Thank you for reposting this, and I really would LOVE to hear her answer... Perhaps it would help us all.

This is overwhelming. I can not wait to see the response.

As a BM, I don't identify in the least with the anonymous BM's post.

I'm a BM also and my three bs have had other woman via thier BD in their lives and never once did I feel like the post above. The ONLY thing I ever wanted was mutual respect, and to know that my child is cared for and loved while over there. Period the end..... I'm pretty sure my DH ex might've posted that but then she'd be being honest and that wouldn't happen.

I am the mother, nothing or no-one will change this fact. No matter how many people enter and leave my bd's life. I will still be the mother. I do understand the power of being the mom, and I am it. No one can replace me in my daughters life.

I have a different perspective than probably most of you on this site.

My BD is 30, we divorced when she was 26. So I do not deal with a stepmom, vistiation, child support etc.

I dealt with the pain my daughter went through when my ex's new GF was so jealous of my BD and told my ex that he could no longer see her alone because she was the love of his life and they should have nothing in their lives they do not share. BD and her dad went to dinner once a week, to stay in touch.

Of course he went along with it and it devastated my BD. So basically after a year of insanity, my daughter wrote off her dad because she was just sick of the gf, it was and is so sad.

My daughter moved to DC last year so she has her own life and doesn't deal with her dad's drama. We see each other every couple of months. She loves my SO and the skids so I am blessed.

Crazo, the skids mom is never happy and creates drama all the time. She is threatened that the skids love me and that I love them.

I am not a threat to her. SHE IS THE MOM and nothing will change that. I don't understand why she feels this way....I never will.

Why are women so insecure? I love her kids and care for them, I never and I do mean never speak ill about her to them, and believe me I could. She is their mother and even when fss14 says something bad about his mother I correct him.

He says to me you tell me not to talk bad about my mother but she talks bad about you all the time. I tell him I cannot control what his mother does. But she is his mother and he will not speak badly about her in front of me. We teach by example.

We need to understand our roles as mom's and stepmoms. The problem is so many men and women have to assume the role of the birth parent because their skids birth parent is a pos. This muddies the step world.

I guess that is why we are all on this site.

As a stepparent and not a BM my response would be:

As a person who never dreamed of being a stepparent, I love everything about my DH and therefore I love SS2. We are a family and our daily decisions and lifestyle reflect that - we are responsible and loving adults who work together to create an environment suitable for a 2 year old as we would do if he were our bio son. However, I do greatly respect that this child has a mother. I have a mother who I adore, respect and talk to daily so I'm happy he has a mother. I would welcome this woman into our home and have her over for dinner if I knew she could keep her insecurities to herself, or know that she is not looking for some ammunition to hold my DH and his parenting time hostage. I would be happy to pay for FT daycare while BM is going to school and working if I knew she wouldn't accuse us of hiding money or go after more CS.

I realize I am sometimes the catalyst of BM's insecurities and wish I could tell her how important I think she is to her son and to us but she would not believe me or it would sound condescending to her I think. She did not grow up with the sort of open and unconditional love that DH and I did so it does not register with her except with her son...and so she believes she is the only one to know such a bond.

I could go on and on but frankly, I don't have much empathy for people who excuse their foul behavior with their insecurities. We all have them, but I am not in junior high anymore and therefore must get over them as most responsible adults do. also, they're her insecurities not mine. She's the one with control of how she lets them affect her and her behavior.

If there is something BM doesn't like then she should calmly say something about it or GET OVER IT...that means letting it go completely - not tucking in the back of her disorganized mind so it spews out in one of her beligerant tirades.

Ok. I am a BM and a SM. I do not feel the same as a BM as ANON BIOMOM does in this case. I have never felt threatened or insecure when it comes to the GF's my exH has had. I have never felt guilty that we are no longer a nuclear family. The bottom line is, life is better for my girls this way. Growing up in a house where mom and dad fight all of the time and basically hate each other is not the dream I had when I was a child for the life for my kids. Would it have been nice to have loved one another enough to make it through and my kids have their mom and dad under one roof, eh, I suppose. But seriously, I am a realist, and I know that they are better off having their parents live separately before one of us killed the other. ExH has had a few serious girlfriends. Mostly younger that step right in to the "mommy" role with my girls, and that is fine with me. In my opinion, my girls NEED a mom type person at their dads house. He lives with his mom right now, so that role is taken over by my ExMIL, and I am good with that. And one day he will find the right girl and marry her, that girl will HOPEFULLY want to spend quality time with my girls, and love them and paint their nails, brush their hair and take them shopping. AND DISCIPLINE THEM when needed!!!! So unless I hear horror stories about this woman (and even then I would go to my ExH and have him explain to me what REALLY happened and not take the word of a 10 year old) I am good with whoever wants to love my girls in a family role at their dad's house.

Now, SS's mom.... she is a piece of work. I don't really know what her insecurities are. If she is so insecure about me having a "motherly role" in SS's life, then she should step up and do the things for him that I do, that she gets her panties in a wad about. Lord knows SOMEONE has to register him for school each year, she has never done it... but then gets mad when I do?? He LOVES baseball... I sign him up. She could do it, but she doesn't. He needs a hair cut TAKE HIM. He needs school clothes BUY them. He wants to go to the park TAKE HIM. Don't be insecure about the things that I do, when you are perfectly capable of doing them for him and choose NOT TO. That is not my fault.

Wow!! what a shame.......thank god my BM is on our side w/ things with SD.....I don't think SP should be viewed as a threat at all!! bios love their parents very much and if it ever came down to it I would pray that their SP would treat them wonderful and vice versa!!

Dear Mom, its okay it didnt work out with you and dad. I wouldve been okay, if you guys wouldve been ok. Things were fine until dad got a serious girlfriend. Then engaged, then married. I dont get it mom, you dont want dad, but you dont want anyone else to have him either? Dad is happy. I love that dad is happy. I like his new wife she is nice. She is nice to me. We hang out alot together because for some reason dad isnt around alot. Thats ok cause he seems happy when i see him. I live with you mom, you dont seem as happy. You dont like my stepmom. As a matter of fact, it seems the happier dad is the more you are not. Why dont you like my stepmom? I dont understand. But i do know you feel. One thing you make very clear mom, is that you dont like her! Im confused. But im not confused about how YOU feel. You dont like my stepmom, and anyone who does like her hurts your feelings. Oh mom, i love you soo much. I dont want to be like those other people who hurt your feelings. I wont like my stepmom too. Does that make you happy mom? I want to make you happy.
My stepmom still is nice to me. I want to like her, but i cant. Mom would be mad if i did. Being nice means liking her. I cant do that.
So i act up, i act out! Im such a good girl mommy, i hate her just like you do!
Daddy feels guilty. He doesnt want to be around me too. Thats ok, i dont like him too. Mommy is mad at him so i should be too. I know this because you tell me everything mom. Everything daddy does and doesnt do, how he hurts your feelings, makes you mad, everything.
Time goes on, your still mad mommy. But now daddy is too. He tells me everything too. My stepmom seems mad all the time too, and mad at me. I dont think she likes me much anymore. Where is daddy? He is hardly ever around its always just me and stepmom when i visit. I want to like everyone. Why cant all of you be ok?
Years pass, siblings come into the picture. I loove my siblings. Im treated different by my stepmom, i can tell. Thats ok, this really isnt my "home" anyway. I live at home with mommy still. I only visit my dad's house. I dont "live" there on the weekends, or vacations. I visit. My stepmom hates me. More and more. Im a better kid now. I try not to cause problems, but she is so mad all the time. Her and dad fight alot now.
Im grown now and a stepmom too. Thank you stepmom and mom and dad for showing me what NOT to do.
Dear Stepmom,
Im sorry. I did not know as a kid you were having problems with my dad. I did not know you were feeling left out, put out, unloved, unimportant, lonly, insignificant, dispensible. I didnt know that you felt that way when i came around because my dad focused time and attention on me and nothing on you after i left. I understand now your relationship problems with my dad spilled over and made it seem i was the problem. I was dads responsibilty not yours. And those times i did cause problems, i knew what i was doing, i didnt care. I wanted what iwanted and was prepared to get it any way i could! Dad was wrong for siding with me. I see that now because i have grown up.
I cant help but think though, if mom would have received counseling years ago she could have dealt better and not dump on me. I cant help but think if dad and stepmom got help they wouldnt have dumped on me.

I have to say that I never felt guilt either. When my ex left me for another woman she bought me a bunch of clothes and diapers and other things for my kids. I even let her come to the house with out my ex and drop them off and we talked. We also talked a few times at work.

They didn't really take the kids any where with them as they were babies but I never felt my parenting was threatened. I knew that he loved his kids and I had talked to his gf a few times and I felt ok with the whole change of dad having the kids with his gf EOWE and summers. The only thing is it never happened as he moved away and we never saw him again.

But what i am saying is that while that was going on I never felt that of wanted to 'take' over or anything like that only that she wanted to make sure the kids were taken care of b/c he left me for her. If anything I felt she felt guilty...