Okay, so I've been lurking around for a while now trying to see if there is anything written here that will help me along the way with my relationship with my DW and Skids. Well after looking at so many blogs, I have come to the realization that we all have one common thread that begs the following question..........

WHY DO WE ACT LIKE THE EX'S BOOBOO DON'T STINK? WHY DO WE GIVE THE EX SO MUCH POWER OVER OUR EMOTIONS????

Okay, let me paint this picture for you. You meet the person of your dreams and you think things could not be better. Just the mere sight of them makes your heart, as well as other body parts, flutter. Well once you all start to become seriously close and start to consider marriage and share your lives together, you are forced to face the fact there is someone who your s/o previously made a promise to share their life with (or at least a bed and some bodily fluids) and as a result, a child/children were skeeted out.

So what do you decide to do? Do you go ahead and say "meep meep" and run for the hills like the road runner? Or do you decide to stick it out and make it work? Well of course, you chose the latter. Why else would you be on this website, right? So you are so gung-ho about making things work. You are so positive and have such high expectations about how you know you and the ex can co-exist. But something strange happens to you when you see them or hear their voice:

NERVOUS TWITCH, EYES OF FIRE, COLD SWEATS, SWALLOWING YOUR OWN TONGUE, STOMACH TURNS, FOAMING OF THE MOUTH, ETC.....

So I ask WHY WHY WHY???? Why do we allow for this person to affect our emotions in such a way? Why is that just the mere presence of this person makes us start wiggin' out like a beligerant crackhead? Why do we give them SO MUCH POWER????

Look y'all, at some point we have to realize that these people are as flawed as the next person. We also have to get out of that place of insecurity where we feel like this person has had something (our s/o) that we now have and that gives them the undeniable "1st spot". I have news for you all. That "1st spot" was vacated in some way shape or form and now you are residing in that spot. So you should have the security of knowing that you are the Top Dawg! No one else! You are ROYALTY now. You've gotten a promotion and that ex got a demotion!

Now I know that the Skids will sit there and put that person on a dangon pedestal. I know that the Skids will sit there and make you feel like you are a distant second behind their beloved parent.
But let's be honest here. The Skids are IGNORANT! They are children and all kids are IGNORANT! When I say "ignorant" I mean that they don't know the 1/2 of the 1/2 regarding what the real story is. They are ignorant because they have been shielded from much of the BS that their beloved parent has done. That's why they think their beloved parent's booboo smells like lavender!

But you and your s/o know the real story. So take pride in the fact that this person cannot and will not have an effect on your hapiness and peace of mind. They can only have as much power as you are willing to give them. Trust me, I know it's hard. I still have to remind myself of this each and every day. It's hard to not get pissed off when I see my DW's ex getting a pass on being unreliable or being allowed to act a monkey. But when I don't want to do just ONE THING, I get made out to be the most evil person in the world. It's easy to sit there and be like "Why is it that I'm held to a different standard than their father?? Why is it that he can basically act a fool and still be revered and I have to fight and claw for acceptance each and every day?"

But what I have to keep telling myself is that none of that matters! It's not about him. It's about ME! I am the husband. I am the one who puts in the DAILY work to make sure these kids are taken care of. I am the one who is taking care of my wife day in and day out. No one else! Yeah, this dude was in this spot back then, but I am in the spot NOW! I am the one who is sittin' on this throne. So why in the world am I over here actin' like a peasant instead of actin' like the KING that I am? I had to realize that I'm steering this train and it has already left the station. The Skids have a choice of either enjoyin' the ride or gettin' thrown out while it's still moving! (tuck and roll! tuck and roll!!) How they react to me cannot be of any consequence to me. It's my responsibility to put my best foot forward as a husband and step-father. How they react to it won't change what I have a responsibility to do.

Now let me tell you one of the lame strategies that an ex will use when they are around you. He/she will act like the life of the party (just shakin' hands & kissin' babies)! He/she will try to get under your skin just because there is a sense of jealousy there because you are in the spot that they once had. But you know the old sayin, "It ain't where you from, it's where you're at!". So the past is null and void. Don't allow for that person to get inside of your head and make you feel insecure. When you see them actin' like they are runnin' for Prez of the U.S., then you need to have a quiet confidence and swagger about you that shows that you are secure in your spot and you don't have to cause a scene or create fireworks to affirm your position.

So please remember that you all are QUEENS! You all are the ones on that throne! That ex cannot do anything to you unless you ALLOW it to happen. So the next time you see that ex or hear her voice, don't start to feel queezy. Don't start to feel angry. Pick your head up and push your shoulders back and take pride in the fact that you are the TOP DAWG! You are the one who is runnin' thangs now and that ex cannot change that.

That booboo STINKS!!! Trust me!!!!