I can overhear the sd talking and...

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She is eight, telling her mom how I always want my way.

Now my wife calling me a control freak after 20 years knowing her makes sense. The little brat is feeding her lines.

When I dreamt of getting back with my now wife, I never imagined her brat being a sociopath. Can I find a job that takes me away for twm more years?

Papers say 50/50... But its

Papers say 50/50... But its us m-f, he gets her Fri night to sun morning, Nana Sunday night.
This chat they had was after she screamed at me in the drive way about how I need to shut up and start listening to her (the sd) BC I'm not in the family anyways.
She was just told to go in and start getting ready for bed, her mother and I wee unloading the car. She ignored the directions (as usual) and I just repeated them with "(name), do as you are told and go in.".... Nothing at all came out my wife's mouth. She just stood there silent.

You are wrong in this case...

You are wrong in this case... My wife just informed me she is taking sd and leaving for a few days to see if she wants to stay with me or not.
She said she told me from the start not tonmake her choose. It was sd that makes her choose. I been trying to disengage, but when a eight year old screams at you in your own house, its hard to ignore. (Though she does it just fine)

Completely lost right now.

It's my house. Only packing

It's my house. Only packing will be her things and I think packing her stuff is aggressive.
And I'm supposed to love this little manipulator?! How am I supposed to love a kid that screams at me, threatens me, and now is ruining my marriage?

Children are only as good or

Children are only as good or bad as their parents. In your case, I think the SD's crap is indicative of both her and her mothers lack of character. Why do you tolerate it from either of them.

I wouldn't if I were you.

Wife and I had a chat in

Wife and I had a chat in bed... We will see if things change. She says "you obviously weren't ready for us" all the time. I think they weren't ready for me. Wife is a control freak (I knew that for decades)... Sd is worse, tyrant, even. Problem is wife has so much guilt over sd that she won't be a leader.
I, however, have no problem upsetting a child if they need it. ( bedtime is now not later, yes you need a bath, you will eat what is served sort of things)

You are parenting. Your wife

You are parenting. Your wife is not IMHO. What spouses with prior relationship spawn often seem to not understand is that marriage is between two equity life partners. That makes those partners equity parents to any children in the marrital home regardless of kid biology. My bride of 21+ years and I had to make adjustments on this issue periodically in our marriage too.

We married the week before SS-23 turned 2yo. Over the years we had a few periods of disconnect on parenting and discipline. I had to refresh the "equity parent" discussion and added a very powerful statement to the discussion mix. It worked well for us. "If you do not like how I parent or how I discipline then step up and get it done before I have to. If you can't do that then be supportive and bite your tongue until we can discuss it off line between the two of us. Your call. Step up or be quiet."

When she finally gained clarity on this issue and this message she stepped up with a vengence. On several occassions our son came to me and said ... "Dad, can you be the one who deals with me when I am in trouble again. You deal with it then move on. Mom never forgets and tortures me for weeks about it." }:)

It is good that you and your bride can talk about it. That is the key to a successful blended family experience for all involved.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.

I'm so lost. My wife and I

I'm so lost.

My wife and I were together before her marriage to the ex.... Being both female and her being raised Baptist, she was shunned... Put a strain on us, we broke up. She did what she was told and married the first man who proposed. He beat her, drank too much, quit jobs constantly. Ect ect. She divorces him.
Flash forward, she and I stayed in touch all the years. She was the one who got away fornme. THAT is why I put up with sd. Some people stay married for the kids... I'm trying to stay married for when sd leaves.
My relationship with my wife is Hollywood perfect when sd isn't around. Sd comes and we might have a nice day here or there but overall the brat wants me gone and wife has so much guilt over making her with an ass that she bends. then wife has guilt over leaving me for her parents happiness that she feels torn.
I'm well aware the issue is mainly in my wife not dealing. She is the type to ignore unhappy things. I can't get her to snapnout of it. In her defense, she was raised a bit messed up herself... Her mother has serious mental issues and her father is like her. Ignores bad and keeps on rolling with the good.