10 Yr. Old driving me insane
So not having kids of my own, this past year and a half has been quite the learning process for me.
My fiance has two GIRLS 5 and 10. There have always been thing I cant stand or dont get. Some of them have resolved themselves, some of them are on going, some of them I have just learned to understand thats what kids do. My sister has 3 kids, and although not nearby, helps alot on letting me know what is and is not seen as normal kid behavior.
THe 10 year old has always been my biggest challenge. She is fiercly loyal to BM, which is fine with me. Its her Mom, shes more than allowed to love her and think she is Gods greatest gift. It doesnt bother me. At 10, she thinks and acts or THINKS she is 30 years old. She must be involved in our conversations. She tries to tell us what to do, is always asking questions on why are we doing something, etc. I swear, normal 10 year olds really dont care why you moved furniture, etc. I would imagine MOST 10 year olds would be pretty bored with adult conversations and doings. But she is always right there. She also has a HORRIBLE habit of needing/wanting attention. I get it, your parents are divorced, your confused, etc. But Why on Gods green earth, must you detail everything you do and feel. From the way your food tastes ("mmmmm,mmm, mmm"), to Listing out what your doing for the day, to rambling nonsense about everything. She is making any non verbale to not understandable noise she can, just to get attention and someone to notice she is in the room. Like we could actually not tell, jesus. She HANGS on her "Daddy", and is always holding her arms up saying "oooohhh Daddy", and wanting a hug.
I have been starting to observe a little difference in her attention and affection towards him though. I have always noticed the second he and I are giving each other affection, either one has to run right in because God forbid he gives me a hug and not one of them. But recently, I have notices her almost trying to be "the woman" of the house, if that makes sense?
Like Satruday we were sitting at the counter and I was rubbing his back under his shirt. No big deal.. maybe lasted 2-5 minutes. I got up and as I walked past him grabbed his head to me and kissed his head, and asked him if he wanted a refill on his coffee or anything else while I was up. Just ebing conseiderate. This is the type of relationship we have. We love each other :). So Maybe an hour or two later, he was sitting at the counter doing something on his laptop, and SD10 comes up to him and starts rubbing his back UNDER his shirt! Then she proceeds to start kissing him on his head! and saying "Ohhh Daddy, I love you, youre so funny". THen pats him on the back like a Mom or something, like good job. THen throughout the weekend there was constant, "Daddy can I get you anyting, Daddy are you Ok?"... I swear I about threw up in my mouth. What in heavans name is going on here!!? I KNOW she doesnt mean those things in the intimate/sexual way we do, but COME ON!! What am I supposed to do? I seriously cant stand the kid anymore. I havent the time to go into everything she does, doesnt do, but seriously - this has brought me to my limit.
Help me.
Dear dsp1978, I too have a
Dear dsp1978, I too have a similar problem with SD 10. Daddy is the CP and mother lives out of state so she is around 24/7. She use to ask DH who he loved most... right in front of me. I finally told DH to tell her "in front of me" that he loves her the most. DH said that "We both love you and are the most important thing in our lives". SD never asked again... Hopefully you have can communicate to your finance that you have noticed this situation with SD and work it out. I have the same problem with the hugging and the constant humming noise (which drives me insane), but I am trying to be the bigger person and when she figures out it isn't going to bother me she moves on. Remember that they are going to be part of his life forever...
Never having had children myself, this is something very difficult for me to handle some days.
Thanks Newmom! I know what
Thanks Newmom! I know what youre saying, and I do try and be the bigger person. I would never outwardly say anything to hurt her feelings or anything. I know in my heart she is just a confused young lady, trying to let me know she was here first. I get that.
Its just really really hard sometimes. There are times its all I can do to hold my tongue.
The hardest part with her, is in all honesty, she doesnt act like a normal 10 year old girl.
Now am I an expert in what every 10 year old should act like? Heavens no! But I have enough common sense (I think/hope) that I know the geralities of a 10 year old girl. I was one too afterall. Which that in and of itself makes me undertand certain things, and others not so much.
The acting like she is a grown up and caring about grown up things is just ridiculous to me. I cant imagine any child wanting to know to the minute when they are going to eat, what the plan is for the day. She will pipe into our "adult" conversations - like one night we were discussing a utility bill and she pipes in with not only her opinion, but what she apparetly knows about prices of things, etc. Ummmmm youre 10 - arent you more concerned with what Justin Bieber is doing instead of a gas bill? SO many things like this strike me odd. Her constant need for attention is insane. I could see if we or even just her father for that matter never paid attention to her, but we are always receptive to her needs and wants in anything. But she OVER does it, like I said with the noises, and the moaning and groaning, and the hanging on him and the NOW seemingly "wife" behavior. She tells us what we're supposed to do with her 5 year old sister, like baths, eating, what shes allowed to do, etc. Umm ok Mom - arent you more concerned with what activity youd like to do next?
All in all - I feel bad. I feel bad for her that something is making her need this attention. That she needs to feel like she needs to know all of these things to maybe have a somewhat control or stability to her life. It makes me sad, because I care about her. BUT The darn kid drives me batty - she is a brat, and I have a tough time handling it.
THanks for letting me vent.
It's like I am reading my
It's like I am reading my life's story...
I have the same situation as
I have the same situation as newmom because FDH is CP. I feel the exact same way as you both...I can take the misbehaving...the being spoiled beyond belief...but the constant hangin on, sitting on his lap, kissing on the lips, the incessant texting, having the need to know everything that we are talking about or who is calling, and following him around gets to me...I don't let her see it bothers me because I know it would only fuel the fire.
so , have you talked to your
so , have you talked to your hubby about this? I mean, is he receptive and understanding that her actions bother you?
sorry, but if my boyfriend's daughter (who is also 10 yrs old) stepped into all our convo's i would flat out say "this is an adult conversation" and then maybe step into another room. And she has tried to do that and even read our instant messages to eachother and tried to be like a counselor in our arguments! haha i just tell her "we are fine and this is nothing for you to worry about, please get ur dad"
seriously, maybe ur FSD keeps pushing for more attention cuz no one is telling her its obnoxious. there are ways to say it nicely. but from what i have learned, kids keeps "testing" to see how much they can get away with till someone makes them stop. maybe your fiance's daughter is just on a roll cuz no one calls her out on it.
anyway, i hope it gets better for you!!!
Its funny you say that-
Its funny you say that- notyetastepmom. The part about is he receptive and saying something about adult conversations. Her actions, believe it or not, bother him as well. Just not as deep as they do me. She is still his daughter of course. This weekend we were sitting eating dinner ( I make us all eat dinner TOGETHER) and we were trying to have a conversation, sort of an "under the table conversation", with like secret words if you will. Nothing that would make a person (or little person) go WTF?, but still coded for lack of a better term. She immidiately, after I said something wanted to know what I was saying and what I was talking about - FDH got so pissed at her (because he gets so tired of the contast intruding) and said - " THis is an A and B conversation so C your way out of it.". I nearly fell off my chair! LOL.... It shut her up for sure. She just got this look on her face like - uuhhhh and said ok. That was the end of it.
I think honestly, she was embarrased, BUT it actually resinates with what was said about calling her out on it. Maybe that will work??! I have no problems doing it, however, I kind of feel like since she does weird things SO damn often, I would be cutting her down all the time. As much as she drives me batty, I kind of would feel bad doing that.
oh i hear ya, you dont want
oh i hear ya, you dont want to be constantly criticizing her. but maybe call her out on like 50% of the things that she does that drive you nuts (and you know they are uncalled for for a kid her age), instead of 90%. haha
i mean, i admit that alot of what my boyfriend's daughter does drives me nuts (ie making noises while she eats or just watches tv, leaving a mess wherever she goes, comments about dinners we make, and this is just little stuff, i am not even getting to the lying and manipulating!), but i try and nto let the little stuff bother me.
everytime b4 she visits i run through with my BF what chores and "helping" we expect of her for the visit. honestly its getting better little by little. and if i feel something is just flat out rude, i let her know (as nicely as i can, haha). If my BF doesnt' back em up, we definitely have a "talk" after she goes to bed.
kids subconsciously need stability and part of that is rules, guidelines. and also,.... do you want tehm growin up to eb attention seeking, rude adults? if it was my kid, i know i wouldn't. (not that i have any bios)
Hey there! I can totally
Hey there!
I can totally relate! My SD who is 12 (soon to be 13) craves attention constantly from my DH - it drives him and me totally nuts!!!!! Last weekend we went to Starbucks and were hanging outside in the patio - and she kept playing with the attic bag saying how much she "loves" plastic bags?!??! She was just tearing it, pulling on it, ripping it - till finally DH said "enough!!!" And when we were in line at Starbucks, she kept wanting hugs from DH. It was really weird... But not out of the ordinary for SD. Anyway- I feel your pain!!! If you ever want to vent or compare notes - shoot me a line!