Ok, so apparently last night BM got SD into a state over her homework due the next day that hadn't been completed over her 10-day vacation and over the fact that she put the "wrong water" into the fish bowl. I don't even know what that means, but they fought about it. Violently. SD actually hit and bit BM during this fight. This is not the SD that I know! She is sweet and gentle and loving. I've never known her to act like this!

I don't know what was going on in that apartment to get her to that level of insanity but I have a feeling that BM is in one of her manic episodes. When she's manic she often works SD into a terrible state, doing crazy things and staying up way to late and stressing her out and usually what happens is SD ends up calling her dad in hysterics and he brings her back down within 5-10 minutes on the phone. That didn't happen this time. This time, SD went to the window and tried to take the screen off, screaming "I'm going insane! I want to die!" I'm crying just thinking about how awful this must have been for her.

This morning, BM sent SD off to school without a word about the antics of last night. At lunch, SD went to the guidance counselor (THANK GOD) and told her everything and skipped all her afternoon classes to cry on the couch in her office. The counselor called BM to tell her, but guess what? No call to the father! Why the hell not is what I'd like to know! They call the insane parent who is bringing on the child's suicide attempts but not the healthy parent who can provide a safe haven! Dear God!

BM or SD was calling my fiance from their home phone when he was on the phone with me telling me all this, so he had to hang up and see what they wanted. I am so glad I can just sit and write all this down because otherwise I would drive myself crazy sitting here waiting for more news and wondering if SD is ok.

We HAVE GOT to get her out of this sick and damaging situation with BM. I think she is going off the deep end. And by "she" I mean BM, but also unfortunately SD...

So it was BM who called earlier, but SD kept getting on the other line to say things like "I'm going crazy! I'm mad! If you care about me at all, Daddy, you'll get your ass over here!" BM refused to let him come over; in fact, she bars him from even entering the lobby of her building, putting up the front that he's "dangerous" and "abusive" so he can't be trusted in her building. She makes him come pick SD up at the garage entrance of their building and makes him wait 15-30 minutes in a cold dark parking lot before she sends SD down to him. All part of her control tactics.

So, SD starts screaming "you better let Daddy come over!" over and over and BM actually GAVE IN. First time EVER. He has never seen the inside of their apartment. Now he's going over to help his poor child who is having a nervous breakdown at the age of 11. We had hoped it would be under happier circumstances, the day he would get to see where his daughter lives.

Apparently, SD's therapist is also on her way over to their apartment. I am so relieved to hear that SD will have help tonight! She will have her daddy and her doctor on her side to help her through this! She must feel so alone all the time, living with a bipolar loonie who drives her to insanity with nowhere to turn. Well, tonight she has somewhere to turn - thank goodness!

What judge can possibly in good conscience award a woman like this primary physical custody? This is SO WRONG!

Yes, I want so badly for him to bring her home where we can provide a safe haven for her and help her work through her emotional trauma and return her to her normal happy well-adjusted state.

How am I coping with the stress? By coming here! On a night like tonight when I am completely helpless to "fix" or "change" the situation, the only way I can deal is just by purging on this blog. I'm so glad steptalk exists because otherwise, I honestly don't know what I'd do right now. I really can't call any of my friends and burden them with this. I know I could call my mother because she's been a part of this all along, but I prefer not to worry her since I don't have all the information yet and I'd just be putting her in the same awful position I'm in right now. It's just the waiting game. So I wait. And I write. And it's therapeutic!

Oh and yes, I'm 12 weeks pregnant and I certainly need to keep my stress levels at a minimum for the baby's sake, so I'm trying to just remain calm.

Hopefully my fiance will call again soon with an update. I hope he'll have good news.

Well I did three loads of laundry last night just to keep busy as I waited for the phone call. It finally came just before midnight. My fiance was with SD, getting ready to read her to sleep at her apartment so we only spoke for a moment.

He said that BM, SD, SD's therapist and he spoke for hours in the lobby of the apartment building and the therapist urged them to take SD to the psych ward where she would be safe. Well, BM refused and refused. The only reason I can think of is because she knows that having her kid admitted to a psychiatric hospital is a sure way to lose custody. Why else wouldn't you want your daughter to be cared for by medical professionals when she so obviously needs it?! She is such a sick woman.

At one point, BM ran off and disappeared because she wasn't getting what she wanted and SD freaked out really bad and said she wasn't going to the hospital without her mommy and it got really ugly. They have such codependency issues. BM is CAUSING all this, yet SD can't have her out of her sight. My fiance even told her what I had said: that I would pack the baby into the car and come get them both at whatever time of night if they wanted. SD had been saying all night that she didn't feel safe in her mother's apartment, so he told her she would be safe with us. Poor SD can't be asked to "choose" between her parents though, because although she liked the idea at first, ultimately she said she didn't feel safe in ANY home. The best place for her is the hospital right now anyway so I don't blame her.

So they left it that since it had gotten so late, that they would wait and admit her in the morning. Well, BM didn't actually agree to it, but this is what my fiance and the therapist decided together. My fiance's phone is turned off this morning, so I assume they are either sleeping in after such exhausting emotional turmoil or they're already at the hospital.

I'll keep posting when I find out more. I don't know how I'll get any work done today. I have a big meeting in 5 minutes and I have to lead it. I'm a little distracted to say the least! I hope I'll get through it ok. I'm just so worried about SD.

Not only is BM refusing medical treatment for her daughter, but when she had that sit-down talk with my fiance last night, she said that she had talked to SD's therapist and let her know everything that had gone on the night before. Well, that didn't sit right with me, because I know that the therapist would have immediately notified my fiance that his daughter was suicidal. I urged him to call her and keep her informed because who knows what nonsense BM fed to her, and come to find out, BM said to the therapist that SD had had "a bad night" and had hit and bit her during a big blow-out fight and DID NOT MENTION their daughter trying to jump out the 4th story window. Once the therapist heard this, she headed straight for a house call at BM's place because she really feared for SD's safety.

Withholding this kind of information from her child's doctor is inexcusable. I don't think that any judge can think that this woman has her child's best interests at heart. She is going to lie, cheat and steal through all of this and try to blame us for SD's breakdown, but I think the evidence is all right there.

I don't know what to do for the moment. My fiance did call this morning, but of course it was DURING MY MEETING! He left a voicemail that SD had woken up and they were about to call the therapist and hopefully make their way to the hospital. As for trying for temporary custody given the emergency situation, I don't even know where to begin. Without having any contact with my fiance (his phone is off because he didn't have its charger last night and the battery is almost dead) I can't do much of anything, but I want to get the ball rolling NOW!

I'm assuming they're at the hospital and he's too busy taking care of SD to be able to call. Periodically, I try his cell in the off chance that it's been turned back on, but no luck. I know he will call me as soon as he is able, but the waiting is unbearable.

I've been trying the best I can to be productive at work and I just blew off some steam at the gym, but my mind is still just chock full of terrible thoughts at what must be going on over there. I just don't know what BM is capable of - anything? - and SD is so fragile right now. If BM completely loses it in her manic state, she could take SD right down with her.

I've looked into some local lawyers, so at least I feel like I've done something useful. Until I speak with my fiance though, my hands are tied.

Thanks for all the loving thoughts, prayers, support and advice! It means so much!

Here I've been worrying ALL DAY, wondering what the hell is going on, thinking SD was being admitted to the hospital, and my fiance just called and said that he's been with SD all day at her apartment (with BM I assume), SD's doing "fine", they're all going to grab dinner and then head over to the therapist's for SD's appointment. All casual, like they're going to hit the cinema together for a family film night!

WTF? You mean he's been by a phone all day and hasn't called me while I've been sick to death with worry over here? How could he keep me in the dark like that? No word for 7 bloody hours! Men!

So we only spoke for all of 30 seconds and BM and SD were within earshot, so he couldn't really say anything, but I have a thousand questions for him. Why didn't they take SD to the hospital upon her psychiatrist's recommendations?! Will they take her later or does BM still "refuse"? Have they just been enjoying a mini-vacation hanging out watching TV all day like a happy little "family unit" that BM continuously tries to re-create? Are they just acting like SD didn't try to end her life - twice?!

He needs to grow a spine, or some balls, or put his foot down, or do whatever anatomically correct thing it takes to take charge and get his daughter the help she needs and quit giving into BM! All this is speculation of course, because I have no idea what happened over there today, but judging by her past behavior, BM is hell bent on minimizing this so she won't lose custody and I believe that my fiance is allowing himself to be manipulated out of admitting SD to the psych ward. Let's just hope that the therapist will do the right thing.

I have this sinking feeling that SD "acted out" to get this very result: her parents together, all to herself, "like it used to be", all day and all night. She's been wanting her dad over there for ages because her mom is too much for her to handle. She has said to me point blank: "I love you and baby sister very much, but I just wish you didn't exist and my parents were together."

Well, she got her wish. For about 24 hours at least.

I feel selfish for being pissed - I mean, I should be worried about SD, right? So I'm glad to hear that you think that my anger is justified. It IS disrespectful to me, dammit!

And to answer your question, he stayed at their place last night. I have no idea of the "sleeping arrangements" since we have barely been able to speak since this whole ordeal began, but I will get the full scoop later.

So, here's a recap of the day. BM got SD and my fiance up at 7:30am to "discuss the situation" when they hadn't even gone to bed until 1:30am. Can someone say manic? SD had some breakfast and went back to bed on and off until noon and BM and my fiance tried during this time to have a conversation about what to do about helping SD through this situation. Tried to have a conversation about this, because all BM wanted to talk about was things like "when you left us" four years ago, or "why can't we just be friends", or "do you like me?" and my personal favorite, "SD is greatly distressed by you being with Caitlin." Blah blah blah. She is an expert at avoiding the subject at hand, placing the blame on others and making it all about her!

Well, my fiance insisted that they call the therapist to see about taking SD to the hospital. BM refused. They continued to talk. He finally called the therapist against her wishes and she ran off for an hour or so and finally came back. Anyway, the therapist just said if SD if fine, they can wait until their appointment that was already scheduled for that evening. And SD was fine because her Daddy was there to help her through the rough times.

So, once BM came back and calmed down they played Monopoly and watched Harry Potter all afternoon until it was time to go. Like a storybook happy family. What a fairy tale! In fact, SD tearfully admitted in the therapy session in front of both her parents and the therapist that today was "the perfect day". (Notice what I posted earlier about this?!) And the therapist quickly reminded her that it was a fantasy and that it had cost everyone A LOT. How many people had to suffer to create a falsified "perfect day"?

Poor SD just desperately wants both her parents and me to be civil to one another and to accept each other and get along and be friendly (which we want to, but BM is incapable of!) I think she thinks that the only way to draw everyone together is in a crisis, so she created one.

In the therapy session, BM finally agreed to work together (which I'll believe when I see!) but at least she is on record as agreeing. She has never agreed to this before. So it's a step. She has agreed to attending co-parenting classes and to meeting once a month to discuss SD's scheduling. All big steps in my book because she has consistently flat-out refused in the past.

The part that's missing is SD NOT LIVING THERE WITH THAT MADWOMAN ANYMORE! We will get all our ducks in a row and sue for custody when the time comes because this cannot go on any longer. She's suddenly all "cooperative" because she knows she could lose custody. Well, it's too late sweetheart. The damage is already done. Unfortunately, she doesn't see it that SHE is the one doing the damage and the damage is being done to HER DAUGHTER who she supposedly loves!

Oh and about last night, my fiance slept on the floor next to SD's bed, holding her hand. He read to her for hours until she could relax and fall asleep. She just really needed her Daddy because she just couldn't cope with her mom on her own anymore. He did successfully calm her down, so he did what he needed to do. I'm not worried about that.

I'm spent. I just wanted to update you guys since you've been with me all the way on this, but I'm afraid I'm just rambling now. Time for bed for me! More later...