No, you aren't the only one. I used to feel stressed by little things. Having to deal with BM3 every day of the week when she picks up SD6 at my house when she gets off work during her parenting time. I'm an introvert, so this can be a stressor for me. Having to plan my holidays just right. You know. Details.

Then I found Steptalk. I realized that some people have BMs that aren't annoying. They're outright crazy AND dangerous. Even worse, for some sparents, it's the kids themselves that are the monsters. I mean, my stepkids do dumb kid stuff, but nothing worse than my bios, and it isn't personal. It's kids trying to get by with stuff like kids do. Admittedly, it's MORE annoying when it's not my kid, but hey, they're generally great so I'll count my lucky stars.

I have 3 BMs. On the downside, none of them pay much in CS. BM1 is ordered to pay $198 a month, but doesn't pay it. They garnish her PFD once a year, which doesn't come close to covering it, but it's something. BM2 pays hers, but it's only $50 a month. BM3 has 50/50 with DH so neither of them pays. On the upside, BM1 has no custody and no visitation, and lives an hour away, wants nothing but to be left alone. BM2 only gets 8 weeks a year, during the summer, and finally moved out of state. BM3 isn't a monster to deal with. She's just self centered and not very child centric, but I do think she's working to change that.

DH backs me up 100% of the time. He treats my children as if they were his own, and we are on the same page when it comes to parenting. The things we disagree on are small. He's a good man, a good provider, and really the ONLY thing I can cite as a detractor is the fact that he has 3 prior kids with 3 different women. Other than that, he's a gem, and that's not a dealbreaker for me.

Yeah, in short, I've got it good, and thanks to Steptalk, I actually realize it. I don't know how some of these women function. I'd have killed someone already in their shoes.

Welcome! Some of us have it really good, I do as well with some bumps but that doesn't mean I don't want to help others with their situations when I can and that doesn't mean I don't come here for advice either. It is BECAUSE of StepTalk that my relationship is so good because I found it early and knew what I would and would not accept.

I think if you feel like a mom to them, especially since you were there for all their lives, it really wouldn't be that different. Even after having one of my own, if I later adopted a child (which me and DH are considering), I think I'd feel the same. Anyway, everyone's situation is different. Many turn to here when they've run out of options in real life.

IF you are looking for a different environment, then you may try Café Mom. There site is a not so negative and much calmer.

I have been sexually harassed by my SS17 (and I stand by being harassed even tho he was a minor), I had SS13 try to bust windows, kick holes in walls, deliberately feed the dog spicy food so he would get sick. So, I have went thru hell with those kids ad don't see a love developing between us.

Welcome to the site! I think it could be easy to only see the negative, but there are a great deal of women on this site who have very big hearts.

You definitely are not alone!! DH and I get along with both BMs very very well. Before I came in the picture with SS4 was an infant, he had an insanely bad time with BM1. She ran with ss out of state and had to be brought back with police force and DH knows his rights as a father to the letter and BM2 knows this bc she was with him for part of it so she knows not to fuck around with him either when it comes to SD19months. There was initial awkwardness when we got serious but they both are very cool an calm now. I still enjoy the site for asking advice and on whether or not things are normal though.

Each situation is very different. I love my sks, they live with me full time, but Biomom is horrible- in and out of court, kids are in counseling, she is just so bad.... but my sks and I are good.

I was on cafemom for years- helped me through the really hard beginning years. But I switched to steptalk bc people are more real here. And you can get straight forward, direct advice. The cafemom groups I was in got really catty and people would chew each other out, and really unproductive things. I dont have time for that!:) This place is good for getting advice you just have to ask it!

I adore my SS4 he is the cutest lil thing ever. He likes to pick me flowers when out on a walk, he fights off evil dragons for me and gives me surprise hugs.
The reason I am here is because of the BM who is making life difficult. I like to see other peoples experiences of the extremes and work out that if my SS ever gets bad I can plan ahead on how to stop it. I guess look for warning signs.

Nope, you are definately not the only one. I have enjoyed very much being dad to my SS-21. His mom and I met when he was 15mos old and married a week before he turned 2yo.

Interestingly, like you, we became a family when he was very young. His BioDad (The SpermIdiot, DipShit, Worthless POS, etc...) has been significantly non participatory in his life though he has always been and remains a PITA. Our particular cross to bear is Sperm GrandMa who is a toxic bitch from hell.

Other than dealing with the shallow and polluted end of my SS's gene pool we have had nothing much more challenging than the usual kid growing up related drama. Snarky back talk, lack of academic focus, etc... But, he is now 21 and has been in the USAF for 2.5 years and every day makes me more proud of the young man of character that he is working hard to become.

There certainly appears to be a characteristic among the less miserable Blended Family stories that has two things in common. 1 - Very young Skids when the marriage starts and 2 - absent or minimally participative blended family opposition.

Hang out for a while. There is a lot of good advice that comes from the colaboration of SParents. You can contribute from your perspective as well.

Best regards,

It would be far easier with young children and no contact with the bio parent.

It's very different taking on teenagers and adults and having a vindictive bio parent in the background

I am also new here, and have been poking around here for awhile. I also do not have it bad, been in SD9 life since she was 6. We have an unbelievable relationship. DH is amazing and I could not ask for more from a man.

After poking around here, our BM might be batshit crazy like I originally thought, but is highly annoying, difficult to work with, selfish, catty, self centered, secretive, and always right. She definitely does not have SD's best interest at heart, ever!

I have made several post already got some good advice, and also been accused of PAS, so just remember everyone has an opinion and take comments with a grain of salt.

Glad to hear, it is good for you!

I generally get along fine with my adult steps. I think they'd rather I NOT be in their dad's life, but usually they are at least polite. Sometimes even friendly. Very rarely rude.

I'm here because these kids have always controlled DH's life, and still sometimes expect to. Kid calls at dinner? DH leaves the table (or even the restaurant) to take the call. They need money? Sure, let's send some! How much?

So we've had to work on boundaries and setting up expectations for the skids to become fully independent adults. The truth is he is afraid of his kids. Afraid they won't love him. So I have to talk sense into my emotional husband.

We still struggle some. We're all a work in progress.

it's not the norm for the ex to be out of the picture unfortunately. having the other parent around is what causes most of the drama i'm afraid. I think, for the most part, any problems you have would have would be parental vs stepmother in nature, with some lingering moments of "these aren't my kids"? it is a very selfless job you've assumed and commendable. I think as smom's we're shocked to learn after marrying our dh's that we're expected to take on the role you have, but we have to do so under the microscope of the ex and to her expectations. we are not allowed any of the love and credit that is "rightfully" bm's. our dh's see how uncomfortable this is for us and react defensively. in your case, you pretty much get to parent as you see fit and i'm assuming your dh backs you up. for the most part, we get none of that. our only hope is to disengage, bite our tongue and allow mom and dad to continue parenting as they see fit. kind of lurking in the shadows of our own marriage! and we have to FIGHT for this privilege because our dh's (and some bm's) still want us to do the tough parenting on their terms. blah. I've depressed myself.