Part 2: WHY does huband get mad at me everytime I have to tell him when his teen is breaking house rules or being nasty
He had a "talk" about the 16y/o not eating in the kitchen after 10 pm. Yesterday he had this talk to him and he was in there an hour or so later.
Well, tonight, this morning rather 1:27am, guess who is up still on a school night AND in the kitchen
S/O was getting up anyway, and I got up too.
I simply said "You son is in the kitchen again and it's 1:30. Step 2 will be taking place (switching off the breaker in the kitchen at night) and I will disconnect his wi-fi - actions equal consequences (just installed AT&T and he asked his dad today what the wi-fi password was - I was reluctant, and S/O noticed because he had said "You don't think he deserves the password?"
I wanted to say FUCK NO but instead said I'm not saying a word) I digress.
Back to the waking up part...I didn't think he would say anything to the idiot but go back to sleep, I put my earplugs back in, and kid AGAIN went back into the kitchen. S/O got up out of bed and upstairs. Didn't hear what was being said but then he came down and started on me by saying, "You know you're always on the kids case about everything but how about when your daughter and her father were up in the living room (during a visit like a year ago) and making all sorts of noise keeping me up!" I barely remembered this but OK. My response was "Well I told them to knock it down and they did, unlike your son who keeps disobeying the house rules, hence being disrespectful THATS the problem I have".
He gets up at 530 to get ready for work and to wake up the dumb ass son, so he got up got dressed and I said where are you going at 2:30 in the morning? He ranted and raved left telling me fuck you we're done on the way out the door. He's said this many times.
Then he sent me a text msg "Consequences? How come everyone gets consequences but you? So since you want to be cold unaffectionate and with hold sex, fuck you. We're done. You have til the end of May til you figure out to find a car, cell phone and internet. You treat me like a fucking dog. My son being in the wrong doesn't make up for you treating me so shabby. Hope you're fucking happy with yourself"
What in the actual fuck? YOUR KID, not mine, is the one breaking house rules and being an asshole. YOUR son has no discipline. YOUR son does stupid shit all the time and doesn't get reprimanded for it, and you are mad at ME???
I just really do not get this.
Now I can't go back to sleep all because of some bullshit?
I'm not sleeping, the MF woke
I'm not sleeping, the MF woke me up with all of this bullcrap - just because his fat ass son doesn't follow house rules. I do not see why I am the asshole in all of this - why is he so angry at me for calling a spade a spade?
Because you called him on his
Because you called him on his parenting and his son.
PMSL I hadn't read this when
PMSL I hadn't read this when I said it earlier!
Sally you have taught us well!
He blames my anger and not
He blames my anger and not letting things go regarding his kids. If you knew the shit his kids have done and said to me, hell yeah, that's why I have nothing to do with them. What makes me SO irate is that the marriage counseling - he seemed so compliant, like we were making progress, but when I let him know "your son left shit on the toilet:, "your son is not following house rules and is still up eating at 1 am on a school night", your son let some asshole kids in and they robbed my by taking my credit cards, or he missed the school bus this morning by falling asleep after you woke him up and left for work because he was up til 2 playing XBox or on his 800 dollar cellphone, there were NO consequenses for his actions NONE! THATS WHAT EATS MY ASS!
Well I can sell about 25k in
Well I can sell about 25k in jewelry he has bought me - I hate to but shit. I am about to be laid off in a couple of months. I'll figure something out. Its harder when I have no help with family nor financial help from my daughters father who ONCE AGAIN has no job.
I really know how to fucking pick them.
I still have in my head that its me.
Maybe it is me - I call things as I see it and I im not ashamed to say to anyone, those kids are assholes - and maybe he is guilt parenting because their mom killed herself over a year ago, but STILL no excuse to be a nasty trashy asshole with no boundaries - and their dad just...practically does nothing. He still has the 55 inch TV in his room with xbox games, trash, dirty dishes all on the floor, room smells like ass and him fiddling with his balls...and I am the one that is the bitch, cunt or told fuck you by SO..sometimes he gets so mad he will act like a kid himself and throw shit and break shit. I think this whole family are a bunch of assholes.
Well the son goes to
Well the son goes to counseling like once a month, and he's is a little nutty anyway (from his mom im sure) and has Aspbergers, but that is the excuse everyone uses - there is a difference between aspergers and being a fucking asshole.
And I will keep my head up. I have been putting resumes in for a couple of weeks now - I will be strong. No one will bring me down. Im tired of being the punching bag when it comes to alerting him on his kids fuckery - he should be mad at them, not ME. If my daughter acted anyway like those shitheads, I would be in her ass. I would never allow her to disrespect my S/O, but I guess now it clearly seems that this is a one way street because I feel he doesn't have my back - and thats not a relationship. You're teaching your kids that the shit they do is okay, but when they get out in the real world, boy, they are in for one helluva surprise.
Fuck em all.
I agree with Sally... Head
I agree with Sally... Head up. No time for self wallowing.. FOCUS. Money now for you is key. Start stock piling it. Get a PO box. Get a bank account.. start piling money - sell the freaking jewelry. Skimp on groceries, and pocket the money. He'll have to pay you alimony, and you WILL get another job - keep at the job hunt.
Don't focus on the negative shit you're in - try to brush that off, and plan your escape. Be ruthless. Be quiet about it, don't show your hand, and initiate a plan.
This is about your survival and self preservation now.
You've got a whole lot of
You've got a whole lot of anger going on in you. Take the two month notice to get out seriously and do so. Your miserable, DH is miserable, your daughter has got to be wondering WTF her mama has landed them both in. It's not worth it. You and your daughter can do this without DH/SS and all the stress and bullsh*t.
You'll find a job, you have some resources to assist you (the jewelry you mentioned. Who needs jewelry from a guy who is an asshole?). What help you might need financially may be able to be gotten from govt. assistance until you can swing it by yourself. No one should stay where they are so anger and miserable all the time. Nothing is going to change in your current relationship/household. DH has made that clear to you. Who cares if he blames you for anything and everything. Now is not the time to worry about blame. Get yourself together and get yourself and your daughter out.
Forget the marriage counseling and perhaps instead try focusing on you and counseling for yourself. A counselor can help walk you through everything you've been through and are feeling. You need to find yourself again. When you free yourself of this man and his son , you will begin to 'heal' and become stronger. You don't need this guy. You don't need this relationship. You just need to find your way out and find your inner strength again. Yes, that's easier said than done, but you know you have to do it...and you can do it. You just have to take those first hard steps. No one is going to lie to you here and tell you it'll be easy. It won't be. But your alternative is remaining in this relationship/home angry and miserable until it destroys you. Free yourself and your daughter and learn to live and laugh and enjoy life again. You deserve it. Your daughter deserves it and yes, you can make it happen. Believe in yourself.
Yes twoviewpoints, I do have
Yes twoviewpoints, I do have a lot of anger in me - I think its because I am passionate and stand up for myself and just have a pet-peeve with respect - not with just bad assed kids, but people in general, and when someone is fucking with me, I go ape shit. I am too old for drama and bullshit, and I am so tired of it. When that idiot was gone with his equally asshole sister last week for spring break, it was so nice - when he came back, the black cloud came back, and my instant attitude and disgust in that kid.
Everything seems fine when he isn't around, but I will say my husband is not only in denial, but can be an asshole too. Your kid or not, even he himself has called them assholes, ingrates, etc, but, they're his kids, I get that, you can tolerate your own kids more than someone else's - but there is a damn limit to the assholery.
I'm scared and uncertain now - I am feeling quite low...there are moments I think dark, but its just a thought...This makes me sound like a whiny GD victim but my life has always been shitty - since birth to now. Why can't I have some peace. All I ever, all I want rather is to have a half way decent family and spend the holidays together, go on trips, just be content/happy. I have none of that, not even with my blood family. I have no one but my 8 yr old.
Thank you all for listening and the advice. I literally have no one - no friends, this is all I have or anyone to talk to virtually.
I appreciate it immensely.
That, although I'm not sure I
That, although I'm not sure I would tell him that you're moving out. I would find ways to say something but not actually answer that question. I wouldn't show my hand... He sounds like a total asshole, and who needs to add any more tension to that household with him knowing you're leaving. The best attack is a surprise attack, imo.
oops wrong thread
oops wrong thread
He is treating you like one
He is treating you like one of his kids instead of a partner. I guess he thinks you need a spanking for being a tattle tale. So sorry! It is a hard place to be. Your husband needs consequences for his words.
You know, it seems like he
You know, it seems like he gaslights me - turning issue as if its all my fault. I dont force your son to stink, have a trashy nasty room, smear boogers on walls and leave shit on the toilet and just be plain out lazy. He still does his laundry, this piece of shit doesn't even take out the trash. The problem is truly I believe is his father. He will tell him not to do anything but is never consistent or does not provide punishments for consequenses - like right now, his fat ass is in bed knowing there was school today - you know why he is still sleep? One, his daddy gets his up in the morning because he can't and he is 16, and he was up at 130 am stuffing his fat face. SO keeps texting me saying that I was never a partner and everything is about me. I swear to you, I don't tolerate a lot of bullshit but I am FAR from being selfish. He kept on saying that we could have had the greatest marriage but instead I want to crap on the one person who loves you and helped me out. I am in the wrong. You you you. And what's disrespectful is my inability to tell me what you want without getting pissy and repeating it multiple times. I'm not a fucking child and I wont be talked to like one.
I do not do this - I mean I bring up things multiple times because that fucking kid does shit multiple times over and over and over - I'm just the messenger because he doesn't see it!!!!!!!
This brings me to tears because maybe he is right - maybe I do bitch too much about his kid
MrsCancer - Why are you
MrsCancer - Why are you owning this and why are you letting him do your head in? I love my SO more than words can express. I have stood by him through loss of his job, finalizing his divorce, BM with holding visitation. We have been through a miscarriage, financial difficulties, MIL problems, my mother living with us and NEVER has he spoken to me like yours does. His child has physically harmed mine and our dog. And I regularly point out to SO what he needs to handle with his son. It drives my SO nuts! He does not hurl abuse at me. He sulks from time to time but that's okay so do I. Your situation is not unique where we as partners ask our spouses/ husbands/ SO to handle their child. Stop the blame game and get out.
Because I dont know
Because I dont know Monchichi. I know you think i'm stupid, but I don't know. Its so much easier giving advice to others but I can't even begin to understand my own shit with this.
Get out? Oh hell no!!!
Get out? Oh hell no!!! While they are gone rekey the locks. Empty the accounts and go pay cash for a decent vehicle. He played the "I'm done" card so force him to stick with it. He can go find a place to live for he and his spawn. If it is his house make him evict you.
Toxic ball-less idiots don't get to skate.
Enjoy holding him accountable with appropriate consequences for his actions and enjoy your new life.
Take care of yourself.
Please take care of you right
Please take care of you right now. You are in the middle of a storm and just need to take a deep breath and deal with one moment at a time.
No one thinks you are stupid here....please don't put yourself down. You have great worth...you are seeking answers and support to get thru a rough time. Sometimes the comments here may seem hard edged but they come from people who have walked in your shoes and only want to spare you further hardship. They care enough to respond to your post. Even if not always what you want to hear.
Yes he is gaslighting you. Time to put him on a time out. Text him to leave you alone unless he can communicate in a respectful manner. Then ignore his texts if he continues berating you. You do not have to take abuse from anyone.
You can have the family you want with the daughter you have who is learning about life from watching your life. Begin living the life you want today. It may take many years to have the full picture in place...but think about the future and what you want to see in it when you are a grandmother one day. Envision the life you want now and take steps to bring it to reality.
You are not alone. You have a daughter who loves you. And strangers on the Internet who care enough to listen.
Whether you stay with your husband or not, you can take back your power over your life.
Find some support in your area to begin to expand your world with friends and activities you enjoy on your own. Maintain your individuality even while married.
Your confidence is low now because of the attack you have suffered. Build yourself back up and carry on.
And your DH can forget about sex until such a day as you feel you can trust him again. What an immature whine from him that was. Don't ever feel you have to give in to such crap. It is your gift to bestow, not his to demand.
Deep breathe, be well, carry on.
Edited to add: I agree with what Rags said. Toxic people only understand action. Separate your finances, buy a car with money from joint account, kick him out or take all the money and move yourself out if not your house or just renting. Whatever you have to do. Call his bluff. He expects all this abuse to throw you into a tailspin and you to cow down to what he wants. He thinks you have no support, no one but him. Prove him wrong. Just you is enough to change everything in your world.
Even though his kid has ASD I
Even though his kid has ASD I SWEAR I think he knows what he is doing / its like a passive-aggressive fuck you with the things he does, like he's trying to mess up my marriage because he knows I cant stand him. Can kids really be that manipulative or am I so fucked up right now I don't even trust my own judgement.
Even though his kid has ASD I
Even though his kid has ASD I SWEAR I think he knows what he is doing / its like a passive-aggressive fuck you with the things he does, like he's trying to mess up my marriage because he knows I cant stand him. Can kids really be that manipulative or am I so fucked up right now I don't even trust my own judgement.
Because he's a pal, not a
Because he's a pal, not a parent, to his kid, and it chaps his ass to have his failure as a parent pointed out to him.
Typical divorced dad, I'm afraid. This website is filled with similar posts. My own husband won't parent, either. It's not your fault. Really. It's not.
I appreciate EVERYONES input,
I appreciate EVERYONES input, I truly do...I appreciate you all listening and letting me just bitchaway
S/O did call me from work.
He asked me what would be an appropriate punishment for his fuckery....
I don't know how to take that or even what to say. I already changed the wi-fi password so he can't get on the web to play on his xbox. I also changed the network ID to FuckYouToo - yeah, I did, don't care.
The son brought in a friend
The son brought in a friend who stole your credit. The son knows he can do whatever he wants. One of his friends he brings into the house at night may do something to your 8 year old daughter. If he is hanging out with friends who already have proven they commit criminal acts, and I'm pretty sure stealing credit cards is a felony, why wouldn't they be predators as well? Maybe they are, maybe they aren't. It is simply a matter of luck. It doesn't have to be any violent horrible assault, it could be as simple as grabbing your 8 year olds crotch cause she walked by.
The son brings in very questionable and possibly dangerous young men into your home at night, where your 8 year is supposed to be sleeping securely,