To add insult to injury
Ss9's zoned school is right across the street from bs9's bus stop. I guess it wasn't enough that they are living so close by to us. The issue isn't ss, it's that I don't want to run into his mother.
Thanks a lot, mil. Must be nice that this isn't her problem anymore and now that everything is said and done, she gets to go to work happy in the morning while the rest of us are upset. Namely me & SO. BM is upset and doesn't want to be back in this town either.
Mil just caused chaos, lit the match, and walked away laughing. She's treated everyone in this situation like they are a puppet. I won't go any further, so I'll just say that I've never been more upset and uncomfortable about a situation like I have been the past few days. I don't like it when people are intrusive and have no consideration for personal space and that's exactly what mil did.
So why did BM move with her
So why did BM move with her if she didn't want to live there? She's an adult, not a pet dog.
Her parents asked her to
Her parents asked her to leave by going to mil and asking if she would take her and the kids in.
If mil had said no this wouldn't be happening. They would have just stayed. I have a feeling that her parents don't have patience for living with kids anymore because they wanted her to go, not her childless siblings. In a sense mil feels like she's doing this great deed she's a perpetual martyr. I get she wants to help but she also moved right by us and expects everyone to be okay with it. Now we have to make plans to move because I don't want to be that close to mil and not does SO.
I know how it feels to worry
I know how it feels to worry about bumping into either one of them but hopefully it will only happen occasionally.
I would stick it out for 2 or 3 months at least (maybe even wait until the school summer vacation). That way you can assess what real impact this has on you all.
I would also think through what you personally will do in various situations. if you bump into mil or BM on their own? If they have the step kids with them? If one of them shows up on your door step? If the kids turn up when it is not their scheduled time?
Generally ignoring people is the best way to avoid conflict and bore them into ignoring you back. But it gets complicated when children are involved too.
Moving is so expensive and stressful I would not jump straight into it but wait and see what happens first.
You're right about the moving
You're right about the moving part.
And obviously if the kids see me walking down the street and say hi, I'm stuck. Can't get out of that without being my usual polite self. But while their mom is right there? Inside I will be cringing so hard.
I'm just angry at mil. I feel like this was done on purpose because the last time we spoke she was excessively mean and nasty. Accusing me of being the one who destroyed SO's marriage when that did not happen under any circumstances. She blamed me for things that happened when I did not know these people. Their marriage failed and it's not my fault. I went NC with mil and now she does this. One did not cause the other but it looks a certain way that's all I'm saying.
Perhaps she did it on purpose
Perhaps she did it on purpose. But either way she now has to live with BM and kids when presumably before she had peace and quiet on her own. I also assume that she funded the move and pays the bulk of the household expenses. Those are some pretty heavy burdens to take on just to get back at you. She may well regret her decisions and be trying to kick them out after a few months or move again to a smaller place without them. After all if BM's own parents kicked her out, I dout MIL will last long with her plus the children.
I agree. Those things are
I agree. Those things are heavy to take on. I don't think she did it explicitly to get back at me but it makes things look confusing. As I wrote up there it makes things look a certain way. It's weird.
As for getting tired and wanting to move away from them, it's a yes or no possibility. I won't mince words— SS is her favorite grandchild. She might not want to be split from him again now that they're all under the same roof. She enjoys spoiling him a lot. Yet also she might not be able to stand his attitude once he's comfortable enough around her to act out. He already was doing that before when he lived farther away and saw her on weekend outings. I do know that she likes control and she undermines SO's parenting a lot, and she doesn't do anything like that to BM, interestingly enough.
Either way, time will tell.
So then we will have to bet
So then we will have to bet on who will make the first move to break up this new household...BM or MIL? Who will blink first?? Lol!
I used to have to see BM on a
I used to have to see BM on a regular basis to pick up ODS at school because she would be there at the same time to get SD. I dont miss it.
Also, your MIL sounds very narc-y.
Very narc-y.
Very narc-y.
Her behaviors are very inappropriate and she doesn't respect boundaries at all.
At. All.
Also her apologies are fake. All in all she's just a mean nasty person who hurt me (before this moving business happened) and I do not speak to her anymore.
Your DH's XILs and his own
Your DH's XILs and his own mother have facilitated this POS BM for far too long. That does not mean that you and DH have to support MIL's bullshit or facilitate BM's failed adult/parent status.
Your collective vocabulary with MIL should only consist of the word NO followed by "you do it". Period.
Whatever MIL asks you or DH to do needs to be met with no. She thinks she can throw the match on the fire then leave DH and you to fight the fire. Since BM doesn't matter, MIL should be held to solve any issues with the Skids on BM's Skid time. It may be far more effective to make MIL's decision a long term learning experience with her if she is forced to solve all Skid and BM problems while you and DH are watching their shit storm burn down from across the street ignoring MIL's forlorn paniced looks for help.
IMHO with people like MIL the only thing to do is abandon them to sink or swim with their choices. Treat her and BM no differently than you would if they were far away. Only deal with Skid issues on DH's time with the Skids. Other than that.... not DH's time, not DH's or your problem.
If moving is your choice, there is no reason to move far away. Just find a controlled access community to move to that is close by so that you do not have to completely upend your lives. Gated apartment complexes or housing communities give separation and privacy by making it nearly impossible for MIL or BM to come knocking on your door any time they want. The Skids can benefit when it is DH's time. They benefit by being in your community and your home and even better, they benefit from separation from BM and MIL when it is DH's time. MIL and BM wait at the gate since they will not be granted access to your community or home.
Worth a look IMHO.