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Moving forward, plus i got a raise, wahoo!

StepDrama's picture

Submitted by StepDrama on Sat, 08/15/2015 - 6:55pm

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So for anyone who follows my crap knows im a hot mess!
But hubby and i bought the book "Step Coupling" and are reading one chapter at a time and meeting after, discecting it together and after we are done we will figure out how we will transistion into more of a step parent family instead of pretending to be in a nuclear family.

FIL also told BM to not believe everything the sgirls say about me, because regardless of everything he does for them, they still treat him like crap and talk rudely to him. That was really nice!

I got a raise yesterday! A 1.50 per hour raise will help us, plus they were sooooooooo late in giving me my review, i demanded it and they offered retro pay for 6 weeks! I should be getting a check for like $4,000! And guess what all? That shit is going toward MY credit cards. That's right, i earned it, so im paying my debt not dhs!!!

Boo-yah!

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Sat, 08/15/2015 - 10:57pm

Bravo! So wonderful to hear of a couple who recognise they are not a nuclear family and come to the table as 2 different families trying to live under the same roof with more smiles than frowns and as little bloodshed as possible.

StepDrama's picture

Submitted by StepDrama on Sat, 08/15/2015 - 11:39pm

There was definitely a lot of crying and frowns, thoughts of leaving on my end... Which ive been wrestling with for years!!!! Finally i had to make a decison "do i want to leave or stay? Decide now, if i want to stay then stop thinking about leaving and what life would be like and make it work!!! If i want to leave, then start planning the exit and stop fighting to make it work"

And luckily i have dhs participation. I have to remember he often gets put in a tough position and im often insensitive of that...

But so am i, really tough positions..

So positive vibes and hard work, ill still be here Smile

Thank you!

StepDrama's picture

Submitted by StepDrama on Sun, 08/16/2015 - 1:03am

Thanks sueu2!!
Displays of affection... Not sure yet! We've been together 6 years so we are pretty much all over each other and they dont care since they were 3 and 5 since we met. Thoughts on the subject in case the book doesn't

It will address BM yeah, and we are pretty fresh into the book so im not sure of everything, but it outlines boundaries, healthy step family arrangements vs un healthy ones, it seems pretty comprehensive yet condensed. Throughout the book quotes from real step parents are discussed and through the chapters there are gray boxes with questions to ask your partner, which is nice and i love that hes taking that seriously.

After the book, certain things ill need to let go of... Sure he cant let things with bm slide, but i need to give up some control. So before we start making rules with each other we want to read this book and see if we can get some insight. I feel like ive gotten a lot of insight here and know what we need to do, but the problem is that whenever we dont agree it turns into a huge fight because he doesnt understand any of this step stuff, he thinks it should work the same as a real family so he needs to be taught it before we sit down and set ground rules.

We havent run into a problem yet, no kids this week. So i cant speak to changes, however hes opening up to me more. Such as in the book one of the questions i had to ask him was "list 5 things you dont like about yourself" and one thing he said was, "i wish that i could think of the right thing to say in the moment, sometimes i dont say enough or give the right response and it affects other people" and these arent aggressive things, simply just not enough.

Im going to make it a requirement that he put her in her place. Especially if shes hurting my relationship with the girls and thats the cause for so much drama.

Im going to paste the link to my post from like last week, you would get a real good idea of what life was like and my state of mind in the moments leading up to this hahaha