When your kid forbids you from living in your hometown.
We had a nice telephone visit/catch-up with the SKid a few days ago. We covered a ton of topics in a casual banter filled conversation of nearly 2hrs.
We talked about just about everything. One thing that he touched on briefly was that he did not want his mom and me to ever move to SpermLand and if something happened to me he would not let his mom go back even to live near her own family. This was his position entirely and not at my behest. Though I completely agree with him.
After that talk DW and I discussed him (he sounded great), and she mentioned that this was not the first time he had told her she could not ever move back to her home town or even the State. He has told her that she is always drained by visits there and he wants her happy, vibrant, and engaged in her life and not getting sucked into the drama of her family. He is so past the SpermClan that his concern is not them, his concern is his mom's family.
He is right, Those visits are always a double edged sword for my bride. She is excited to visit her family and her friends. She always comes home from those visits having to go through recovery and detox from the emotional burden she takes on with them. Not so much her friends. That part of her visits is always positive.
I don't dwell much on our age difference or that I will invariably check out quite a bit before she does. But I am happy and comforted that my family adores my bride and our son will be there for her nearly her entire life. Much like my own parents have been and still are for me and me for them. Even they say that the three of us grew up together. They married at 17 & 19 and had me at 19 & 21. It is looking pretty good that we will have each other until I am 70 and longer I hope. DW had SS at 16. It warms my heart that he is a good man and that he and his mom will likely be Sr. citizens together.
I fully intend to bug the crap out of them from the ectoplasm.
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We have a friend who grew up
We have a friend who grew up in WVA. He is in his 70's.. and I think it was almost a relief for him when his mom told him she sold the family farm .. but would be able to live her days out there.. and when she passed.. the obligation to go back was over.
He enjoyed the visits earlier on.. but over the years.. the hard life.. the crap economy there.. the increase in substance abuse issues in the region.. it just became a place he didn't want to go.. it was no longer his home really.. even good friends.. he say had really become people he could no longer respect or connect with.
To an extent.. you just can't go back.. your old "home" will never be the home it was when you lived it originally.
I Get It
I could never go back to live in the town I grew up in. Small, southern town with zero work, drug issues, rampant crime and just an over all attitude of division (races and classes). I had to grow up in that mess and was from the "wrong" side of the tracks. Thankfully, I pulled myself up out of poverty with the help of some wonderful humand who helped me along the way. When I would go home to see my mom (since passed), it was always so depressing. She stayed in the old neighborhood until the last few years of her life...I was thrilled when we got her out of there.
So, I get it...no going back for me, either. And my kids feel the same.