No you're not wrong! And your DH is being a dick. I never had a problem with the kids living with me after high school as long as they were going to college and working part time. It sounds like your son has his head on straight and has a pretty good plan. Is there more to this issue? Does your son and DH have a bad history? Sounds like somethings up...

Don't give in to his demands. I could see him wanting your son out if he were creating problems or sucking the family dry financially and emotionally. This is not the case. It sounds like you have done an absolutely awesome job raising your son. He is responsible, respectful, motivated, and intelligent. These are the kids we all want to help.
Your DH is being unreasonable. Stick to your guns. If DH tries to cut your bedroom in half, explain that he will then be sleeping in the doghouse ALONE, lol.

Hang in there!

First of all congrats to you for raising a son with a good head on his shoulders. I know you must be very proud of him. Secondly, like everyone else, I would NOT give into your husbands demand. My FSD won't come to our house because she was told she had to share a room when we bought our house. She was use to having her own room and now with my kids and his kids each kid must share a room. She wasn't even there so the bedroom would have set empty. So she won't come over. Fine with me....But I definitely wouldn't make your son move out. He is not sponging off of you and it sounds like he is a very hard worker not only with college but keeping a full time job on top of it all.

It sounds to me that you husband is having a wee freak out. Has he been adamant that his son have his own room before or is it a relatively new issue? You said that he now works for you in your company, and you initially bought the house. Could your husband have low self esteem about being a provider? This could be his way of 'providing' for his son. Perhaps he sees his son having to share as a failure on his part?

This is not my way of saying he's failed anyone, but it could be the case if he's sensitive in that department. It's possible if the pushing has come from your husband rather than your stepson's desire for privacy. If you think the above has legs, it might be worth reassuring and reminding him of his contribution and how much he means to you and your family.

I agree with you that it's unfair to put pressure on your older son to move out, especially since your stepson has no great shakes about sharing a room. Many children share at that age and by the time he will really want his own space, it sounds like your oldest will have moved out anyway.

I hope the above is useful! I always forget that where women tend to get teary when they are hurt, men will get angry and carry on like a pork chop. (Not sure if thats strictly an australian term, I just mean carry on like chicken with its head cut off... mmm is that better? You all know what I mean:)

Delilah
www.howtolivewithaliens.blogspot.com

Ok-I only read your post and not the other responses so it's a blind post

"Now....all I ever hear from my husband is how he better move out NOW so that HIS son can have his own bedroom. His son is here every second week and is terrified to be in the basement alone; nevermind sleep there. But of course, his son is now saying he won't be scared OR....my husband is threatening to cut OUR bedroom in half and make another bedroom for his son. His son has NEVER slept alone in a bedroom here. When my son is away, he begs to sleep in his sister's room.

I am SO upset by this. My son is hard-working and so motivated. He is on his way to success and since he's NO trouble, why can't he stay?? I realize this means he may need to stay an extra year (to save up and he will be 21 by that time) but so what? Am I wrong??? "

I'm sorry but I would tell your "dh" to kiss your ass..just like that. What a jerk! What gives him the right!! YOU Bought the home-you have a responsible son working and going to colleg-there is NOTHING wrong w/him staying longer while he tries to make a good investment that will hold him the rest of his life...over having a seperate room for an EOW kid??? AND he's only 11??

I'm sorry but where the hell are his priorities? A singel room for an 11yr old is NOT a guarantee-your 12yr old is older then that...your SS can tough it out for another year. Since when does your DH dictate what you do with your kids-over a ROOM? Stand firm on this one-REALLY firm. This is your kids life and future over a ROOM every other wknd-HELL no. He has a room at his moms house already. Oh that infuriated me!!

OH...AND you provided him with the home initially AND a job-he's being an insecure wuss-sounds like his son is also!

You bought the house without your DH? Tell him to take a hike! He can buy a house without you and have his son in his own room. These men are just outrageous. He might pay part of the mortgage, but then again, he'd have to pay to live anywhere...

Bottom line is instead of using this opportunity to teach his brat about working hard, doing good in school and how you will help him if he keeps his life straight...he's using it to teach his bratty kid that whatever HE WANTS he gets? Great...If you dare get your son out of the house, make sure that you also make him sign a paper that as soon as his kid is 18, if he has no job and is doing poorly in school he has to get out...and if he does good, then he can stay until he's 19 and then be kicked out!

My personal rule is that if you are going to school working and not causing problems you can stay, although mine would have to pay pseudo rent, i think it helps get them ready for the real world, but I would put it away or at least half for a down payment and starter money on an apartment after graduation

Hell no! Your son is doing everything right and sound like an ideal son. THere is NOTHING wrong with your helping him. What does he expect? I wouldn't even discuss it with him anymore.

I have no advice for you as this is a hot issue for me. I let my H treat my son and I as second-class citizens. Now my son is 20 and living on his own, working about 45-50 hrs a week and playing shows on the weekends.

SD is a single unwed teen mom who dropped out of HS in her senior year. (SS is a great kid, though).

Of course, my H says it is BECAUSE he was a hardass towards my son that my son turned out as good as he has. :O

Wow. You raised an amazing boy! That is awesome. For me, if I thought about this happening in my own life... I would be happy that SS was a great person and doing well for himself, but I would want him out because he is old enough to be on his own and doesn't need to be in my home at that age. But that's because I am not close to my DH's kids and don't want them around now much less when they are over 18. But your DH should be happy that he is doing well for himself and not the other way around. I would defenitely not put up with my DH's kids sitting around my house at 20 with no job and no goal in life. Is your DH close to your son? Does your son pay rent? I'd have him pay rent and the money he gives you for that put it in a savings account for him to use towards moving out. That may make DH back off and have a little patience until your son moves out in the near future.

You ARE NOT wrong. The ss is only there every other week and probably has a room at his BM house. Kicking your responsible 19 (soon to be 20) year old son to the curb would damage him emotionally. Just because he is 19 does not mean he is ready financially or emotionally to be on his own. I bet you when SS becomes 19 your DH will not be kicking his son out! Don't do it. I made the mistake of selling my home and buying a bigger one to accommodate my SS and SD who visited every other week. My son was 18 and going away to college, didn't think he would miss his old room plus he had a room at his dad's only a few miles away. It caused tremendous upset to my son. Would NEVER do that again.

Please read my latest blog on these types of situations. I think my blog may give you valuable insight as what to do with YOUR son.

good luck.

Wow. Your son can come live in my basement if he wants - still rent free!

No, but seriously, you are so NOT wrong! Your son sounds like a good kid who just needs a little help right now and since you have the space and everything seems to be working out fine there is no reason you can't continue to provide this for him!

Wow. I remember telling my H that his son had to move out after her graduated HS and turned 18, but we were talking about a kid who was failing almost every class 6 weeks before graduation (so I firmly believe the teachers simply pushed him out!), was unemployed, had no driver's license (so of course no car), slept most of the day away and couldn't manage to complete simple household chores and follow simple household rules (like no eating in the bedrooms, keeping HIS bedroom clean, and cleaning out the shower when he's done!) This kid had no direction or desire to go to college and even pissed away his chance at the military to go shack up with some girl over the summer on HER DIME! Yeah, that's the kind of "winner" we like to keep around...NOT!

I can "top" this. Before my miscarriage there was talk of putting the baby and crib in a walk-in closet so that SD7 could have her own room, 6 nights a month...(God works in mysterious ways)

Now BD20 is out because of the crap that goes on here all the time and moved in with roomies. SD7 is still the cherub in the picture to this day.

This is not a joke. Put a baby in a closet and make life so awkward for my own but SD7 still gets free rooming and VIP treatment?

Wait, so your H works for you on paper only - as in he has a job, but doesn't do it and now is bitching and whining about your son? He needs to get his head out of his ass. He's acting like a lot of the over entitled steps that get complained about here. I'd start thinking about downsizing your headcount at work starting with your H. If he's going to reap the benefits of your business without doing a damn thing for it then he needs to STFU about your son who is actually working and being successful. Stand your ground!

You're not wrong if your son is a respectful contributing member of the household - Does he take out the trash, mow the lawn, pick up after himself?

Build another room in the basement. Or split the SS current room. Or Split the SD room. Or put SS in a closet somewhere.

Just from my own personal experience....keep your son! He sounds like a wonderful young man and he is doing what he is suppose to be doing. Congrats to you for raising them to be respectful. My son did move out and it was horrible for me. But he now has come back home. he too is in college and now working a part time job. He is on the Dean's list and I am very proud of him. But there were issues there too. But if you are like me its hard to "kick" your son out when they are doing what they are suppose to be doing. Stay strong!

When I first read the title of your post, I thought maybe your son was like my SD (27) whom I've wanted out for the past few years because she's lazy, petty and manipulative. But your son is the total and complete opposite.

You are to be commended on raising him to be the upstanding, responsible young man he's going to become. He's on the right track and you should be very proud of him.

Your DH is being ridiculous. Since his son is afraid of sleeping in the basement or alone for that matter, perhaps you should buy a cot or a convertible sofa so he can sleep in the living room or another room in the house.

Ummmm "HELL NO DS WON"T GO!" Lather, rinse, repeat.

Your DH is being unreasonable and ridiculous. Your DS-19 sounds like an amazing young man and he has earned your support and even the support of your DH. Lord how I wish my SS-18 had the work ethic that your DS has. My SS is extremely intelligent but he is LAY-ZEE. That is why he is going in to the USAF on April 12th. He blew the mom and dad full ride for college with his poor judgment and complete lack of work ethic.

I would let DH know in no uncertain terms that you are not evicting your son who is a full time resident of the home and has been for years so that a part time resident can have their own room.

The arrangement you have in place now sounds very reasonable and having SS-11 rock the boat because he is afraid of the basement is just plain and obviously wrong IMHO.

I would counter DHs bullshit with "you are welcome to sleep in the basement with SS-11 when DS -12 is not there."

If this turns in to a deal breaker issue you can always fire your DH since he works for you. It won't impact your family income. Just give yourself a raise equal to DH's income after you fire him. }:)

This may just be your DH flexing his manly status. It has to be hard for a man to work for his wife and have a SS who will shortly outperform him in earnings and career success. Regardless if this is the case or not, your DH is not rational on this issue and is down right WRONG.

IMHO of course.

Alison.....I didn't read the responses and I am sure you got alot of good advise. I would be very upset if I were you. It sounds to me like husband is trying to win the love of his child and not being there for him on a daily basis may present the desire to endulge a child when they are around.

I would suggest that you sit with husband and agree on the rules of the hosue and what you each think is proper as far as allowing or not allowing an adult child to live at home. Our rules were that as long as the child was going to collage they coudl stay at home but they woudl ahve to pay for their own classes which meant they had to hold a job and they had to pay for their own gas, insurance and any car pmts if there were pmts. if they decided not to go to school, they still had to get a job and they would then have to pay rent. We are not hurting for $, but we felt is was a way to encourage the kids to go to college. One of our adult children (we have 4 adults) decided to not go to college and paid $100 a month rent instead.

In my book your son is doing all I would expect of him as long as he was remaining respectful of you and your husband and was not disrupting the household with his personal life.

Sounds to me like you have a fair sleeping arrangement in the home. I think the issue lies with your husband's desire to provide his son with something more.

The articles you have on your website are always so enjoyable to read. Good work and I will be returning often.

shemale.nl
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Typical double standard once again. I feel your pain. GG can say NOTHING good about Awesomeson who we rarely see; he works 2nd and double shifts, made his own way in life since age 17 (when friggin' GG moved in and his three-brat circus started). He doesn't ask for money, doesn't eat our food, doesn't drive up the utilities because he's hardly there. Now he's gone off to the Air Force and will be continuing school and working about 2 hours away from us.

HIS brats would drive up the utility bill so high from laundering pissed soaked clothing and bedding (they are HUGE for their ages) the food bill would skyrocket due to their incessant junk food/fast food eating, the toy budget was through the roof as GG would disneyland dad them into oblivion.

He even set the stage to excuse his budding felons, especially his now 13 year old PASed out hellion daughter by saying that my daughter who is a real homemaker and her husband supports her (their choice) is akin to one of his co-worker's (typical free ranging BFF BM) out of control, drug taking, felonious, assault charged teenaged girl!!! Saying that they both were "on the system" AHEM my daughter and her husband are NOT on any gov't assistance of any kind, unlike his brood when VD (SD13) gets preggers at 15.

Husband is clearly jealous. At best he's just being selfish in favor of his son. There is no way in hell I'd tell that boy he has to leave. He's fulfilling the basic requirement of living at home for FREE - continued education. Stand firm - the answer is NO.

The kid who is afraid of the basement? Why can't he sleep on the couch or on the floor in one of the boys rooms? Get a fold up bed. Basements can be scary especially in a unfamiliar house.