SD7 - anger management/emotional intelligence
SD7 (8 soon) has always had periods of depression/sulking. She'll be sweet and fun for months and then go through a maudlin period for several weeks, and then it's back to normal. The older she gets, the more I see her lashing out in anger, mostly at her brother (9) but recently at me. She cannot stand to be corrected, even if done gently, although I will not sugarcoat true behavior issues (and here I have to add the proverbial "like her BM does"). She recently went on a tirade against me because I told her it was bad manners to quit a game as soon as she starts losing. She screams and hits her brother when she feels slighted by him, no matter how firm DH and I are that this behavior is not appropriate.
I think that SD needs assistance learning to manage her anger and developing emotional intelligence. Her BM is a very good mom, very attentive -- to the point of excess, which has been pointed out by counselors when SD was little. But BM is also, in my opinion, v. emotionally immature. I think SD has inherited this characteristic, and it spells big trouble for peace in our family as SD gets older. Whenever she feels bad, she immediately focuses on the fact that she misses her mom, and how it is hard to be the child of divorced parents. I think she gets a lot of the ideas that she is a victim from her mom, she uses a lot of vocabulary that a 7 year old wouldn't have.
It is hard to be a child of divorced parents, but it is also hard to be a child of parents who don't love or even like each other. I am a child of divorce and so is my husband, and so are a good number of kids at school. I want to validate and help her with her feelings, but not let her fall victim to this woe is me thing.
SD is otherwise a very bright, sweet and fun little girl.
Does anyone have any suggestions for resources, other than counseling? I have the book on emotional intelligence for children. We may ultimately do counseling, but I'd like to try to address our home structures before we try counseling. I bought her the American Girl book on feelings, and DH and I are thinking about instituting family meetings.
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We were having that issue
We were having that issue several months ago with SD11. She was hitting her little brother (BS6) and sister (BD12) whenever she felt like it. It all came to a head one day when I had finally had enough of the other two coming to me and DH not doing anything about it. I called a "family meeting" where I explained to her that hitting would not be tolerated for any reason. DH did back me up on this...I was shocked that he admitted princess was wrong....but he did. We had a time for everyone to air their grievances without the fear of being corrected or yelled at or anything else. This was only a time to get their true feelings off of their chest. Of course DH and I prodded to get the ball rolling but once the first one started it just flowed from there. At the end of it all and after all of the tears DH and I told them both "you two are sisters...and you don't have any other sisters except each other. You two will have each other when you don't have anyone else." With that the meeting was adjourned. We had a couple of issues after that but now we don't have issues like that at all. SD11 will hit BS6 but he hits her first and I have witnessed that. (I'm sure that it's not always as it appears...but I am prepared to deal with that.)
I guess what I'm trying to say is a family meeting couldn't hurt. It actually helped in our case.
Good luck and I certainly will pray for you because it's a hard situation to have.
Some people are like slinkies...not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs!