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I must be on a rollercoaster

kathleen's picture

Submitted by kathleen on Sun, 09/23/2007 - 7:16am

Hello. Thanks for listening to me and for all your comments. Really, this is like an interactive diary and I love it. I just wanted to share that things got better so far. A glass of wine and an hour interacting on this site helped. I tried to change my attitude and be open to the step-kids, communicating with them on their level. I addressed the sharing of a bedroom in our new house issue and my step daughter was actually okay with it. Probably because she would have a loft above the shared bedroom which is big enough to fit a double/queen bed and a desk/chair. It would be private and dark and she likes it that way. She agreed that with the distance between her mom's house and ours, that they probably wouldn't come on Thursdays anymore and would go home Sunday on alternate weekends instead of Monday morning. So, 4 nights a month. My husband however is really firm that they should have their own rooms. They do, at their mom's house. I really didn't want to fight with him so I said we should get a mediator and discuss this then. Obviously we are both too entrenched in our position to have a reasonable conversation about it. He thinks my desire for a guest room is ludicrous and I think two rooms shut off from light or access 26 days a month is even more ludicrous. I think his real issue is that they won't find our house inviting enough if they don't have royal space. We might need a counselor instead of a mediator. I'll find someone.

I was sweet to the sk's but I really think they are quirky and odd. My ss is a whiner, always seeking attention, complaining, and one upping. He says he doesn't want to work or learn anything. If he stubbs his toe, to the emergency room we must go. I realize this is a cry out for help and attention but oh my....... It kind of makes my stomach turn watching my husband indulge him. My daughter is just two but I'm pretty set about not running to her when she falls and congratulating her for standing up and dusting herself off. Hopefully she won't act like my SS. And hopefully if we give him more attention he'll stop. My SD has given herself a new name. An androgynous name. Not sure what that is about. I think she is trying to change her identity. I am on the other hand going to try to stay neutral, open and accepting. It's 7am, everyone is sleeping. Let's hope I make it the whole day. Time for yoga. Bye

Comments

kathleen's picture

Submitted by kathleen on Sun, 09/23/2007 - 2:33pm

How quickly things change. Did I mention that my husband and I hardly fight? Well I feel like he hates me. It is really scaring me. His entire face looks different. Any talk about the kids sharing a room at our new house and he goes, well for lack of a better word, aggressive. There is so much venom there. What is the deal? They hardly come to our house anyway. Three times this month. Their room has a loft and is big and has huge closets. My daughter will be in a 9x10. We have no room for guests. Am I being selfish?

I think I need to make money. I want a retreat place to get away to and nice clothes. Any ideas for a home business so I don't have to leave my 2 year old? Help!!!!!!!!!!

Cruella's picture

Submitted by Cruella (not verified) on Sun, 09/23/2007 - 5:55pm

Your skids have their own bedrooms at BM's house. You are talking they are only visiting 4 nights out of the month. They don't live there fulltime like your child.

whoami's picture

Submitted by whoami on Sun, 09/23/2007 - 7:21pm

perhaps you want to make a compromise and tell DH and skids that the 'guest' room can be slept in by one of the skids (if they don't want to sleep in the same room)during their visit but that it will be decorated the way you wish and that it will be utilized as a guest room for overnite guests when the children are not there? then you can just deocrate the guest room in colors, etc that whatever child would want to sleep in there may like and that you too may like and find suitable for future guests. you can have them make some artwork and hang it on the wall in there? my guess is that dh wants his kids to feel like it's their home too and wants them to feel comfortable and doesn't want their feelings to be hurt that your child has her own room while they have to share. he's not looking at it in the logical way which is that the kids are hardly there and it's almost wasted space. i dunno just a suggestion.

kathleen's picture

Submitted by kathleen on Sun, 09/23/2007 - 7:59pm

You're right Whoami. The kids mom just moved into a new house. They love it. Their cousins live 5 houses down. They can ride their bikes to school. They are in heaven. My husband commented that he wants them to want to be at our house. I don't think the room is going to make that difference. At first I thought it was mediation that we needed, now I think it's counseling.

I'm still wondering about making money from home. Does anyone have ideas?

Kathleen

whoami's picture

Submitted by whoami on Mon, 09/24/2007 - 8:25pm

counseling is a great idea!make sure you find one who specializes in relationships, marriage, divorce, etc. we're doing it and we wouldn't have come this far if we didn't have our new 'friend'. sometimes we're just speaking different languages and need a translator. other times we just need a translator to assert or 'soften' each persons point of view.

as for making money from home, try catering/baking, event planning, staging. if you are crafty, sell things you make online. even make a website to market whatever it is. i also hear selling things on ebay can be lucrative if you do it right.

good luck