Update on Son's Surgery and... Adult SD
Hello everyone... My son had his cancer surgery on October 2nd, which lasted 10 hours, to give him a chance at a longer life. The cancer was malignant and the surgeons had to remove his bladder and colon, as well as some muscle tissue and scrape some cancer off his pelvic bone. They pretty much removed everything in his pelvic region. There was still some cancer left in his lymph nodes that the docs couldn't get to, so they inserted surgical staples in that area to attract chemo and radiation at a later date. Since this is a rare cancer with limited data available, the doctors will be contacting other cancer centers/doctors world-wide to find my DS the best treatment possible.
My son is home now and trying to deal with everything that's happened to him. He now has 2 stomas (bags) to eliminate since he no long has his bladder and colon. He's certainly not looking forward to the long battle ahead of him, which may not be a cure-all... He's been so brave - I'm so proud of him.
He's been unable to work since the beginning of July due to the pain of the cancer. Our family is putting on a Bowling Fundraiser this Friday, October 19th, to help with the astronomical doctor bills, supplies needed, and general living expenses. We've been blessed by all the love shown to us by family and friends.
From a mother's point of view, this has been so hard. I walked around for days looking and feeling haunted. I never left him for the entire week he was in the hospital... I slept in chairs, on benches, and finally the last 2 days on a sofa. The heartache I felt at my son being so hidiously cut-up with body parts removed was so intense and the exhaustion I felt was so extreme, that I've only been able to deal with it and get through it with my strong faith in God. He is glorious! My son is at least still with us.
Now news about the step-daughter. My husband has been in contact with her a few times. She "claims" she is going to school to get her GED, but seeing is believing. She told DH that she told her crack-addict BM that she's been in touch with her dad, and BM wanted our phone number. SD didn't give it to her, but claims as soon as she told her mom, her mom entered Rehab. My intuition is telling me that SD and BM may want their made-up fairy-tale version of being a family after 20 years. My DH says I shouldn't presume anything, and not to worry because nothing will come between us, but believe me... my senses are telling me to stay on high alert. I know both SD and BM, and they are true B*tches in the highest degree and I wouldn't put anything past them... especially wanting some of the happiness and good life that my family enjoys.
A few days ago my SD called... she's in the hospital. Apparently her friend brought her there because of extreme pain in her pelvic. Turns out she has a sexually transmitted disease that's gotten pretty bad. They are trying to treat her with antibiotics and if that doesn't work, they will try to drain/remove it with a needle. In my last blog I mentioned how she's been using men for money for years as a means of survival...as opposed to actually working and earning her money. And she's p*ssed that the whole famiy isn't running to the hospital to be by her side. Holy Moly what a piece of work this girl is!!! She turned our family upside-down in just the six days we've known her, and now she want's everthing tied up in a pretty package with a bow on top.
Now I need some help from you all...
Do any of you have any experience in raising funds for cancer patients? So far my family is doing the one fundraiser. Do you know of anyone/organizations that I could contact for financial help for my son? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
So as we all continue to fight the good fight... I wish you all well.
- MissChris50's blog
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Comments
Hello
In March of this year I lost my stepDAD to cancer, so I know part of your pain.. I am so sorry to hear about it, but also so thankful that your son is still with you today.
Fund Raiser: We did not have a fund raiser but a friend of ours put on a benenfit for him after the fact to help my mom out. If you can maybe put on a dance or something with a local band? Start talking, and you will be surprised how many people will be willing to help you. Tell them your story, the love & support will be there with you.
Tell your son, I am thinking of him and he has to be very brave, my stepdad also had a bag, they removed his bladder and his prostate, it took my stepdad awhile to get used to the bag, I think he was more worried about what everyone else was going to think.. Which we didn't care just as long as he was ok. He had two more years with us..
Thinking of you dear... Stay strong..
Happy
"live life to its fullest everyday"
Possible Help from GOVT. He
Possible Help from GOVT.
He could possibly qualify for SSI Disability & Medicaid. Most people initially get turned down. If that has happened, contact an attorney that specializes in SSI Cases, they will know if your son is eligible, despite being turned down. Believe it or not, I know of people who have serious physical problems, yet they were turned down, and could only get approved based on mental/nerve problems. United way might be willing to help, not sure about that. Check with the Housing Authority to see if he qualifies, for low cost housing, or assistance. Your local DSS may also be able to advise you of any programs that are in place in your area. I used to be a paramedic and several cancer patients we transported were able to receive help from all these organizations.
Fundraising
There are places that sell silicone inspirational bracelets , you can even get them personalized. Maybe you could set up a myspace page or website where people of the community could order the bracelets in support of your son. I would be glad to help you set up either. Here is a site that sells the bracelets cheap. http://tinyurl.com/2k8gle
Ok, business stuff outta the way:
Wow, as a Mother I can't imagine what you are feeling, I will include your son and family in my prayers. Now about the SD, she is grown correct, then I wouldn't worry about her at the moment. You have enough on your plate to deal with,without all the drama she is trying to add to the situation.
**How seldom we weigh our neighbors in the same balance as ourselves. ~Thomas à Kempis**
Unfailing Strength to Endure
I am nearly without words to express how amazed I am at your strength and courage...and your son's, too.
I would listen to your hubby and trust him that nothing will come between you two. He sounds like a gem and let him be strong for you at this time when you're feeling vulnerable. Try to focus on the important things: your health and well-being so you can help your son.
There is a prayer that was given to me that I read often during my mom's cancer and then with my husband's illness. It's long, but the words that have always gotten me through the really tough times are:
"...for God, who's very own you are, will either shield you from suffering or give you unfailing strength to endure it..."
As to the help with fund raising.
If you haven't already, go to www.cancer.org; it may not help with fundraising, but it offers plenty of support for both you and your son.
Also you might want to consider this site, www.uoaa.org for additional support regarding the colostomy and urostomy (I used it when hubby had one and it helped to understand the plethora of issues around a person living with them, everything from the products to use, to emotional support.)
I found this just now on the web: http://www.groundspring.org/learningcenter. Go to it and request the free handbook (it's downloaded to you) as a guide to organizing a fund raiser. I also googled "fund raising coordinator" and there's plenty of sites out there to choose from; adding your city or state might get you in touch with someone that can help you.
As to your SD. It's surprising her lifestyle hasn't put her into a more life threatening situation than an STD. I wonder if they tested her for HIV. If she follows her docs' advise, she'll recover just fine. And yes, selfish, immature people expect the world to stop spinning in order to meet their emotional needs...WHATEVER.
My prayers are with you.