Had a bit of a tiff with my wife last night. She made a financial investment without discussing it with me.
This is not specifically a Sparent or Blended family issue but I was curious to hear other perspectives.
The decision was sound. The problem is that she did it without discussing it with me first.
All of our assets are joint and we have always collaborated on those decisions. All in all it was not a huge deal other than she got angry with me when I expressed shock that she had made the decision without calling me to discuss it.
Her perspective was that I did not trust her to make the decision. Which is entirely false BTW. I trust her analytical and decision making abilities implicitly. What I took issue with was not informing me either before she did it or in not reviewing it with me that evening before the paperwork showed up to be signed.
It was an "Oh, by the way, I made and investment, here sign this" thing for me.
My perspective is that trust is knowing that your partner will inform you of all things that will impact you and the family in a timely manner.
We reviewed the investment and worked the issue out to both of our satisfactions (at least I think we did). I signed the papers. As I have already said, her analysis and decision making is impeccable.
She/we agreed that in the future we will both notify the other of any financial opportunities and decisions before any moves are made.
So, we both went to bed happy (at least she said she was happy).
Any thoughts on this one as far as other ways to have handled it?
Best regards
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If your accounts are joint
Then I agree you have every right to know about any investment/purchase she is making. Now, if it was a decision on which cereal to buy, obviously a consult is not necessary, lol.
I think it could have blown up way worse than you explained. It sounds like for the most part you and DW are good communicators.
DH's ex used to buy major things without him knowing. Cars, a mobile home (still not sure why - they had a place to live), etc. etc. She is a spur of the moment spender and if she has a dime in her pocket it gets spent immediately. This is why she has nothing to her name except some clothing.
You mean you buy cereal without consulting your spouse?
I demand to be involved in cereal decisions and retain veto rights on any cereal decision!
Just joking of course.
We usually do communicate pretty well and rarely go to bed angry. There have been very few times in our relationship (more than 15yrs) that either of us has stayed hurt or upset for more than a few hours.
Thanks for the feed back.
Best regards,
Absolutely
With joint assets-I would feel obligated to tell my DH, but that is just me. If the shoe was on the other foot I would want to know.
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
Hey Rags
I think you did the right thing, especially in light of the state of the economy these days. Yes, she should have consulted you first before committing any of your joint financial resources in this investment. Any decision that has the potential of making a significant impact on your finances should be discussed beforehand...not just right before the papers arrive to be signed. In my opinion that's kind of sneaky.
Question for you Rags
I think in your case, you seem to have a wonderful relationship with your DW. She is a lucky gal. Of course you trust her financial decisions, but in the end, it is still your money together. If you are horrible at finances, and completely agreeable to be hands off, I can see where she wouldn't feel like she should have to consult you. But that has to be something that is decided beforehand. In my situation, I handle all finances. I do consult with FH, just to let him know. I send him a budget break down every week. I account for every penny spent. But he trusts me implicitly to handle our money, and I do a great job at it. He is financially irresponsible. If FH came home and told me that, I would flip out. If I did that, he would say okay, where do I sign.
Anyway, here is my question for you. Or, actually, for your wife. Or anyone that would know. Any CPA's or tax professionals. I have my 401k. When FH gets out, we're leaving this state. I plan on cashing out my 401k when we move to pay off all our debt. I know, I know. I shouldn't, but it makes sense FOR ME to do this. This will pay off our bills, and I can go to school w/o worrying about bills and such. Plus, when I get my BSN, I can start really putting money away. Anyway, right now, if I was to quit and cash it out, I will be taxed 35%. 25% of it is state and federal tax. The other 10% ia an early withdrawal penalty. If we move to a state that does not have state tax, and I wait to cash out my 401k, will I still get charged state tax, since the income was accrued in a state that does tax?
Your plans 2bloved
do not take full advantage of school grants, loans and tax credits or scholorships. You should not cash in your 401K before its time unless your dying. I mean actually dying.
No offense but your plan is horrible, you need to see a good investment planner.
as well as ask why you need a BSN, in my area bsn pay is only about 30 cents an hour more than ADN pay.
not worth the extra work and cost of the degree, more so in a bad economic time.
depends
Depends on how much money was involved. Every family has a limit that one spouse can spend without being questioned. Since I dont know how much money was involved I cant accurately answer the question.
I agree, it depends on how
I agree, it depends on how much money was involved. I see where you're coming from, but at the same time, maybe after 15 years and her knowing she's fully capable and it was a sound decision, she didn't think you would disagree, which apparently you didn't, so she didn't see it as a big deal? Maybe if she thought it was questionable or unsure of how you'd feel about t, she would have came to you first? Just trying to see it from her side...
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
it
It cuts both ways, if its a lot of money I can see why you want to know. On the other hand, the lady is a CPA so she is more than capable of making sound decisions and this is good training for her. If something happened to you in a NY minute she would be on her own making decisions without your guiding hand so she needs practice doing it.
depends
All of our assets are joint... you say
I guess it depends upon things like how long you have been married and who came with what. Also depends upon what the investment was ( 401K or IRA, stocks, bonds, muni's, real estate ?)
and how much money is at risk.
I make investments all the time ( at least 6 x a year )
with 75K to 90K amounts, sometimes risky ( not as often risky anymore as in the past, but sometimes still risky) as that is something I have been doing
before I married, with my money.
I do not ask my husbands permission, and only once we discussed it, he offered a suggestion that failed miserably
but thats ok, I should not have listened and don't anymore.
He has asked me now to stop making investments or keep them as low as possible ( low return on investment income)
due to Obama so we don't go into a higher tax bracket.
so... I am not making as many investments and just riding it out.... until Obama goes away or we retire, whichever comes first.
so it depends on your situation, your income, whose money is buying the investments, depends on the specifics.
Example: is she an experienced realtor who came upon a great R.E. deal unexpectly?
or someone who just had a whim about a good stock ?
The year before I met DH, I made over 150K profit on my investments, plus my jobs income ( almost 250K for the year)
Now... since I married,
I have had to make changes ( not working, makes us be in too high a tax bracket) but if I were to decide to buy an investment
husband wouldn't stop me. I might not even mention it to him.
Not sure he even knows what I have or cares.
He has his own job and money and investments ( mostly 401K for him).
We all must live on the "left" side of the investment world now... and we are not even democrats. ugh.
don't retire?
Thats what our goal is, will be retiring with a full pension and health insurance in a few years.
I can hardly wait to retire and get away from the big city we live in and all its people, noise, crime, pollution. Have a timer set on my computer, countdown clock as to the exact time, down to the seconds
I agree with you
BF and my accounts are seperate but we still inform each other of investment decisions and get each other's feedback. I think that's an important part of a relationship. I am 100% with you on this one.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
Not much money actually, But it is the fact that she did not
contact me first. Yes, she is a CPA. But, we are both MBA's and have coordinated out investing in our 401K's, IRA's and in our joint accounts. This was a joint non retirement investment. She is the beneficiary on my IRA and 401K investments and I on hers.
When we married we had nothing but my undergrad degree and a condo that my Bro and I owned jointly. So nearly everything has been built together.
As I said, it was a sound decision though that was not my issue with it. I do not expect her to call me for permission but I do expect her to contact me proactively rather than after the fact.
We worked it out and are on the same page moving forward.
I can certainly understand situations where assets are blended after marriage and situations where they are kept separate.
Thanks everyone for your inputs. Keep em coming.
Best regards,
i think
all things being equal then you had a right to be somewhat miffed.
I control our money (he is not as money savy as me) and I do bring more to the table, however I respect him enough to go to him with any investment decisions or changes, although not cereal options oh I do love my cereal..
I think it is great you worked it out!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
Chiming in late, Rags
I think part of the reason you were upset is because the two of you are such good communicators, yet you seemed to feel as if you were "blindsided" by this investment she prepared. I can see how you must have felt a little shocked and surprised (and maybe even a little hurt, too).
My DH and I discuss ALL things financial and because he is a law partner at a large firm, there are huge financial decisions to be made on a frequent basis that I must be privy to and add my signature to. We discuss them all at length before coming to any decisions, even though he is much more savvy than I am in those areas.
But STILL I'd be with with you in feeling a little bit "irked" if he came to me with papers fully prepared, slipping them in front of me, saying, "Here, I need you to sign these." Even though I KNOW he'd make the best financially sound decisions, I can empathize with exactly how you must have felt.
But in true "Rags" fashion, I'm glad to see you cleared the air with your lovely bride and went to sleep with things made right between you.
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"