I have been reading and even wrote one ppost about the exes and the issues that come with them.
I really feel the need to get something out there to everyone.
I have to be honest and say, my post about the ex was not very nice. I HATE HER!
I won't go into too much detail here but if your curious the post about this hatred is in the insecurities forums.
Now I have to go on to say that while I hate the ex I am also to my ex husbands wife THE EX.
I can honestly say that I can see both sides. Feel both sides and have some knowledge of both sides.
In the situation where I am the ex my husband and I split up and about a year later before we were divorced he met his current wife. She was filled with insecurities about me and the way he felt and didn't really want to talk to me or see me as much as possible. She overcame her negative feelings by having as much contact with me as she possibly could. When the kids were picked up, dropped off, calling me to talk about "our Kids " needs and wants and behaviors. They have been together for over 5 yrs now. While together they have had 3 children and now when "my" kids go there they definitely have to deal with blended family issues and stepparenting.
I had no interest in takling my ex back. I knew and he eventually came to realize that we are much better as friends than we are as partners of any sort.
He was, for a while, devoted to me and she was second place. I kept ignoring him, talking to her, refusing to be alone with him and making sure that she was a part of anything and everything that concerned him and his children and my relationship with him.
I feel very blessed that he found her. She is one of the most beautiful, people I have ever known inside and out. I could never ask for a better SM for my kids and we have all gotten to the point that we are all secure in our places in eachothers and our childrens lives. my kids call her mom and that makes me happy, I know if God forbid anything happens to me, she will be there for them and love them as her own. Her kids call me their other mom even though I have never been put in the position of caring for them for more than one day or two at a time. If anything ever happened to my ex and his wife I would gladly assume responsibility for those beautiful children and I know they would ask me to.
This is all in total contradiction to the relationship me and my current have with his ex and child.
I guess the bottom line of this post is to say that while there is sooo much hatred, jealousy, anger and other negative feelings towards the exes and steps, there are also situations that are very positive. I wish everyone could find with their ex what I have found with mine. Life would be so much easier and pleasant for all involved.
BUT when it doesn't work so good I don't believe there should be the amount of guilt that we take on ourselves because of it. Just as the marriages we are trying to work on, all relationships take willingness from all parties involved. If it doesn't work it isn't fair to put all of the blame on one person, whether it is yourself or the other person/people involved. Be fair to yourselves, do what you believe is your best and if things don't go good figure out how to deal with the negative and move past that time period and person/people with no remorse or guilt.
I just can't see the ex always being looked at or talked about negatively....I am the ex!
The anger and hatred on the other hand as well as the other negative emotions? well....I can't really say anything about that, I am still trying to work through my feelings for his ex and son---lol
Have a wonderful and blessed day