TRYING TO FIGURE OUT BM, WHY???
What am I doing to myself? Why do I check her myspace why do I care what she is doing. I love it when her myspace is sad, I hate when she seems fine, how can you be fine that you only see your son on wed. for 3 hours and then every other weekend? Now she has to pay CS to my DH and she can not afford the life style she has now, she was only doing ok because my DH was paying her 600 a month now she has to pay us 300 a month, not that I care how she survives, you had a child you should pay. I just read her myspace and it said what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, I think that is bullshit and only makes her feel better, how is seeing your son 5 days out of the month going to make you stronger. She goes around like she is the struggling victim, when she did all of this to herself, she got herself arrested twice and freaked out all the time, so we had witnesses for court. She acts like she should get some medal, that she has such a hard life, yeah no responsibilities, having someone else raise your child, real hard to pretend to be a good mommy 5 days out of the month and I have to be mommy for the rest of it. I am not sure why I feel this way about her, but I am sick of her acting like the victim, if she were not so crazy her life maybe different, but she is a stupid bitch who feels just because she gave birth she should be able to posion his little mind and get away with it. What is her problem and mine?
- Rosedeer1's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
rose
Rosedeer1, She probably has a tracker on her myspace and knows everytime you connect to her page. She can post anything there just to get to you and you dont really know if she is posting the truth. You cant force a person to parent or to love their kds.
Don't take this wrong
but it sounds like you are obsessed with her. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do - it's natural to try to figure out why she does what she does. Don't give the sorry BM another minute of your time. The more you check her out, the more you will keep doing it. Just stop doing it and pretty soon it won't matter what she does. She is not worth another minute of your time. The child will figure out on it's own who the real parents are!
"OCD sucks"
Habit and routine have an unbelievable power to destroy.
--Henri de Lubac
Why~
Time and time again we have to be reminded here not to let BM rent space in our head! Maybe if you can just tell yourself that everything she writes on her myspace page is a lie anyways... you won't be so inclined to check on her.
I have to admit, I do take joy in seeing Bm fail... sounds horrilbe, I know... not in ALL things... like I really want her to find a job and keep it. Ok, I guess this would explain it better. I enjoy telling her "I told you so" like with her boyfriends. I tell her what losers they are and they she is wasting her time, and when they prove me RIGHT, I enjoy it. Things like that... like when she tried to sue her previous employer for "wrongful termination".. I TOLDher she had no case and they would laugh at her... She was FURIOUS when they laughed at her, and I LOVED telling her "I told you so"!
I certainly understand the curiousity... but I think you will find if you get into the habit of NOT checking up on her... she will eventually evacuate your mind and you will regain your sanity. Give it a try.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )
I agree with Harley girl.
Why are you even reading her my space page?
And why would anything her stupid page says make you feel any different. You know she only puts things on there for you to see anyways, so why let it get to you.
DON"T READ THE PAGE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!! Then you'll feel better and by not knowing what it says you just won't care.
I know, I know. It's morbid curosity. It's like driving by a crash and not looking.
Just don't............
I can relate!
My skids have myspace accounts and I'm friends with them. Not only because I love them, but because I want to make sure there are no creeps harassing them and that they (SDs) aren't doing anything inappropriate. They happen to be friends with their BM on myspace too, and I've checked out her page on more than one occasion. Like you, I'm going to have to learn not to do this. The thing is, the stuff she posts is SO inappropriate for my SDs to read, and they often come to their father and myself to ask about it.
I just don't know what to do....
Ok I will do my best to
Ok I will do my best to stop, however how can she track me? I do not have a myspace so I just check her myspace from any computer, so I know she can see how many people check but it is not like she knows I am checking, and if she did, wont she put things like how happy she is, just to piss me off??
IF she has a tracker, a free
IF she has a tracker, a free one at least, it will have it somewhere on her page...like a link saying profilesnitch.com or whatever...unless she pays for one then it won't show it. If you don't have a myspace & she has a tracker, it will just show the IP address of the computer & the location (city/state).
The thing is, I doubt she is putting anything for your benefit at all. Because she probably isn't concerned about you, and probably doesn't even think about you like you do her. Kinda like I don't care what my exH & his GF are up to, what she looks like, or anything about her. I don't care about my ex or who he's with. She probably doesn't care about her ex or his wife either. But often women care about their current partner's former relationships...especially if that woman is still in their lives. Like if BM is a SM, she might care about her DH's ex-wife...its a vicious circle. Try to remind yourself that she doesn't care about anything to do with you and maybe that will help you to care less about anything to do with her! (Unless of course she wants your DH back...then that ALL goes out the window!)
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
tracker
This is the tracker for myspace or any website. http://www.mixmap.com/ You dont know that its there but everytime your computer hits the site she gets a print out on the id on your computer and can even pull up the address where it is located. You dont have to have a myspace page for it to show up. She could say that you are stalking her so dont go over there and give her amunition. She does not have any value in your life so close the case. Love those kds and take care of them because thats a full time job.
wow!
I didn't know these trackers were out there! I deleted mine after fh asked me to because she started harassing me, but i was still looking at her page because she always broadcasts exactly what she does. However, now I will no longer be looking, even though i dont think her brain would be able to put two and two together to get one of these things, especially since she use to stalk my page.
What if her account is
What if her account is private and you can only see the main page?
Then a tracker won't show
Then a tracker won't show you because you weren't able to actually go to her profile page. You're safe just looking at that one.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Well melis070179 just to let
Well melis070179 just to let you know she alway wants DH back, she feels I stole him from her and will stop at nothing to break us up. She does care about what I am doing, when I had a myspace she checked it every hour, and how do I know this,she brought the printed pages into court thinking they would help her case, if I wrote I love my family, she thought that would help her win custody. She asks everyone that graduated from my school if they know me, how do I know this, when I see them out they will ask me about the crazy lady. Also she has called my work and wrote letters trying to get me fired, she has called DSS on me and DH trying to get out foster daughter taken from us, so believe me she cares about what I am doing and hates the fact that I get to raise her son. I do not feel she wants to raise him, but she does NOT want me to be the Mom figure. So I am sure she is as crazy as I am, or more and that is why she printed out 30 pages of my myspace cover and that is why I do not have a myspace account anymore. Thank you all for your advice I will do my best to stop looking, and one more thing she tries to call my house and tell me she is having sex with my husband when he is sitting by me, she even tried that line in court. So what do you think?
Rosedeer1
We're not that different, you and I. My SS's BM has done a lot of the crazy things that your BM has done. She's done the "printing out of evidence" that was completely stupid when I had thousands of emails from her as real admissable evidence against her. She's called me or emailed me and said she had had sex with my BF while I was away or at work or that morning when he was gone on a service call. She had files on her computer for all of the websites that I visited and saved copies of any page where I posted something or my name was mentioned. She also had files for all of my friends on my contact lists which had the same type of information saved in them. (My BF has worked on her computer when it had problems before so we got to see all the crazy stuff she had saved on there.)
And I used to do the same thing that you are doing. It was like I was "stalking her back", so to speak. I was obsessed with her being obsessed with me. I checked every website that she had found me on every day to see if she had written anything new about me. I checked her Myspace to see what she said about me, or my BF, or about her life. I wanted to know what she was doing and where she was going because she always tries so hard to play the victim and get pity from everyone. Because she was stalking me, and I wanted to know what she had found out about me as soon as possible... She complains that she has no money and that BF is a deadbeat, yet she goes on trips and to concerts and cruises and buys new cellphones and laptops and blah blah blah.
It took me a while to realize that doing all of this only added to my stress level. I finally began to understand that when I went on vacation or away for the weekend, part of the reason it was so relaxing was because I was cut off from investigating BM. Part of the flood of stress coming back upon my arriving home was when I would sit down in front of the computer and "catch up" on all of the nasty horrible things she had done and said while I was away.
Finally BF said enough...he was so angry and said he felt like he was having a relationship with BM vicariously through me and if he wanted that he would have just stayed with her. I realized that he was right and tried my best to stop checking up on her. I do still check BM's Myspace from time to time, but it's like every month or two now as opposed to once or twice a day.
I don't think you're crazy. Much to the contrary - I identify with you completely. It's actually a common behavior among stalking victims, as I found out when I began to seek help as a stalking victim myself. One of the most important parts of gaining control is to stop this behavior on your part. You recognize that there is a problem which is a wonderful thing in helping you to make the decision to stop and begin to work very hard to change the habit of checking up on her.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Well, like I said, if she
Well, like I said, if she wants him back, that changes EVERYTHING! If thats the case, I am sure she will write whatever she thinks you don't want to hear just in case you're looking at her page. Or she might not realize you look at it and actually puts the truth (hopefully its that) But now I understand why you're always so concerned about her. You're probably constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, and don't want to be blindsided by her next move. I don't blame you there. Its better to stay one step a head, but at the same time its making you miserable. You have to try to find a balance
I see why you want her to be miserable, because she makes you miserable. You obviously can't stand this woman. But try to stop yourself from thinking about her and checking her page, at least every once in awhile. Try to find fun things to do, instead of things that make you miserable (thinking about her)!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
private
Private or public does not matter because a hit is a hit on the page. You add the invisible link in the name and no one knows that its there.
Sorry to Contradict
I hate to contradict what people are saying, but from what I know about Myspace trackers is they can only tell who you are if you have one. Trackers are spyware (you know that really bad virus spreading stuff you don't want on your computer). In fact anyone who uses them could have their profile deleted since those trackers are the main cause of viruses on myspace. And let’s say there is a really great tracker all it can do is say your computers IP address. I know most people don't know what that is or how to trace it to someone. I am pretty sure to trace it to you this lady has to be computer hacker of the year lol. So don't worry about her seeing.
However, I do agree that you should stop going on there. But believe me I know how hard that is! I have a hard time staying off BM's myspace and blog. The BM and I play games with each other using myspace as the playing field. The game goes I write about being happy and put family photos up, while she writes about being happy and keeps the same picture that I took of SD3 and FH on her profile. It makes me mad that she is pretending she was there for my family moment. Anyways, it is not that I want to know anything about her life it is just that it entertains me how happy she pretends to be to the world. We can always tell when BM is actually happy because she leaves us alone. But lately she has gone back to her crazy ways. But yet she tells everyone how happy she is lol. Ok I get it, I need to get over it and stop thinking about her. I need to put my family first!
You know what, let’s make a pact. Let’s try to go at least a week without looking at the BM's myspace and see if that makes a difference in our own lives. We can do this together rather than alone. And once we have gone a week, we will realize how dumb it was to check it in the first place! We don't need to read the BM's lies we hear enough of them in person. We don't need to see pictures of her pretending to be a mother when we know that our step kids view us as their mothers! We don't need to play into the BS!
I have the greatest SD, in fact I never call her SD because I have known her more than 3/4ths of her life, and I spend more time with her that BM ever did. So I don't care what photos of SD she puts up, the fact of the matter is that SD is growing up in my house, being taken care of by me and FH, and she is MY DAUGHTER!
rosedeer
I do understand where you are coming from. I used to look at BM's myspace regularly..and when she would put things like "lonely, sad.."etc..I'd be happy...because of what she had put FH and I thru(she did everything to try to trap him to get him back..he never fell for any of it)..I was so angry at her. I was happy that she should now be lonely and sad..served her right..when I saw that she was happy and in love I was mad..thinking she doesn't deserve to be happy since she tried to break FH and I up..my FH finally asked me "what do you care what is going on with her, you care more than me" and I realized he was right..so I deleted the link to her profile. I can still find it, no problem..but I don't want to do that..and I choose not to.
As for trackers..I have one on myspace..it only tells me who the person is if they have the same tracker as me..but I can also figure out who some people are by the time on my tracker and the time they leave me a comment or message on myspace.
"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"
Yes, I have a tracker too
Yes, I have a tracker too and it works the same as yours. BM emailed me once and I was able to go to my tracker & "tag" that IP address as hers, so now I can see when she goes to my page (when she first found out I had it she would go to it everyday, sometimes multiple times a day) and I have bumper stickers on it saying things like "damn right I'm better than his ex", one that says "he loves me, he loves you not", "I think all exes should die when we're done with them" etc etc...she would look at my page & then her mood would show "irritated" or "annoyed" and it would make me laugh. I still have them up, for my MIL's benefit (LOL) but my page is private now so she can't see it. My MIL however checks my page everyday & it drives me nuts! I wish I could delete her as a friend LOL
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Well thank you all for your
Well thank you all for your kind works, this advice was great. I agree that I need to stop checking her myspace but am glad to hear I am not alone and not crazy. I agree with all of you, I do not think it is fair for her to be happy after all she has done to me. So Kaffonseca I know how you feel and I am with you I care more about her than my DH he can not stand to talk about her. Nymh thank you soooo much for your kind words, it feels great not to be alone, I feel that I can stop this myspace issues and thinking about her, now that I now it is natural, and that I am not crazy. I hate feeling this way and I know I have a problem and I will do my best not to check her myspace, it is just so easy and habit forming. Also I agree with you two about the trackers I heard they only work if you have one also and you need to have a myspace account also!!! So lets keep in touch and hope we all come out on top!!! I am going to have a glass of wine for all of you!!!
Melis, thank you and I am
Melis, thank you and I am glad I explained it better. You are right I know I need to get over this and I think this site is the way to do it, thank you soooo much!!!!