Has anyone ever got out?

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Just wondering if anyone was brave enough to thinks "F this" and leave the relationship and all the skid BS. I've been reading posts on this site since January and the amount of turmoil and grief SM's are going through is so depressing. Why do we stay? Are we scared to be alone? Do we really love DP's that much that we're willing to wreck our own lives and compromise our happiness? Do we believe deep down there's a happy ending or are we just plain stubborn?

I'd like to hear from anyone who got out and how this went for them. How did DP react? Do you regret it or was it the best thing ever?

Hey Miss, there are quite a

Hey Miss, there are quite a few actually.

thisisnotmocking
SweetPea
BarkattheMoon
IPeedinyourCornflakes

Among quite a few others. Those are recent's though. All of them say it was the best thing ever. WalkonBy is busy making this decision as of yesterday.

Ipeed? When did that

Ipeed? When did that happen??? Must have been recently, because when she was last here under her most recent new name (which I can't remember) there was no mention of her actually leaving. I know her H was a drinker, and that she was thinking about it. Interesting to hear that she did.

http://www.steptalk.org/node/

http://www.steptalk.org/node/197672 <--- poopless and happy I'm also poopless now and I am still with my H.

hello deceptively misleading

hello deceptively misleading lady who is actually quite experienced in special needs. But not a teacher or lunch lady

BUT that's not fair. My real

BUT that's not fair. My real Chucky isn't even going to get to be Chucky for Halloween :O

I can make his hair red. He

I can make his hair red. He is not a brunette like me and H

My X Chucky DOES have red

My X Chucky DOES have red hair

There was an older lady years

There was an older lady years ago, I want to say "Step Off"? Had a helpless, thieving 21YO SD and a spineless husband. In addition to having to booby trap all her belongings, she had to put up with an absolutely filthy, disgusting woman living in her house. Mold in her wastepaper basket, used pads (when her DH didn't see them and PICK THEM UP :sick: ), the whole nine yards. I didn't think she would ever leave, but man, when her last straw came, it came quick. She told us she was leaving, and within 5 weeks she was all set up in a cute little cottage, her peace of mind intact once again. I wish she would update us!!

That was Stepdown. She's a

That was Stepdown. She's a lovely person and I hope she's very happy now.

she is!!

Wasn't that walking, filthy

Wasn't that walking, filthy Petri dish of a human studying medicine?

I did and never looked back.

I did and never looked back. I feel liberated. I was never soo happy to end a relationship before }:) You never know what you can do till you try.

I did, best decision ever!

I did, best decision ever! Still date SO and are still a couple, but after 3+ years living together, I chose sanity

Add me to that list, lol.

The only thing worse than suffering in StepHell for 9 years, was suffering 9 years and 1 day! There IS peace on the other side. Just don't be shocked if once you get out, they don't try to suck you back in. Best decision I ever made!

Lordy. No way. My counselor

Lordy. No way. My counselor told me not to be surprised to see my ex show back up. I left with the instructions that he was not to text or call or anything.

Don't let it become 14 years!

Don't let it become 14 years! Aren't you the one who had a stepson having sex in you and SO's bed?

Im the same as onebright1. I

Im the same as onebright1.
I left/moved out but still date SO.
Until skids leave home i wont move back in.

Divorce rate is higher among

Divorce rate is higher among step families, some do get out. Many times though we have children with the spouse so it involves bios and well as steps and the marriage is not as easy to walk away from.

Ah Sally i dont go over to

Ah Sally i dont go over to the house if skid18 there!
If she comes home when im there she scurries past me without speaking and hides in her room. SO is finally clamping down on her manners and picking her up on ALL bad mouthing towards him. Quite entertaining to listen too and i briefly feel sorry for him.
We spend more time at my house now where its clean and has a lovely atmosphere.
Interesting they had a college teacher meeting recently who told SO and sd18 she needed to be more independant and autonomous. SO was told not to keep doing things for her. Slow progress but we might finally get there. Although i am peeved he listened to a teacher rather than me. But he has seen it wasnt me being a bitch and his relationship with sd18 wasnt quite right.

Anyway my daughter and I are much happier even though SO and I dont see each other every day. Whether our relationship will last we will see but it has slowly improved since i moved out and we had a break. SO is stepping up to parent slowly.

I have been out for 19

I have been out for 19 months. I got ride of a mentally ill, master manipulator husband. Funny thing is the skids were really not my issue and BM ended up being my biggest supporter and one of my best friends.

My life now is amazing, I lost 50lbs, feel awesomet have been dating a great guy for 13 months, BS has been in therapy to deal with certain things and improve his behavior and he is doing better. I have more money and my life is simpler.

In a other twist of irony I needed a sitter for next Friday because of MEA and my mom flaked out. My former ss15 is going to come stay overnight at my house ( his mom and ss18 are going to check out a college)and will babysit BS8 so I can work. Both BM and I said that it worked out awesome for bopth us. She can stay overnight with SS18 for the college thing w/o having to drag the 15 year old with because she doesn't want him home for 2 days by himself,the boys get time together, I get a sitter and SS15 makes money.

Same thing happened with my

Same thing happened with my GF. Her SO was a narcissist and once she was free of him she became good friends with his ex, BM of 3 skids.

All the crap he'd told her about how crazy ex was and how horrible she was to the kids were either outright lies or had one tiny kernel of truth wrapped up in a ton of lies.

He's tied up a lot of her money in a holiday home and has made life miserable for her financially but she's so much happier and healthier it's worth every penny!

She's also now friends with the woman he dated after they broke up! They call themselves the exclub!

I'm not out but was nearly

I'm not out but was nearly there last year. We're working on things but in a moment of complete honesty.....I'm always waiting for that other shoe to drop.

Yep. I'm out and it's all

Yep. I'm out and it's all final and over. Don't miss a damn thing.

FREEEEEDDOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!

"Snoopystep" left, I

"Snoopystep" left, I think.

Ahh, and "SailorGirl" ditched the situation when a new fully-formed SD appeared. She pops in sometimes to check on and encourage.

I almost wish that we had a "Hall of Memories" or something to commemorate STepTalk posters who have moved on or moved away.

I love that idea of a hall of

I love that idea of a hall of memories for those out or lost to us.

Hi you , I left as well.

Hi you ,

I left as well. After a couple of years in hell, I decided I had had enough of the endless drama, screaming and mental abuse from SD (now 14 ) and SS (now 11)
It`s been about a year and a half now, and it is the BEST decision I ever made. I can breathe again, have friends and family over, and most important of all I feel like a human being again
For me, the madness has`nt really stopped, since I have 2 younger kids with their Disney Dad (the reason why I endured the madness) and it is awful to send them to his when it is his time to have them. It sucks big time that I have to keep in touch with him for the next 10-15 years. :jawdrop: My family lives in an other part of the country, so moving is difficult since I can`t stop Disney dad from seeing our kids. I am counting the days until SD and SS move out from his house and on to their adult lives. Sadly that is still a few years along down the road... All I can do in the meantime is to endure and try to set my kids straight after their stay at Disneydads...
I REALLY miss the support from all you lovely people on this forum, so a "Hall of memories" or a post where ex-step mothers could support each others when they have kids that are exposed to the madness of their ex-step kids is a great idea!!
I am still kicking myself for not understanding the madness sooner and leaving BEFORE I had kids with that useless Disneydad. That would have saved me from having the mortgage 7 times my salary.... Needless to say I have gone from being the step-mother from hell, to now also being the ex and ex-daughter in law from Hell too. And just to top it, Disneydad is now BACK with BM who dumped him all those years ago.
Well, she will learn soon enugh that he has`nt changed a bit. }:)
Hope that gave you another perspective And no, I`ll never engage in a relationship with a man with kids again, EVER!!

for me i have all my eggs in

for me i have all my eggs in a basket and ready to jump. already have an attorney standing by. not only is it the skids but also the in laws. everyone comes before me in the line. sick of it.

dont blame yourself. over

dont blame yourself. over one third of step situations end in divorce. this is due to misplaced loyalties to ones children.

in a marriage the spouse comes first over all things. as for you, you need to protect your assets. your dh clearly sees you as an income source (and source for sex) as he has failed to properly parent his children.

why is it that men can be

why is it that men can be assholes and then seconds later expect a woman to get romantic? they have no clue. or minutes after having sex they begin talking about buying the skids school clothes etc?

when a man has children, the sole need for a second wife is to provide the man with sex.

I'm in the process now after

I'm in the process now after only being married in April this year.... Long story but the gist of it is involves SD21, being put last, being verbally and emotionally abused and being the last to know about everything. And he lies by omission. I was naive initially but started to attend counselling to help me unravel the inconsistencies and his manipulative ways and it was during my individual sessions ( eventually DH came for 3 before he stopped as its a waste of time... His words) that the counsellor said my DH was passive aggressive ( on the disorder spectrum) and Im codependent. That was a light bulb moment for me not only in explaining the reason why I chose men with narc type behaviours but why I stay so long in unfulfilling relationships. My DH is high on the PA spectrum and now I see through His manipulations and Instead of stopping and trying to get along for the sake of us ( to stay being married) his behavior is ramping up which gives him an excuse to "leave me" so he looks like th good guy and I'm the crazy one as I'm refusing to tolerate his behaviour anymore.

He recently secured a rental and is now there..... After he told me to fuck off as I was upset with him responding to my cheery hello with a grunt ( like I was a hassle to acknowledge).... And it's my fault I expect so much from him ( yeah buddy it's called being a decent human being).

And through all of this I thought I was the one not doing enough, loving enough etc.. But all along its him! His behavior is off and isn't acceptable. He has the issues and is trying to project them onto me.

I'm over being treated like a piece of shit where he can speak to me and treat me how ever he wants to, but the second I say that's nor acceptable is the second he flies off the handle at me for daring to have standards. Blah!

Sounds like we were married

Sounds like we were married to the same man, lol. So glad you are finally getting out. Trust me, you'll be so much happier. Just remember to take some time to deal with the PTSD (Post-traumatic Step Disorder) and I know you'll be just fine.

Thanks Alreadygone ( good

Thanks Alreadygone ( good name btw)...

And yeah... I've taken a battering to my self esteem but at least I'm finishing things sooner than later. Some women wait around all their life for their men to do the right thing by them... Not me. Life's too short.

Now to rebuild my life again ....

I'm at the jumping-off point

I'm at the jumping-off point of separating from my DH and rebuilding my life all over again, too. It's depressing. I sold my house, all my furniture and other household stuff, and now I have to go buy it all over again. I gave up a lot to marry DH, and it was a really stupid thing to do. I blame no one but myself. I should have spent more time around DH and his three kids, more "everyday" time to see how they acted in real life, not just during short periods of time.

Oh well. Good thing is, both of my kids (from a previous marriage) seem to be okay with moving and aren't upset about it. They're as tired of the bullshit and drama at DH's house as I am, and they see the move as a positive thing. Plus, DH and I don't have any children together, so I won't be tethered to him for the next 18 years.

DH and I may continue to see each other after we separate, but I don't know. If it turns out to be too much of a hassle, I'll just ghost him. It sucks, but I've got to look out for my kids and me, and try to get our lives back.

That last statement.."the

That last statement.."the second I say that's not acceptable is the second he flies off the handle" is MY LIFE!! I tell my H all the time to not talk to me like that, or name call or treat me certain ways and he acts like I feel entitled. His exact words are "Oh I am sorry.. I forgot that YOU can't be talked to that way!" like I think I am above other people. Umm.. no. It is called being a decent human being and treating me like I'm your WIFE and not someone off the street!! yuckkkk!

Just agree with him. You, are

Just agree with him. You, are absolutely correct in thinking that I will not be spoken to in that manner. I respect myself and won't let you or anyone else talk to me that way.

It's hard to argue with someone when they are agreeing with you. All he's trying to do is move the fight from what it's actually about to something that is your fault or your problem.

Sent you a message! Our

Sent you a message! Our husbands sound so similar. Would love your insight.

I've come and gone. Always

I've come and gone. Always trapped between guilt over the two young ones I have w DH and just plain misery in our step family situation. I go through the motions bc I don't know when to give up. I'm loyal to a fault so this is all just a nightmare. I always daydream of never having to see or speak to either sd or bm again and hate that my kids will always have some link there bc of who I chose as their father. I'll be graduating next december from nursing school and guess that will be the moment of truth when I'm making enough to move out w my boys and not have to move 6 states away w my mom in a falling down house. It feels like a catch 22 either way. It's heart breaking and I never know what will be best for my kids in the longrun. Only thing I know is how happy and free I feel when I'm away from this nonsense. Coming back has always felt like putting a collar around my own neck each time. I don't see us making it but one can hope :/

I figure I can survive 8 more

I figure I can survive 8 more years ( I hope bc I really do love my DH) and I've already put in 10 stephell years, apparently there is no early release for good behavior. When skid turns 18 DH retires, and we are out!

I really do love my DH too

I really do love my DH too but I have this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that this SD16 is never gonna leave our home. She gets anything she wants and doesn't have to do anything why would she. no one will ever tell her that she needs to make a life for herself. I'll give it until she is 18 and if I see the same pattern with no changes because she is an adult then I am out. I'm not going to live the rest of my life dealing with her no matter how much I love DH. We can still be together but we are not living together as long as he and her are a package.

I am gonna stay coz we are

I am gonna stay coz we are having our own baby...

I am gonna stay coz we are

I am gonna stay coz we are having our own baby...

I sort of bailed. SO and I

I sort of bailed. SO and I live apart now, since last summer. It's allowed us to have fun together again. And now I have my own place with my bios and my dog. It's a peaceful life! I see the skids about once a month. I'm not obligated to do anything for them. BM affects my life not at all...besides me listening to SO vent here and there. And I just say, oh that sucks. And I let him decide if he's going to do anything about her latest drama. HE gets to decide because it has no bearing on my day to day life AT ALL. Bliss.

You are here

Has anyone ever got out?