Well, the time has gone by pretty quickly, we're on week 12 of SD15 living with us, and it hasn't been easy. We just had court last week, and it's official though BM has yet to return all the CS from the last 3 months which she is court ordered to do. As I've mentioned, most of my problems have been with BF, and his lack of parenting her. To his credit, he has not interfered with MY parenting of her in any way, nor has SD given my any attitude or grief about the ways in which I have reigned her in. But I have become resentful of having to do all I do. I am not her parent, and yet I am literally calling all the shots with regard to her. I have to tell BF how to handle her, how to discipline, what she can and can't do, and to me, it's almost like having two kids. I have always said that I am happy to be a strong female role model, someone to guide her, someone to influence challenge and support her, but I did not want to be her mom. She has a mom, and she isn't a small child incapable of having a nuanced relationship.

So the strain on my relationship with BF is apparent. We have discussed splitting up. It is not just the parenting issues, but also his just lack of mature decision making, which is highlighted by the fact that he is a parent. It irks me greatly that I have to be the responsible adult/parent, I have no children of my own, yet somehow it's obvious to me what the right thing is to do and so mysterious to him.

I have talked to him about these things, and he says he will make changes. I have seen some, he took SD to the orthodontist one day this week, and then to dinner, which was nice and addressed one of his complaints about the situation, namely b/c I only work part time I am the one who spends the majority of the time with SD, and that, coupled with the fact that she's a young woman who enjoys doing girl things with me, shopping, crafts, etc. he feels left out. but instead of pushing forward with his relationship, trying harder, maximizing his time with her, he withdrew and basically pouted, leaving me even MORE the sole parent, which frustrated me greatly. So the fact he took her out is an improvement, and I hope to see more of that.

As far as SD goes, things are becoming comfortable, and not entirely in a good way. I have been very shocked at her lack of education and huge gaps in her knowledge about history, literature, biology and the arts. I am in no way a math geek at all, so I am not in any position to evaluate her knowledge in that area, but I suspect it is the same. SD is curious, and does ask questions, and listens to SM lecture on various points of critical history at length. Any time I find her unfamiliar with a concept I find important, she is sent on a fact finding mission and must return and explain it to me immediately. She is accepting of these directives, and actually finds them interesting, so I guess I'm good there.

the problem I am running into though, is that I believe we have given her too much freedom. She went from very rigid rules and limits at her mother's house, to pretty much the opposite here. She has rules and responsibilities, mainly to be a good student and a good citizen in our family, but after that, her time is her own, and that's where we've hit snags. Because IMing her friends and texting awaits her being done with her other responsibilities, she rushes through those things, with little attention to detail or meticulousness, to get back to her friends. I know some of this is teenager stuff, and it's probably completely normal, but it's not okay with me. Because I am so concerned with the quality of her education, I believe she needs to be more devoted to intellectual and academic curiosity. Hell, I would even be content if she spent her time reading fiction, in the hopes of improving her atrocious spelling and what I consider to be rather limited vocabulary through sheer exposure to words.

She is not a bad kid, she is just a careless one, and has terrible time management skills and does not make good use of her time. We have talked to her about this before, because she wants to do school activities in the fall, and we want her to, however we have told her that because it will be an additional imposition on her time, she needs to be able to show us she can keep up with what she has NOW efficiently before we will allow her to add anything else to the equation. She says she understands this, but things are still half assed at best, if remembered at all, and I find myself in the undesirable position of nagging her to do things, which I loathe. We agreed she does not get her allowance if her chores are not done, but if she doesn't take the trash out, someone still has to, and I end up reminding her, either that or doing it myself. Her clothes sit in the dryer for 3 days, I end up needing it so I fold them and leave them in a hamper on her bed.

So anyway, next week there will be a family meeting, and we will discuss in review what's working and what's not. I hope to go back to work soon, and that, timed with her summer break, is going to make things interesting. I came home once to find her outside with two of her friends (one was a boy) at least they were outside, but I knew of no such friends coming over (she says they just stopped by not announced, but given they text each other every time they sneeze, I find that hard to believe entirely). I'm worried about the lack of supervision in my absence....

Anyway, all in all, things with him, not so great, things with her, pretty good all things considered. BM has made no effort to see or contact SD in over 2 months (including responding to SD's emails to her) so I doubt we'll even hear from her again, at least until we send her a bill for 1/2 SD's medical care.

I know I'm lucky to have such an agreeable kid, but there's always room to improve.