Has she ever introduced you as Stepfather before? Who is she introducing you to? Have you told her to refer to you only as Stepdad when introducing you to others, and she's ignoring it?

Teenagers, atleast the ones I've encountered, don't like to show "affection" to their parents in front of others. It makes them uncomfortable, and it makes them feel like they'll be viewed as being "uncool". Calling you her Stepdad could be a form of affection/endearment to her.

I would lean more towards this than a blatant form of disrespect...but, I don't have all the details here.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WF_10F7eYRE
Madea gives relationship advice

"Then my daughter was born and that COMPLETELY changed the game. Now I have someone who I will die for and she knows that I'm the beginning and the ending when it comes to being her Daddy."

This likely has something to do with SD's attitude towards you. She may be feeling jealous and displaced, and afraid that you don't love her anymore now that you have your "own" child. Disengaging at this point may just reinforce this feeling and push her farther away from you.

I suggest you employ a little more reassurance and patience with her. She'll come around once she realizes you can love everyone at the same time.

I agree with most posts here, I would say a definate part of this is the age 16. I think if you just keep on doing what you are doing and ignore that part, she will probably eventually stop saying that, might be years though. If you react, she will probably never stop saying it. I have always been known as "dad's wife". And I always will be, I'm sure. It doesn't bother me a bit, I don't want to be a stepmother. They are all evil you know.

I don't agree with retaliating to a teenager by demoting her to your "wife's kid". In this case, I don't think you should change anything. Keep doing for her what you would have done otherwise. How you handle this could really affect how she feels about herself. There's a new baby in the house, which is already likely making her feel displaced and devalued in your eyes. And, regardless of what she calls you, it's almost guaranteed that she cares about how you feel about her. I think her calling you "my mother's husband" is a way to get back at you for her perception that you love your biological daughter more. If you back off now, that will only reinforce these feelings. And her anger with you will build. Then you'll be in for a world of trouble with her behaviour.

Just keep loving her and being her parent. Reassure her that you still love her with your actions towards her and this will blow over. Retaliate and you'll be in a war you can't win.

Just to throw 'my' comment in;

I am nothing but a mere ghost now to ss5 who calls me by first name always. I really tried to get him to atleast "like" me. I am a mom already so the mom name thing was no biggie. (even though it is rude to call an adult by first name in my opinion.)

Totally have disengaged from all of this pain. Let it go and throw it to the 'winds' My advice.

To the day I am still only, "Daddy's friend." (ouch)

Best,
MWC

Ok MikeBrady,
I am SM to two SD's 17 & 19. I have been their full time mom since they were 8&11. I have run them here and there, I have supported them, financially, emotionally, spritually, etc..

And let me tell you, if this is your only issue w/SD you are very fortunate. I would let it pass, as it is an age thing. I get called anything from "Prayerhelps" "SM" "my DH's wife" to the one that really goes for the punch when upset and talking to DH---"Your wife." Forget that I was the one that explained sex, tampons, boys, make-up, etc..." now I am just their DH wife. It really is just a way to push buttons a lot of the time. Sometimes it is a reflection what their BM has been telling them that week.

Their teenagers, they don't know who they are yet, so how can they really know who you are???!!! Once they figure who they are, they will know better what to call you to others---Shoot, the 17yo has gone thru 3 different name changes for herself, trying to figure out what fits.

I definitely wouldn't take so personal. As long as they continue to be respectful to you (and even then they are gonna lost it as they test those boundaries) about it, just go with the flow. The next time it might be some weird name, like my 2nd dad, my SD, my wannabe dad, whatever. They know in the end that you have been there for them

A funny story along those lines happened to me at my SS6’s first day of kindergarten… it was the first function that all of us had to participate in openly as a group (kids, BF, BM and StepM). We’re talking full on meet & greet with the teacher all the students and their parents… I was terrified! The boys call me an abbreviated version of my first name (a cutesy thing they made up by themselves!) and while they know I’m their dad’s wife we’ve been careful to skirt around the term “Stepmom”… it just freaks me out! Thanks to those lovely Disney films I want to put on a black cape and scowl over my wart infested nose every time I think of myself with that label. *yuck*

So we’re at the meet & greet… milling around and talking to everyone… and SS6 is openly running up to me and DH and BM equally with excitement over everything, and finally his teacher comes up top me smiling and says, “Which child is yours..?” which still catches me off guard only one year into playing the parental roll… and I panicked and said, “Oh… I’m the… well… I’m with SS6’s parent over there…” and gestured to where I thought DH was standing. Well the teacher looks a little uncomfortable and says, “Oh… isn’t that nice!” and walks away. I thought , “Well the nerve… hasn’t she ever seen stepparents want to be involved in their skids lives before?” and as I’m getting all bent out of shape about it I tern to head off in my husbands direction and see it was BM that I was gesturing too!!! And she, not knowing why I was pointing to her, just smiled back at the teacher and waived her hand when I pointed at her! My gawd was my face red… we had a good laugh about it later but I still often wonder if the kindergarten teacher still thinks SS6 has “two mommies” instead of “two mommies” if you know what I’m saying! (and I don’t mean it’s a bad thing… it was just funny.)

Back to the topic though … I believe it’s her age. I was a total little shit to my wonderful stepdad when I was a teenager out of misplaced anger and frustrations. I’ll tell you this… the first time he openly referred to me as “his daughter” in public (this was when I was in my early 20’s and at his mothers funeral) I almost burst into grateful tears! No matter what… when you genuinely show a child the true love of a parent it leaks in… even through the tightest cracks. You’ll see… stick to those love guns and the two of you will be best friends in a few years… you sound like a real good guy!

My SS4 calls me 'JUST my step mom.' I am in the same boat as you doing everything for him but yet I am 'JUST' a step mom. Like I don't rank as high as a real mom...although my BD3 tells me I am the best mom ever.
I was like that at 16 though with my stepmom. I regret it now as I am in her shoes but i think a lot of it has to do with the age and the whole teenage attitude thing. Don't stress you keep doing what you gotta do and just as well as you always have been! She will realize eventually.

Don't take it personal. I have two daughters from a previous marriage who only refer to my husband by his name. just like you he takes care of them more than their BF. just continue doing what you have been doing for sk and in the end both of you will be thankful. Once she is through the difficult teenage years she will look back and realize just how much you were there and thank you for it.

My Son (SS) calls me ether "Dad" or "Mr. (Insert last name here)". That is the only choice he gets.

I call him my Son.

Though this is not a big deal for us. He has always called me "Dad(dy)". His Mom and I met when he was 15mos old and married before he turned 2yo. So ...... I have always been Dad.

I too provide 95% of the resources it takes to raise him. BioDad paid only $132/Mo for the first 9 years and $380/Mo for the past 7 years. When you factor in everything it takes to raise him including private school tuition or high end school district taxes, housing, transportation, food, clothing, vacation costs, extracurricular costs, contact lenses/glasses, medical insurance, Doc visits, medications, visitation travel expenses, entertainment, college campus visits, etc .............

That other guy does not contribute crap for his upbrining. So, I have my own version of what you are dealing with on that element of your post.

As I said at the begining. I don't give my Skid a choice on what to call me. He calls me either Dad or by my last name proceeded by Mr. That is it.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

I personally think we need to pick our battles with the Skids.. My SD has called me mom since the day I married her father.. Believe it or not that was the BM's suggestion... At 21 she recently text her father that I am no longer mom, and never will be again I am just (unhappy123.. And that was a slap in the face for me.. very hurtful...after 12 years of being a caring loving SM. But I realize that even at 21 she is still very immature, does that make it feel better? No, it still hurts... But at 16 step or not children can be hard.. If you make a big deal of this it will only fuel the flame IMO. I would continue at least at her age to do the things you have always done. Show her you love her and haven't abandoned her because you now have a BD. Backing off your relationship with her especially since she is only 16 will only in prove in her mind you really don't care... As Step parents as long as she is not calling you names, disrespecting you that way. I would give her a break, we all know what hormonal young girls can be like.

Good luck to you just my opinion!!

MikeBrady, I'm not sure if anyone one suggested it but I'd ask SD why the title change. It may not make a difference in what she calls you but at least you'll know why. Try not to take it too personal like other posters suggested. It's much easier said than done but you're dealing with a 16 teen girl afterall...lol