My Stepmother.....My Angel

I'm 35 years old..... but I'll never forget the day I met my mom. I was given up for adoption.... my BM could not keep me, and was adopted by my father and his first wife. It became clear to me when I was about 4 , that she did not want me either.....my little sister was born, and her marrage with my father was breaking up. "Mother" took all her anger out on me, she was terribly abusive.... needless to say I went to go live with my father, then later so did my sister. Then my father met Nancy....my mom. She was young (17 years between her & I ) and was beautiful....not just on the outside. My life changed so much after that. Nancy & my father got married..."mother" had all but dissapeared, so that left Nancy with the responsibility of raising us girls...we needed a mom, and she was there!! She taught me so much, how to dress right, have manners, be respectful, I was 8 years old then so she had to "re-teach" alot of things to me.!! She was there for everything that mattered in my lifeI remember going through the transition in my little kid way: first I called her Nancy..., then "mommy-nancy...., then just "mom". She never pushed for anything, but I was drawn to her in a way that I had never been with "Mother". Mom always told me that "even though you did not grow under my heart, you have grown in it, and that's all that matters". She is so right: I know that today with my own children, and my two s.kids. I believe , by God's will, I was placed with my one and only mom. Two other people in the world could not do the job, he made sure I went in the right direction. To look at my mom & I now, you would never guess that we are not "blood-related", we look alike, and we like so many of the same things it baffles me!! I'm writing this because I truly believe that "we" stepmom's count for something.... no matter how close we get..... no matter how many times we have the rug pulled out from under us....we are making a positive difference in some young life....we are all someone's Angel.

Chel Bell's blog
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Thank you so much

for your comment. I have been struggling with should I be more involved or should I be less involved in skids life and demand that their BM woman up. Your comment brought tears to my eyes and touched my heart. Thank you so very much. Now it's not such a hard choice.

My kids biggest cheerleader

Great news

That is just the endorsement we are all hoping for - thanks for sharing.

Most Evil

"Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil

Tears in my eyes.. YOU are the angel

Thank you so much. I really needed this today. Yesterday I was once again ready to throw in the towel. My SD gave me so much attitude over something so stupid. I asked her to re-copy her Christmas/gift list into ink so I could copy it. She rolled her eyes and tsked me! I asked her if she would like it if I reacted to her that way and she glared at me, then smirked, then said smugly, "I really don't think I would care."

Part of it is teenager, part is the personality disorder. Right now BM is cool, buying her push up bras and letting her chat online for 12 hours at a time so in the black and white PD world I must be evil. In a note (she left in her jeans when I was doing laundry- I'm human and read it:)) she told a friend, "I probably won't be able to go to your house b/c of my stupid SM" not b/c her dad grounded her for getting in trouble at school, but b/c I'm the one here after school to inforce it. Recently we she was complaining about how much trouble she gets into here for our stupid reasons, while her mom thinks she's perfect and she never gets into trouble there. I tried to explain that her mom has a different standard for behavior/consequences and she yelled at me to stop putting down her mom (the BM who puts us down all the time, lies and says we're poor and she's rich, who says that we're freaks for consulting a counselor, that I'm fat and a bitch, who recently lied about being out of town for two weeks in order to not take her on her nights over there, the BM who drops her off so early at school that SD is getting in trouble rather than bringing her five minutes more down the street here so she can catch the bus, the list goes on and on.)

Well...last night I was ready to throw in the towel. I figure if she really doesn't care if I'm nice to her and walks all over me, then why should I put out the effort day in and day out?

Then I read your post today and I remember how SD wants to be a writer like me, is interested in photography like I am, joined drama club (I have a theatre degree) has no desire to be a nurse (though BM is insisting she become one like her) etc....unintentional actions so speak louder than eyes rolling...

Thank you so much for this post. It's the hope we all cling to, the expectation that it may ever come to be we must release...and just keep trying to love them unconditionally.

Peace, love, and red wine