just a guy thing and I wouldn't read too much into it.
I am resisting posting on step life posts since I'm not in the trenches anymore and that seems to be a requirement here. Just wanted you to know it's normal imo
This happened to me too, my
This happened to me too, my Fiance bought me home a dozen of roses and i thought aww how romantic until I saw that he bought a dozen if roses for his daughter (13yrs old) too. I was especially livid after the fact that we just punished her for being bad in school. I told him he was sending mixed signals, but he just didn't want to speak about it, saying I'm just complaining as usual.
Just be thankful you have a
Just be thankful you have a guy who will buy you roses. I went for years with my exH with nothing on birthdays, Christmas, or anniversaries. I do agree it takes the romance out of it when he gets it for his daughter too, but if you complain he may stop buying those roses for you as well.
You get flowers? What are
You get flowers? What are flowers? I know nothing of these so called "flowers" Hahahaha
Reminds me of the day I came
Reminds me of the day I came home and found flowers in the kitchen and in SD's room. DH said "Gee, you're welcome for the flowers."
I said "OH, they were for me? How would I know that, I assumed they were for her, since I saw the same ones in her room."
SD said "No he got them for you but I took a stem for my dresser."
I was so stunned that DH actually got me flowers and it wasn't a special occasion.
whooooaaaa - wait a sec....
whooooaaaa - wait a sec.... back up the truck....
WHAT????
He bought YOU roses, she saw them first and TOOK some for herself?????
Did I read that right?????
Did ANYONE (and by anyone I mean your DH) tell her off for taking part of someone elses gift???
OMFG
this is sick. no other word
this is sick. no other word for it.
its like buying the same gift for ones wife and ones mistress.
i did something i should not have. when adult sd moved in with us after high school i suggested he buy her flowers fr valntiens day. her stepfather had just left bm for another woman, and daughter was upset. (karma train hit bm.)
bad move. sd then thought of herself as the mini and female head of household.
sometimes a good motive will bite you in the backside.