I got alot off of my chest here yesterday, and I think that helped me to calm down last night when I had the "come to Jesus" talk with SD18. I told DH beforehand that he'd better support me in whatever I would say to SD that night and he said he was on board. I was calm, but explained to SD 18 that she moved back into our house with no intention of going back to school (she never registered for the January session) and hid that from us. I said that our expectations are that she either went to school full time or worked full time (she wanted to drop out of school and work 2 days a week).

SD thought she was clever when she said that school already started so it's too late to go back, and that she can only get 2 days a week at her current PT job. SD18 soon learned that the buck stopped here. I said that our expectations are clearly laid out before she moved in 2 days ago. If she wants to work, it needs to be for 40 hours a week - she can go work at a fast food place if she has to (she would sooner die than do that). She will have to start paying us rent beginning next week. We probably talked for about 1/2 an hour - she tried every angle and turned on the waterworks - at one point she said she wanted to take her time and volunteer!! I told her that she can volunteer on the weekends - that unless she is Paris Hilton, volunteering does not take the place of working and earning money.

I told her that the decision of what to do was hers, that she's an adult and can do anything that she wants - but in this house, there are only 2 choices (school or full time work), otherwise she can move elsewhere. It's up to her.

By the end, I think we made work sound so unpleasant that she agreed that she/we would look into going back to school, missing only the first 3 days (which shouldn't be an issue). Hopefully all of this will be figured out by tonight.

DH was good in the conversation, but I wish he could do this on his own - too many years of being pushed around by the wife and kids, I guess. I'm not used to this confrontation thing (I don't have kids of my own) - I was so emotionally drained (but hid this from SD18) that afterwards, I poured myself and nice fat glass of wine and sat in a hot bubblebath with candles and went to bed......

thanks again for all of your advice