At least you're not drunk all the time like some of us have to be.

Honestly I asked my Dr about meds for when SS14 is here. I have to start them 4-6 weeks before his arrival, but so far it is making a huge difference with disengaging... overall, I dont care anymore about if he showers, takes his meds, brushes his teeth - whatever. Granted we have only been home for 1 day (at MIL's for 4 days before) and SS hasn't started his usual sh*t either. I feel lucky that SS14 is only here 2 times per year (summer, and a major holiday week), so it is possible to not be medicated year round... and as soon as he leaves I'll stop the happy pills. But it is much easier for me to deal with life and him while he's here being on them.

When my ss lived with us for 4 months last year-I sunk into a deep depression, hell, I think I was half crazy-I was also taking my dh's leftover muscle relaxers to sleep and drinking lots of wine. I essentially lived in my bedroom. Dark and ugly time for me.

Since yours arent there all the time, i would try and make plans outside the house as often as possible for when they are. dinner with a girlfriend, a weekend getaway, shopping all day, a movie-maybe take up some volunteer work, keep busy as possible when you are home doing things you enjoy. Also encourage your man to take his kids out of the house as frequently as possible if you are there. Definitely forgo the vacation and take one you'd enjoy instead.

I read an interview with George Stephanopoulos years ago in which he stated that he had to take Prozac while he was working for Bill Clinton for his situational depression. Incredible stress will do that. You're not "pathetic." Do what you have to do to stay healthy.

I feel this way a lot. Hubs doesn't really understand and gets upset when I try to talk to him about it. Some days I'm fine but others I really need a break. He will of course let me go out and shop or do something but he tends to guilt me about it so I almost never do

I think that I'm doing the same thing myself. Sd15 is with us for the summer and he drithe opposite ofves me insane. I'm quiet natured which is the opposite of BM home. All I want is my quiet house back I really feel selfish for getting this

Clovergirl, I also moved cities, and countries to be with my partner who has an 8 yr old son. I love kids and get along with them, and SS8 well. But after a year I struggle more and more, I look at him and don't find him cute, I don't care for him like I feel I should, I struggle being here to raise my partners child but being away from my own family. I dont look forward to the weekends we have him, and feel guilty for putting my feelings on my partner,and for feeling this way at all, as all and all SS8 is a good kid. Im not sure what the balance is in trying to spend 'family' time and bond with him, or just getting away from it altogether and doing my own thing.

You are so not pathetic. During the first year of marriage DH's kids wanted to know why I always look depressed. I did not tell them why, but they soon got the picture. They are now grown up and nothing has changed. I am a very happy person normally, until I get home and they are there. I am sure at some point I must have developed some kind of disease from all the stress of having them around. Too scared to go to the doc. Every year of my life I give myself a cut off date when I am going to pack my bags and leave. I am still here.

We developed such depression is because we are sensitive and caring women. Marrying a man with kids is the biggest regret in my life.

I don't blame you one bit! I feel very sad and depressed when I know SD is coming (DH has her every other week for the full week). I dread her coming and the whole week she is with us, I just can't wait for her to be gone! I purposely do things to avoid going home before her bedtime. I will go to happy hour with coworkers, visit my mom, go to the gym, work late, whatever I have to do. I don't want to be around her at all. 2 more days until she is gone for a week! I am counting down!

I am a 27 yr old male who has 5 yr old SD. We are not married yet and I often drive myself crazy. I disengage and we have her 24/7. Been doing this for about 5 months since she moved in with me. Already becoming the biggest regret of my life

I always give myself a cutoff date for when I am kicking them out....so hard. maybe next week

I just ordered that book STEP MONSTER as many posts on this site refer to it. As for the depression issue, I think we get that way because we ACTUALLY CARE about these kids and want them to grow up right and hit nothing but a brick wall with our spouses when we try to teach them. I have decided to disengage for my own sanity and because I love my spouse and want it to work out. I have set some boundries which have helped and I notice my spouse being on the kid's "case" more so the message got through. But it is a daily struggle with each new day bringing more weirdness. The recent thing is nudity. Because it is the hot summer, spouse allows 10 yr old SD to to go around the house in just panties. She loves it of course because she is 10 going on 4. At 10 I would have been mortified to do that. I hate looking at her because her breasts are developing and she is about to start her period and it is just plain wrong. We are not nudists. If you are a nudist then it is not wrong for you of course.
The commonalities on this site are endless: spouse/partner puts kid(s) first; won't let you discipline but wants you to love and adore them and parent them in every other way ( especially in things they don't want to do); kid(s) start to disrespect and test because of the implied "green light" to do so; spouse/partner is blind or oblivious and thinks you are the evil step monster; kid has behaviors that are unacceptable to any civilized society: bad hygiene, bad manners, thoughtlessness, selfishness and a general disregard for anybody but their little selves.
It would drive anybody NUTS.
I think in my situation I see a bit of progress. As long as it goes in that direction and I continue to disengage as I can and set personal boundries then I feel less likely to abandon ship. When things are not going well, I feel like I made a huge mistake.
Nuff said. Good luck friend.

I have bouts of situational depression as you call it. I do everything in the house, plus work full time. It pisses me off when all they do is consume - electricity, space, food and energy - with nothing coming back to me, not affection, not love, not even a f***ing bit of toast on Mother's Day. Sometimes I take a large glass of wine into the bedroom and hide in there, heater, dog, doona and tv. Sometimes I go out and make myself busy so I don't have to be around them, but if I do that too much, I resent them for kicking me out of my own house.

A few times over the 8 years I've been in their lives, I've had a massive fight with SO about them, felt completely trapped, and so taken off in the car for a few hours and just sat and cried. Out loud. Like a child.

You're not alone, and one day it will just be the two of you. I hope you get through it.

You're not pathetic. Trust me.

Since my marriage 7 yrs ago (that included a BM and 3 skids), I have seen numerous psychiatrists and therapists. Everyone wants me to be on meds, and some have even gone as far as to diagnose me with a bipolar disorder bc I am depressed and angry all of the time. Funny thing is, I didn't have any problems before getting married. I firmly believe that my depression is situational, but not sure how to combat it as long as the situation never changes. Meds have helped some; but learning to set boundaries for my own sanity is the only true thing that has helped. There is nothing pathetic in taking care of yourself.

P.S. I always "accidentally" schedule things on kid weekends or "take long naps" in my room. I can't drink bc of meds, but I do take Klonapin when my anxiety gets really bad.

Heck, I'm on medication because of his family...you're not pathetic!! A-holes who can't nor will not control their kids to me are whoosies and...well...better not say it here.

Take time out for yourself. I didn't have this issue before I got married either until all of this crap happened with SS and Manipulative In Law. Now I'm off my medication, suffering terrible withdrawal symptoms and just at my wit's end. I'm about to bring on the Apocalypse if this s**t doesn't stop...

Depression has not only suffered you but we all feel it in time. It depends on the situation. You can read these depressing quotes which makes me more happy for a while.

I thought I was the only one. We have STEPDAUGHTERS 15 and 17 every other weekend and I find myself getting so emotional a few days before their schedule visit. I dont even want to be intimate with DH. He moved in with me and when they come over they take over the whole place. I find myself planning weekend get aways on the weekends they are here. I have spent 3 hours at the gym in order to avoid going home when they are with us. The image of some woman's children claiming my space as if it it were theirs makes me sad. I just bought me a plane ticket to Atlanta because BM decided to take a 13 day vacation during my time off. I had no intentions of going anywhere. I just wanted to relax at home. I told DH if we could come to a compromise and have them stay a few days with his mom so I too could have some downtime. He agreed but this weekend his actions proved otherwise (too long for me to get into). I do not think he will follow through with his plan so I have decided to leave my home for 7 days and spend the other six at my parents. I am afraid if I stay in my home I may say something really mean that I may never be able to take back. I love, love, love my husband but I will never be jumping for joy when his kids come over. I cant wait for them to be off at college.

Yes read stepmonster. It has made me understand I am not such an evil bitch!!