Hey folks,

First off, I appreciate all the PMs checking in with things here! I haven't blogged because I haven't had much to share in terms of "action". BM for the last 2.5 weeks or so has not called, or really even emailed, except a couple of short ones to SD, which asked a basic question, and that was about it. It's actually really really weird, to go from her nasty frequent calls during the week and sometimes practically tireless calling when SD is actually here to NOTHING. But we're not knocking it! We did hear from our lawyer that BM plans to show up in court, but we suspect this is just to be sure she is not slapped with a CS payment (we did not file for one). We have heard from her family members that she does not plan to fight it...

BMs calls have been replaced by calls from her family though, mostly her dad and stepmom, but these are very positive calls, both of them just love FH and me, and talk to US more than SD! we have already had dinner at their home and been invited to go on vacation with them this summer to their cottage, and on a trip to NYC this spring. They took SD for an overnight Friday/Sat this past weekend, and we received such a nice text from her grandfather, saying he has never seen SD so happy, and it makes him so happy to see her just glowing. We have been very open and honest with them about how we run our household, and grandfather said he was jealous, could he move in, LOL...

FH is doing very well too. I felt a decent amount of guilt at the outset, being unemployed, and with SD first home for 3 days before we could get her into school in our town, and then Feb school break, I was spending all day every day with SD, while he worked, sometimes 12 hours at a time, and I really felt he was getting so much less time with her than I did, it wasn't fair to him. But he's made it clear that he really wants to continue supporting the relationship that SD and I have, and thinks it is important that she have a strong, positive woman in her day to day life to counteract the damage BM has done over the years. He and I had some initial adjusting minor issues, one "fight" I guess you would call it, but it was more of an emotional exchange than anything else. Otherwise things have been very fluid, and I can see having SD with us has lightened his stress level considerably.

As for SD, she is definitely doing well. That's not to say everything is perfect; she slacked on her tasks last week, and her allowance got docked as a result. But this did not come in the heat of yelling, screaming or anything, just a simple conversation. B/c we have our "task board" this is no "but I did do it" argument, it's right there and has been the entire week. I have had to get on her about a few things, her room was getting messy at one point, so I went in and straightened up, hoping she'd take the hint. She didn't, and I had her dad talk to her the next day. The texting thing is obnoxious, and we do have to tell her "you're with your family right now, so quit it" but she does, and without complaint. I have seen some evidence of the damage BM has done, I was trying to talk to her about getting a book for one of her courses, and she got very defensive like, immediately. I calmly told her to slow down, I wasn't going to yell at her, I'm trying to help her, and it's okay, and she visibly relaxed and our conversation got much more pleasant.

We've been really dialing up the focus on the homework as of late. As some of you know, last fall when she was still with BM she was demoted to level 2 courses in two areas, and we found out about it after the fact. I know she can do the work in the level one classes with support, so across the boards FH and I have been all over the homework. FH works with her on science and math, and I do english and social studies with gentle reminding to practice her french. Even something as simple as talking over her assignments and LOOKING over them when she's done, finding areas she rushed through, missed answering some of the questions, spelling mistakes, grammatical errors, things like that. But I think what's making the biggest impression is just being involved. SD had math that she could not figure out last week, and since she didn't have a book, we had trouble helping her. But both FH and I were right there with her, encouraging her, looking online for tutorials, and basically supporting her. It ended up taking her 3 hours to do 6 problems, but she did it, and more than that, figured it out and was really proud of herself. BM, said at one point "well she never asks me for help with her homework." ummm, duh BM! She doesn't "ask" me either, I ask HER about it, and talk it through with her!

SD has been getting praise from her teachers, and comes home excited and happy that she volunteered this information in this class, or was able to contribute something else in another. She brought home her first grade yesterday, a 100 on a lab, and excitedly accepted my congratulatory hug for her achievement. It's really gratifying to see; most of BM's family beyond the grandparents reacted to the custody change with "well now SD will be able to get better grades" and as much as FH and I both agreed that was true, it's still a lot of pressure to put on a new situation, and it's kind of a relief to start seeing our efforts come to fruition.

SD has made some friends at her new school, and has gotten into the rhythm of it to some degree. I can already see some changes i want to make for her next year; she has far too many study halls, which I guess are the new warehouses for kids during times at school when they don't want to pay for actual programming. I didn't have a single study hall when I was in high school. SD likes art especially, so I want to see her in more art classes. They also do this weird "splitting classes" with lunch in the middle of it. That's really lousy, as far as I can tell. Maybe if she has to have a study hall, THAT can be the class that's split, a lunch in the middle of your academic class is ridiculous!

But that's for down the road. We expect court later this month, but it's our understanding it's just a formality. BM bagging up all of SD's things, down to the drapes on the windows, in garbage bags and leaving them on her stoop is really not the actions of a woman who wants her kid back, but I'll still breathe a sigh of relief when it's all said and done!

SO yeah, things here are pretty darn good! I even have two job interviews, one on Friday and another on Monday!