Yes, we got married to ensure she had health benefits. Period. We married on a Sunday. I went to work on Monday. Enrolled them on my insurance and came home to his brother, sister in law and their kids eating our wedding cake topper.

Believe me...I know how it looks... it looks exactly how it is.

I am not really hurt. I am numb to feeling insignificant now. I just don't want to burn a vacation day and have to spend my wedding anniversary with my SD, regards or not if she is the reason we are married in the 1st place.

Vacation time for me is earned... I earn my time off. I am not given x days or weeks off per year. So my vacation time is important to me. Important that my vacation is relaxing for me, I earned it. I don't want to waste it and have to spend it doing something I don't want to do.... like going to an amusement park!

BM doesn't work by choice. Lives off CS and sucks the life out of her parents. She is always trying pawn the SD off on us during her custodial time. I don't want the SD to think I don't want her around, but we should stick to the CO or drop or reduce the CS in my opinion. I understand wanting to have time with his daughter when he is off on vacation but what about spending time with your wife? who may not want to be reminded once again that her marriage is about her SD!

We made the week vacation elections together at the beginning of the year, to be together for our anniversary week. We were going to have the weekend prior and the beginning of the week with our kids and us and time alone for just us at the end of the week through the weekend(our anniversary). Saturday - Wednesday, his custodial time as family time and Thursday - Saturday, non custodial time, as our time. I thought that was fair and still feel that is fair. In February I accepted a new position which I began in April. I couldn't take the entire week off in the new role, so I opted for the end of the week Thursday and Friday (our anniversary) and I also have the weekend.

He made mention a couple weeks ago that he was going to request that SD would just stay with us the entire week, since he is off. Honestly, I don't know if he has yet or not. All I know is that he said his mother requested that she take SD on vacation with that exact same week. He said no because he was on vacation that week as well. I said, well maybe ask your mother if you could join as well and go with your daughter and mother... and he said he didn't want to go away without me(I think he thought I might be angry about it). He knows there was not a chance on God's Green earth I would ever go away with his mother and his family. Never ever would I even consider it. However, he also knows I wouldn't expect him not to go just because I don't want to go. Anyway, that's when he said he was going to ask to keep her the entire week.... I just sighed because never ever am I ever considered or put 1st... not even on our anniversary.

I am not kept in the loop of many things. He keeps most conversations with his family and ex to himself and only tells me what I absolutely need to know... like when the schedule changes to accommodate his ex and SD will be with us. This directly effects me because he works W-Sunday and if she is with us on extra days it is my days off and he is at work. You know, built in babysitter type thing. Recently I have been fighting back, insisting that we keep to the schedule. I am not willing to accommodate BM's pathetic parenting because these are MY days off and she doesn't work. Taking extra days also effects my potential alone time with my bio kids.

In the end it doesn't matter what I say.. he is going to do whatever he wants to do anyway.

We have done counseling. He thinks he is trying. He wants to be a good day, but he is being a really shitty spouse.

The problem is me. I allowed it. I allowed it all to happen, primarily cause I felt badly for her, him... I am a fixer... but fixers always get overlooked and hurt in the end.

If she is there on our anniversary... I am not going to be.

He get her Sunday - Wednesday afternoon one week and Saturday - Wednesday the next week. She is with her BM every Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and the transfer day is Saturday morning on our weekend and Sunday evening on her weekends. This was done because DH works W-Sunday and his two days off are M/Tues. He gets her every M/Tues.

I have my kids 2-3 days M-F depending on my EX's schedule and every other weekend. The same weekend that DH has my SD.

We got married July 13th three years ago to ensure SD had health insurance. DH is a union employee. The union went on strike. The union employees were notified by the company that their benefits were going to be cancelled on July 30th. He was ordered by the court to maintain SD benefits. We already lived together for 2 years and did not co-mingle money. It was estimated to be a 6 month strike, it ended up being 7 months. We married to ensure she had health benefits once they were cancelled. I carried my own insurance and added him and my SD on July 14 to go into effect August 1st. However should he have opted for Cobra while on strike, would have been significantly more money. He also was required to maintain CS...so little to no income and CO requirements of healthcare and support along with bills... it made most prudent financial sense for us just to marry to ensure her health benefits.

I have thought about it... after everything that happened in the last few years I am not sure I would show up again.

I am not sure where I displayed desperate. I am not desperate. I was married for 8 years. Divorced for 8 years. Met my husband and told him from the beginning I didn't want to be married again. We lived together. I worked and carried the household. He worked but couldn't manage his finances well and still can't. I financed our lives and enabled his child to have something more than he and his ex ever offered her. Christmas presents, vacations, a home.. they never gave that to her and while she is difficult, she is still a child and deserving of goodness.

I know why I married him. Yes, I married him so his daughter had insurance. All the same, we were living together as couple, doing family things as a unit. Desperate, I think not. Devoted to a man and child I loved and definitely. Capable to see the prudent need to provide insurance something that I had to a child who needed it. Does that make me desperate, again I think not.

While our marriage per say may not be what fairytales are made of, don't think I was desperate for love. I had his love. I was the one who didn't want another marriage but knew it was in the best interest of my family, him and his daughter included. Specifically if he was unable to contribute to the life and home we were building together.

The reason I am angry is because I always give in, go above and beyond when no one else would or could. Does that make me desperate.. no, it make me caring and thoughtful. Maybe this is more about me, than about him.

I didn't want a marriage... but I have one, therefore it should be acknowledge and respected. Just as I acknowledged the situation he was in and respected him enough to provide for his child when he and her mother was unable and unwilling.

I am not really pissed.... I understand the limited amount of time he has to spend with his daughter. However the part that irritates me is that we also have a limited amount of time.

I feel you need to work at marriages to make them work. Overlooking this date, regardless of how it came about, tells me that he doesn't respect us enough to dedicate time to us.

I am not overly assertive. I used to find no need to be overly assertive but recently I have been voicing my opinion more frequently.

We have been together for 6 years. 3 living together and almost 3 married. The first 3 were interesting, new, fun and exciting ... but a challenge blending a families together. The marriage has changed the dynamic in which others, primarily his ex views us. She has since quit her part time/seasonal jobs and relies on us or her parents to provide for my SD especially when it comes to the extras (dresses, phones, activities etc) This is bothersome to me. I do care for my SD and do equally for her as I do my own as I have always done, even before marriage... but now it is expected.

However, since we married, we had some struggles as all blended families do. I don't expect to be placed on a pedestal, however I do want to acknowledge our marriage even it was untraditional. It is still a unity of two people or 5 people in this case. ... it was not intended to be temporary otherwise I would have filed for divorce upon open enrollment season once the strike was over. That being said, I believe it should be considered an anniversary and thus celebrated as such... like most do, with your spouse.