I'm sure you all remember my past posts so I won't reiterate too too much. But in a nutshell DH was bending to BM+SKids every whim. They all hate him though and says he's a horrible, deadbeat father because he doesn't go above and beyond (all 3's actual words) which I'm pretty sure giving BM hundreds and hundreds of extra dollars and taking them on our none CO days is above and beyond, but what do I know.
So DH and I talked. I told him that we could pay all BMs bills and she would still call him a loser to the kids and we can't keep caring what she says/thinks/does. He agreed. He tells me the only reason he tries to win back her good graces is because they used to punish with each other. Like if SD was grounded she was grounded at our house too, and vice versa. That stopped on her end as soon as I got pregnant, just like when everything else started. So now the kids think he is a big joke. They even say "Well I can act however I want, you're bringing me back to Mom's in a half an hour"

We had the kids yesterday and he was much better with them. They asked for tons of things like always and he said no. SD wanted us to get a credit card to put on her tablet with a "budget of $10 she can spend per month" He reminded her that he is paying for her cell phone even though she refuses to answer his calls/texts. He also stepped right in when they got mouthy to him or each other and we actually had a really nice visit. No one fought. SD was pissy about not getting everything she asked for but he nipped it each time. Both SS and SD wanted to play in the snow pile outside and DH said no, they can when they bring their snow boots from their moms. SD had a fit and said they are supposed to have double of everything for each house. DH calmly stated that he had given BM $475 for his half of the winter attire/school clothes. We also bought their jackets/sneakers. She didn't say much back to that.
It was only one visit but he mentioned multiple times to me how nice it was compared to how it usually is when they do/say whatever they want. So hopefully he will continue.

I think in terms of the issue with BM he should stop talking to her. Don't answer her calls and listen to her rant about how he's a shitty father. Only texts or emails saying pick up drop off and the like. Unless there's an emergency obviously. Then there will be less drama. Once he stops caring what she thinks we will be in a much happier place.
He is realizing with the kids. Hopefully he'll continue for more than a few visits. I think this upcoming year things have to be very different though. He really needs to stop giving her extra cash. We'll buy clothes ourselves, we'll pay our half of things directly instead of to her. Until court that seems like what will have to take place. I wish I could know for sure if CS would really double. We could afford that, with a smaller 2 bedroom instead of 4. But I would want to give DS the second room and I know DH would never do that. He'd say the kids would never come over anymore. Even though I'm not sure if they even can do that. I know BM can't keep them from us but if one of them says they refuse to come over does that hold any ground?

We already had been planning a downsize to a 3 bedroom in the near future. But DH thought DS should share with SS. I though SS+SD should share with a curtain in between and DS gets the other room. I'm trying to think of every situation.
1.SS+SD share, DS alone (3 bedroom)
2. SD alone, SS+DS share (3 bedroom)
3. DS alone, sleeps in our room on visit days, SD+SS sleep in DS room or take turns sleeping in there(one in room, one on couch) (2 bedroom)
4, DS with SS on visit days, SD sleeps on couch (2 bedroom)
Which of those seems most reasonable? Personally I think it's more appropriate for the twins to share with a curtain in between than to put either 13-14 year old in with a 1 year old. What does everyone else think?