Having things be fair
My 2 daughters have lived with their BM across the country for the last 4 years. I have decided to move to be closer to my children. My SO was not to pleased about this at all to put it lightly. Her and I have had our issues with our kids (previous post Should I Stay or should I go. ..) so I won't go into detail about that. She wants to stay where we live now until her son finishes high school in 3 years. I originally told her I wanted to move this summer. She made me feel horribly guilty about this, how could I leave her, shes going to be changing jobs, her daughter wil be starting a new school at same time I leave, she doesn't want to do a long distance relationship for that long. After all the guilt trippin I told I would stay another 6 months past then so we can get everything settled with her. I had to tell my kids (12 and 10) that I wasnt moving out there as soon as I thought. Of course they were upset about it and crying. Here's the thing. After I told my daughters about it, my SO didn't even ask me how they were. When I told her how upset they were, she got mad at me saying I was trying to make her feel guilty because she was the reason I was staying longer. She also was upset because she said I don't comfort her like I do my kids and tell her everything is going to be allright. So she turned the whole situation about how my daughters were upset to something about her. 2 days later I found out from BM that my oldest had planned to do some things over the summer and didnt want to come. When I told my SO this, she got mad saying I basically had to make her come because how was it fair that my daughter gets to stay there, do what she wants, when her daughter is going to have to move in a couple of years when she doesnt want to? IS it just me or does that logic not make sense? She always seems to be turning the situatuon around to her and what about her. My SO has already told me she doesn't want to move but will do it for me even though I'm taking her away from her "family and all that she has ever known". Talk about the guilt trip! I can just see her playing the whole "well I moved here for you" card whenever there is an argument. I asked her if she was going to be resentful and bitter if she moved and she said she didnt know. A huge part of me is now thinking I shouldn't even ask her to go, especially with all the problems with our attempts at blending. Please read other post as mentioned.
I feel for you. I moved away
I feel for you. I moved away from my family and 'everything I knew' for my SO. He wanted to be closer to his children and I was pregnant at the time and thought it was only right to be a family. Granted I made that choice, he did not force it, so I have no right to guilt him over it. I do feel very resentful though. I've tried on many occasions to convince him we would be better off closer to my family. We're not talking a days drive away... I moved to the other side of the country. I feel home sick constantly. I've had many issues being a SM. I haven't read your other post, I don't know if you have bio kids with her, but I can tell you it is incredibly hard to make this work, especially if she is already fighting it. I moved here with the BEST intentions (naively so) and I still feel resentful. Resentful towards him for not wanting to move closer to my family, and resentful towards his kids for keeping him here. I know it sounds ridiculous, and I know it's not his kids fault, but I honestly feel that way. I contemplate leaving EVERY DAY, and im very close to just doing it and hoping he follows after he sees what he's lost. Now imagine trying to make that situation work with someone who doesn't want to move to begin with? If you want to be with your children then you should be. And yes you're going to feel guilty, and yes there is a very high chance it will cost you your relationship with your SO. This probably isn't very helpful at all, just a glimpse from the other side.
Checked out your last post
Checked out your last post and you said you are living with your GF and her kids who have practically tried to kill your kids. What kind of answer are you seeking? Grow up. Act like a man. Protect your daughters and stay away from psychos.
When dh I got married. I
When dh I got married. I moved to where he lived because he did not want to uproot his daughter. (19 at the time) I agreed because her mother passed away about 5 years ago. My kids were all grown with their own families. Our agreement was when his daughter was out on her own we would relocate to where I had lived. It is about about an hour drive. I missed my family and friends terribly. There were many issues with sd ( mini wife syndrome) and his son & family did not visit us much. I was fortunate though because my friends and family visited us frequently. When sd moved out we moved back to my hometown. It worked out for us.
Ok... Just read your other
Ok... Just read your other post and DUDE!! Get the @*#& out! Don't wait 6 more months... Pack your bags and go. Your children don't deserve that and as their father you need to put a stop to it. Do you want your daughters to grow up thinking treating others like that is ok? I could go on and on about why you should leave this woman or why you shouldn't subject your children to be treated like that, but deep down I think you already know that. You have a responsibility to children and when it comes to safety they should always come first. Just leave.