The system is the problem. It's archaic and desperately needs to be overhauled with new laws so that the TRUE best interests of the children are served without ruining either biological parent. It needs to make time with both parents as important as money. It also needs to be modernized and upgraded, adequately staffed to handle the ever growing number of split families and able to respond to emergencies in true emergency fashion... less than 24 hours, rather than three months. If we can get judges up out of bed in the middle of the night to sign a search warrant, then why can they not do the same when you have a child who has been kidnapped by a parent or to get a child out of a bad situation? But that alone won't really change things, because we all know from our own lives that no one can really understand how hard it is unless they've lived through it themselves. Thank God we have each other!

~ Anne ~

P.S. ENJOY THAT EMPTY NEST!

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission."
-Eleanor Roosevelt

My town has no liquor stores and no adult novelty stores. It has no good restaurants and the maximum legal hourly wage is $15/hr. Any business that has anything to do with adult entertainment will promptly be shut down. Why are all of these things true for my town? Because my town is run by a circle of old farts who have no idea what life is really like for the current generation of adults in this world. When people want to do something fun, they go to the next town who has an O'Charlie's or an Olive Garden or an Outback. Instead of giving the OK for these new restaurants to be built, they put stickers in the windows of local businesses. "Buy X-town" they say, encouraging people to stay in our town to buy things and have fun instead of ditching it for a town with more attractions. They don't understand that approving better restaurants would cause people to stay in our town instead of driving to the next one for a night out. They don't understand WHY the liquor store 45 minutes away has a discount for people that come from our town...because they get SO MANY on a daily basis. A liquor store here would make a killing, but they won't let them open one. They literally won't let people pay their employees more than $15/hr. Why? Because they're OLD. They don't understand that real people make more than that in other places - just not here.

My point is that the system is run by a bunch of bureaucratic geriatrics who have no concept of what really goes on in the world. My BF always says - if a change is necessary, it will take two generations passing by to make it happen. Because in two generations, all of the old people in the government will be replaced by the young people, and they know what's going on.

That may not necessarily be true, but I think it gets to the root of the problem. There are too many people who make these decisions and run these agencies who have NO grounds for understanding what we're going through. If the people who run my town could be so closed-minded and ignorant of what's going on around them, that doesn't stop on issues of civics or the workplace. That also includes issues of the home.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

NCP should have rights too!I have discussed just about everything with my mother since I married dh. My mother has heard the tears, fears, venting, anger, disappointment ect. and she has asked me several times" Honey, how are you going to do this until all of your's and dh children are raised?" My mother knows me, knows my strengths and weaknesses, knows what kind of shit my children and I were subjected to in my first marraige, and she has seen how the courts have handled everything thus far.My point is that there are those who do see first hand how the system lets down the children, and the parents who actually give a damn,( outside of the immediate parents and children in the stepfamilies) all for the sake of what is considered "POLITICAL CORRECTNESS".( and it angers them as much as us, they just do not know what to do to help make the changes) The truth of the matter is that the changes we want now may not ever be seen in our generation, but IT IS our generation that is finally making our voices heard..( I myself am involved in several organizations that are fighting legislature for the rights of Fathers.)Changes dont always happen with those who start the advocating of change, but if what I do or say makes a difference to my daughters, son's or my granchildrens lives then I am going to continue being heard...even by those who dont understand( because they have not experienced it) and to those who are aware, but just havent given a damn because it doesnt personally effect them! This forum is one of many great ways we are all making our voices heard,( as well as giving each other the support to make it through the battles)Keep up your own personal battles, as I know I WILL, our children, our DH's and are own futures are well worth it!

It truly does. It is archaic and puts the impetus on the folks trying to get the job done for the kids to pay for and fight the battle. The crazy one (BM, or Egg Donor in our case) has no culpability whatsoever. She has ignored everything the court has ever ordered, has failed to pay for daycare on multiple occasions, has skated past a wage garnishment for the umpteenth time now, declared bankruptcy on her attorney, and we're paying to go back to court AGAIN this summer. It's incredible how much the system lets them get away with because, as our attorney puts it, "No one wants to jail the mother of 3 children." Wow! They would jail DH in a flash if he wasn't paying his child support.

Despite the fact that the system is just flawed, it is our responsibility as well to stand up and fight for what's right. I do believe that our own complacent attitudes have cost us all dearly. I, too, want to make my voice heard over the BMs out there who feel entitled simply because they donated the egg.

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