Absolutely voice your opinion if your money is intended to pay for their education. No way no day would I be subsidizing their decision. That's ridiculous. Keep your finances separate. What would he do if you were not there to support him?

I say you should not say a word or voice your opinion, trust me it will only come back to bite you.

BUT keep your finances completely separate. You each pay for your half of the living arrangements.

Obviously since you are currently subsidizing, he cant afford it. Then he will have to deal with the fact that he cant afford. And you don't have to be the "bad guy'. }:)

If BM can afford it, then she will get what she wants.

I agree. Have a third "family account". Each of you deposit 1/2 of the household expenses and pay the bills out of this joint account. If his kids are visiting then he'll have to pay more, mostly for food, but if you've gotten a apartment or house larger than you need so they can have a room that should be allocated to his share.

I can see him putting ALL of his money after child support into this account. Tough. If you two weren't shacking up then he would be paying ALL of his money towards the same end use. If you're not subsidizing him then he won't have any money left for private school.

You didn't mention children of your own and I don't think you have any. Please do not have children with this guy for 2 years if ever. He can't afford it and you may find that this guy really isn't the guy you want to father your children. Far far better to have a guy with no baggage and this guy has plenty of baggage, kids and ex-wife who wants it all and him to pay for it.

And yes its perfectly all right for you to tell him up front that all of this is because you don't want your income going to raise his kids set aside school them in a private school. If he starts any crap about a marriage being equal then leave, all you are is a source of money and sex. Oh cook and maid also.

You live in the USA so you have the right to voice your opinion-free speech. But hopefully your finances are separate. Even if you were married to the dad this is ultimately for him to decide with bm.

Ultimately its the choice of the birth parents. You do have a right to put your opinion forward, i would if if i was in your situation. Im already seeing my partner spending alot on his child. And we are meant to be saving for a house, i subsidize most of the bills and pay the whole mortgage, so i think i need to have a chat to mine asap! :sick:

Your BF is providing resources for his children's schooling. It is called CHILD SUPPORT!!!

Even as the custodial Step Parent I comprehend that CS is the NCPs contribution to the costs of raising the kid. We sent my SS to boarding school for his Jr. and Sr. year of HS. His Sperm Clan just about shit a brick thinking we would force them to pay for it. Nope, his mom and I paid for it though we did quite enjoy tormenting the Sperm Clan about how they were NOT worth a shit enough to truly participate in the costs of raising their eldest child/grandkid. }:)

Worthless POS toxic, polluted, and shallow gene pool that they are they bitched about having CS go up from $110/mo to $133mo so even the thought of being forced to participate to the tune of $10K/yr for half of the Skids private school realted costs and more (transportation to and from school, activities, uniforms, awards/rank, national and international competition costs, etc....) just about threw them in to appoplexy. Fun, fun, fun. }:) }:)

If you and BF are going to be life partners then IMHO you have every right to express an opinion or even force an issue regarding costs to your joint household including Skid related costs. Of course this becomes fully relevent once you and BF marry. Until then, to the Skids you are just dad's GF and to BM you are her STBXH's girl toy. What you are to your BF will be revealed by his actions and how he engages with you and includes you in all decisions impacting your lives together.

Good luck.

my fiance's plan says that all educational decisions must be jointly agreed upon. if they cant be jointly agreed upon, then the local public HS trumps.

what sucks for us is we want SD13 to go to the Tech School because it is better suited to her abilities. her mother went there, as did her entire family. she'd have no problem wtih SD going there but the little princess "doesnt waaannna" go there so BM wont agree, even tho its the best thing.

funny thing is, she only wants to go to the regular HS because she wants to play varsity sports. this is stupid for two reasons. 1, they have varsity at the Tech SChool and 2, she SUCKS at sports and has no chance in hell of making varsity anyway!

she will most likely flunk out of HS or barely pass. a waste as she will have no skills and no chance of getting into college.