Address this with MIL or let it go?
My BD is 3 and she can be shy when she doesn’t know someone or doesn’t know them well or when she hasn’t seen them in a long time. The people she sees regularly, she is fine with.
MIL only sees her every few months - pretty much only on holidays and birthday parties. EVERY time she sees her she makes a comment in a nasty tone about her being shy. On Easter, she asked DH why she’s being so shy and DH said because she never sees you!
Her comments really bother my BD and now she thinks being shy is a bad thing (I told her it’s not and it’s normal to be shy around people you don’t see that much) and she thinks MIL is mad at her.
I want to ask her, before we see her next, to not mention BD being shy. Would you address it with her or is it not worth it?
I'd address it. It's rude and
I'd address it. It's rude and unnecessary. Tell her your daughter gets upset afterwards and it's affecting the way she sees herself.
I would ask DH to address it,
I would ask DH to address it, since it's his mother. If he wouldn't, though, I would say something.
Heck yes. You don’t shame a
Heck yes. You don’t shame a child at that age for that behavior. She’s acting normally. Your MIL is being very rude.
DH should be addressing it.
DH should be addressing it. It's his mother.
Thanks everyone. We are going
Thanks everyone. We are going to see her next month at a party so trying to get an idea of how to go about this. I don’t want BD to have to hear her stupid comments again. I am going to ask DH to say something first but usually I’m the one who has to handle anything he sees as confrontational. If he doesn’t do it or doesn’t address it properly, then I will.
I’d absolutely address MIL,
I’d absolutely address MIL, because this is not normal behavior - from her. And I wouldn’t abdicate it off on my DH either. My MIL would be hearing this directly from me, because there’s no way she would be getting away with trying to shame my very young child regarding a very normal and age appropriate behavior. My MIL also has a track record of crying huge crocodile tears when her children address her behavior.
Your MIL sounds like the type of person who gets her feathers ruffled if people in a room don’t immediately acknowledge her presence, or if employees don’t do cartwheels to help her.
This is her own personal problem - not your 3 year olds.
Ask your H to address his
Ask your H to address his mother and let him know if he doesn't take care of it that you will. If you do, MIL may not take it well so hopefully he'll stop worrying about confrontation and have his daughters back. Either way she has to be addressed.