Court Ordered Vacation
Hoping someone will have some knowledge to share.
My husband's ex wife is taking their 3 children on vacation out of state. The court order states the following regarding vacations;
"Each party may take 2 one week vacations per year when the children are not in school. Each party will notify the other in writing no less than 30 in advance and include all travel arrangements and phone numbers and addresses of where the children will be lodged."
The kids have spring break starting on the 25th, she is taking them on the 23rd. She notified my husband a couple of months ago via text that she was taking them on vacation during spring break. He said he wanted his court order time for Good Friday, then we never heard another word about vacation. We never got any written notice about where they were going or staying. I told him she is just trying to aggravate him and not to worry about it until the 30 days have come and gone. They have. My stepson told my husband yesterday that they were going to yellowstone park and leaving on the 23.
It's very frustrating and I know she is doing this to him on purpose. She took them out of state last summer without telling him, he found out the day before they left from the children. Her response was that it was not interferring with his time, so she did not have to tell him. She is always screaming "parent of primary residence". She also moved them around the town all last summer from place to place because she was renting out her house. He never knew where they were staying.
Bottom line, my husband is at a loss, we are tight on money so there is none for a lawyer. He is thinking to call the police, but not sure what that would accomplish.
Any advice on how we should handle this? Can someone else share a similar story and how you handled it?
Thank you
Thank you, I will definitely
Thank you, I will definitely tell my husband about your situation. These sound like good steps to follow.
All three stepkids used to have phones we provided, she threw one out the window of her moving car, "lost" another while at her home, the third had a smashed screen, still worked up until a couple of weeks ago then stopped working completely. Even if they did work, she threatened the 8 year old with corporal punishment is she ever brought it back to her house. All three confirmed that and begged my husband not to make her take it with her.
Thanks for your comment, I think it will help.
They all know our phone
They all know our phone numbers, she won't let them call from her phone. I have suggested the "throw away" phones, so if she destroys them, it won't be as big a deal, but I don't want to hear about them getting hurt, verbally or physically. She used to read the text they would send to me and then call them traitors. They would even get in trouble for taking pictures of our dog.
I think we will notify for documentation purposes.
The police aren't going to do
The police aren't going to do anything. Court orders have to be dealt with through the court system.
Just to clarify, is the issue just the aggravation that she's taking them on vacation without providing written notice? Is it conflicting with something your DH is wanting to do? Is there concern that she won't return them?
She likes to aggravate him by
She likes to aggravate him by showing him she can do whatever she wants with regards to the children. We have had real issues with the local courts, her family is politically connected. He is always getting the short end of the stick mostly from her lying on the stand.
He doesn't mind the vacation, as long as it does not interfere with school or his holiday time. Spring break starts on the 25th, (he get this day every other year by court order. Just the day), and ends on the 3rd. She could just take them away on the 26 after his day and it would not interfere with school or his time.
She does not feel she has to tell him where she is going or staying, (of course he has to tell her all when we take them on vacation).
So, she did not abide by the court order with notice of where (addresses and phone numbers) within 30 days, they will be missing school and his holiday day. He is not afraid she will not return.
I agree with this^^^ It's
I agree with this^^^
It's aggravating, but likely not something that a judge will not do anything about. He can file for contempt, but chances are a judge is just going to tell her not to do it again...over & over.
I don't think its worth the
I don't think its worth the trouble. She will come back. This vacation interferes with both his time and their school time.
He just wants to know where his children are.
One year, he decided he would
One year, he decided he would not take the kids to anything BM planned on his time. We happened to have a scheduled court date the following week after he started refusing to take them to a play rehearsal that went until 11 pm. They had been missing school, twice had the flu, so he refused to take them.
At the court hearing, (that was about a separate matter), she asked the judge to write into a new order that he had to take them AND had to give up the following weekend of his visitation time for her family reunion. The judge wrote the order.
Thanks! I really appreciate
Thanks! I really appreciate that!
In a few years you're going
In a few years you're going to wish you hadn't wasted your valuable life energy worrying about this.
See it as free babysitting and thank your lucky stars YOU get that time off.
Better yet, can I send my SKIDS along?
Seriously, I used to worry about this stuff. Think about all the things you could be doing to follow your dreams and goals if you weren't wasting your valuable life worrying about your DH's visitation schedule.
Been there, done that... So over it. }:)
LOL!! Quite frankly, if he
LOL!!
Quite frankly, if he wouldn't bring it up daily, I guess i would care less.
You are right, I don't want to worry about things I can't control
She sounds very unstable
She sounds very unstable
Kids need stable in order to thrive. Is your husband going to try for more parenting time?
Those poor kids
I consider her unstable and
I consider her unstable and bi polar. He tried to get more time before we were married. The judge stated that there was no significant change in circumstances and the youngest was about 6 at the time.
I agree with them needing stability. Hopefully, we can go back soon to try again.
So, your DH is pissed off
So, your DH is pissed off that she is taking one of his days away AND that she hasn't complied with the notification clause in the JOD?
I will go against the grain here and tell you to file a motion to show cause as to why she should not be found in contempt for violating the parenting time plan.
DH did this every time Medusa took his time, denied his time, didn't follow the notification procedure. The Court quickly figured out that Medusa was a spiteful bitch and gave DH more time with the skids.
A Judge can't figure out that there's a problem unless someone points that out, right??
Right!! I tell him that, just
Right!! I tell him that, just document everything.
I'm not going to say it's the
I'm not going to say it's the best solution but when BM thought she could pick and choose which court appointed days to ignore DH started withholding SS from her for equal time lost. Petty, sure but she stopped because it started screwing with her schedule more than his. If she keeps him from longer than she is suppose to then when she drops the kids off for his next visit tell her she can pick them up a day later to make up for the day she took and if she has a problem with it then she can file a motion. Now if they will be back in school by the time his visitation comes around them just keep them for the next Monday or Friday holiday like Memorial Day.
No, no, no, no,
No, no, no, no, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The 23rd means the Skid's miss school. NO! That flagrantly and specifically violates the CO. Nail BM's ass to the wall. And NO again due to the failure to notify in writing and provide complete travel and contact information. And your DH gets Good Friday... NO to her failing to deliver the Skids as scheduled on Good Friday!!
If she leaves on the 23rd he needs to call the police and report her deviation so that there is an official record the file a contempt motion. No need for a lawyer. When she fails to deliver the kids on Good Friday.... call the cops and file another contempt motion for failing to surrender the Skids as ordered in th CO. Each time she violates the CO file a contempt motion, and call the cops.
No quarter. This should have started last summer when she took them out of state and when she rented out her house and was dragging the Skids around on her couch surfing adventure. That too violates the CO if she does not provide prior notificqation, travel scheduel and contact information. Each move should have initiated a police report and a contempt motion.
Nail her ass to the wall. Keep a copy of the CO rolled up and smack the shit out of her with each and every time she so much at twitches out of compliance. (Figuratively of course). The Skids are old enough to be introduced to the facts of the CO and the facts regarding BM's violations of the CO in an age appropriate manner.
Document, document, document, report, report, report!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I agree, this wouldn't be my
I agree, this wouldn't be my hill to die on. The trip will be good for the kids, get off the internet and explore!
It should be a fun trip, I
It should be a fun trip, I agree. They will get 2 one week trips with us over the summer, we always take them somewhere. And another week with their mother.
I think it really boils down to, the fact that he does not know where his kids are. Not that they are going on vacation.
Got to pick your battles. DW
Got to pick your battles. DW and I used to get wound up about this, but it is generally pretty pointless. Spiteful, petty people like my SD20's "pefect" bio-daddy will always push to see what they an get away with. Unless it is actually harming the kids or materially interfering with their school, it's probably better to just let it go. As others have pointed out, it will be that much less time to deal with the skids. Go out and get a manicure! (or whatever you do for fun!).