School supplies?
Forums:
Title says it all, do you guys help with school supplies even if you pay cs?
About 2 weeks ago bm asked dh at drop off if he was going to help her pay for school supplies, dh told her "that's what child support is for." And walked away. Well now she's been texting statements like "ss's name starts school x day" and "ss's name has to wear a uniform" to which dh has ignored. Bm gets about 400 a month for ss5, works full time and lives rent free with her pretty well off parents.
Anyway, I'm just curious what y'all think and if you pay extra 
Ps. Bm is a golden uterus who is a bitch about anything and everything with dh unless she's trying to ask him for favors.
Hmmmm I think it works
Hmmmm I think it works different in the US to Aus (where I am) but my ex and I have it written into our consent orders that on top of CS we each pay half for medical, school, and certain other things. He doesn't pay a lot of CS.
OH pays over double the CS to BM, and also pays MOST of the kids school expenses at the beginning of the year (for us this was Feb.) BM just moved the kids to another school half way through the year (after WE paid for full year, winter and summer uniforms, school bus - yearly fee, camps not yet attended, books and stationery etc - for SD starting high school) OH turns to me and says "I guess we better offer to pay for setting them up at school again as BM will need help!!!"
I am sure you heard the resulting explosion from there.... Needless to say, they started their new schools yesterday with NO assistance from us.
Oh, parents here also get an allowance from the Govt of $890(ish) for high school kids and $490(ish) for primary school kids to help with these costs - so she's had that money, AND we paid most of the costs at the beginning of the year - total cost was about $2500 for both kids, we paid $2000 of that.... I just pointed out to OH that she is already in front from what we and the Govt have paid, SHE chose to move and change their schools, SHE needs to sell the old uniforms and discuss getting the balance of fees etc transferred to the new schools or pay it all herself - THIS bank is closed!
I guess for you it depends what your custody papers (?) say?
I see, yeah that's why I was
I see, yeah that's why I was curious because if dh is paying about 400 then bm should be matching that, leaving the total for 800 a month for ss and I would think this is plenty to get school supplies.
Child support is not
Child support is not determined as a 50/50 split. It's determined based on each parent's income in conjunction with the time the kid spends at each parent's home.
If DH's payment is $400, but he makes 2x what BM makes and only sees the kid 25% of the year, then BM's "match" may only be $100.
If you don't want to pay extra for any school supplies because you think it's covered in CS, then don't pay any extra. I think most people will agree that those things should be covered. Just be realistic about what CS is and how it's calculated.
My skids' school doesn't
My skids' school doesn't require the parents to provide any supplies. They need a bookbag and a pencil box. The school provides the rest.
BM buys whatever supplies they want/need. We pay CS and the cost could hardly be considered significant.
wow. no school supplies. BM
wow. no school supplies.
BM is SUPPOSED to pay CS, but doesn't. But even if she did, DH wouldn't expect her to buy supplies on top of CS. Plus, the first year DH and I were together, BM told DH he didn't have to worry about supplies because she'd taken care of it. So on the Sunday before school started, she sent "school supplies" home with skids. For two kids she sent:
-2 folders
-1, 8 count of crayons
-1 spiral notebook
-1, 20 count pack of manila paper
DH gave me money and I spent the next day or two looking for supplies. Now, I just do it myself and I'm keeping the receipts so BM can't claim, as she did at the first court date, that she always buys the kids school supplies.
There's no supplies list
There's no supplies list required by the school, but kids CAN bring their own stuff if they want. We usually get them a pack of cool pencils and a couple folders they like. $10/kid max.
As for backpacks .. we let BM get them. Lunchboxes too. She's tried (in the distant past) to purchase designer bookbags for SD7 (when she was in Kindergarten) and then demand payment of half from DH. Sorry BM .. we're not paying half of anything .. especially not half of a $300 designer bag you're trying to pass off as a backpack.
wow. designer bags...that's
wow. designer bags...that's smart.
I take the kids shopping for backpacks too as BM's mother has this thing where she too spends exorbitant amounts of cash on ridiculous things. Additionally, DH believes there are certain things that kids should be allowed to use to express themselves, such as their backpacks since they wear uniforms, whereas BM's mother believes the kids' expression should be in the price tag. So the kids come home with top of the line backpacks in black or grey while their friends have the latest cartoon character backpacks.
I took the kids to walmart last year and spent $20 ($10 apiece) on their Super Mario backpacks and one lasted the entire year, while the oldest skid supposedly ripped a hole in his during one of BM's weekends it had to be replaced by one of BM's mother's purchases.
I did the same last week, we have a Spongebob and a Super Mario this year.
Oh wow that's really cool
Oh wow that's really cool that the school supplies everything. this is Ss5's first year of school so I find it hard to believe that his school items will be more than 150 including the uniforms. we've priced them at walmart and they are VERY reasonable. I don't understand why she'd ask. To me she gets enough in child support for his back to school items.
The benefit of an expensive
The benefit of an expensive school district, I suppose. This will be the skids first year at this school because BM just moved into that district. Even when the past schools did require parents to provide supplies, we didn't contribute beyond $10/kid (and they got to pick out what that $10 went towards).
They don't have uniforms, so any school clothes they need would be purchased by BM. That's because we don't supply ANY clothes to her anyway .. we each keep a fully stocked wardrobe at each house for the skids.
Thank you, that's exactly
Thank you, that's exactly what I was thinking. Bm acts like dh's support is to take total care of Ss and that she doesn't have to contribute anything so I honestly feel like in her mind she thinks he needs to go above and beyond the support just because he's the father. We seen her the other day and she had brand designer sunglasses on yet she's asking for money for supplies. She knew way back in May (when she got 600 that month because of the 3 pay periods) when Ss started school so why hasn't she budgeted this in?
We got them last year because
We got them last year because it was just a few things & BM was too lazy/stupid to get them. She kept asking for like 100 bucks, when it was only hand sanitizer, tissues, & crayons (she was in kindergarten). This year we will not, SD is with us all summer & BM is still getting CS. She can manage.
"SD is with us all summer &
"SD is with us all summer & BM is still getting CS. She can manage."
Same with us. BM will survive. If she can't afford new backpacks this year, skids still have the ones from last year that are in great shape.
"skids still have the ones
"skids still have the ones from last year that are in great shape."
Funny you should say that, my plan was to let ss6 use his backpack from last year that he loved so much, but skids went to BM house on last day of school and the backpack was "lost". SS6 and SS8 told me "we couldn't find it when it was time to come back to your house"
How do u lose a backpack? I'm pretty sure it was thrown away.
We don't really have skids on
We don't really have skids on school days during the school year, so we rarely (if ever) see their backpacks. They don't bring them here to ever get lost in the first place. That's part of the reason we don't buy them.
If they get lost/damaged at Bm's house .. BM can repair/replace them. This is (luckily) one area that she knows better than to come after us for.
We were recently in Wal-mart with the skids and they saw the huge displays of back to school items. We're considering buying them some lunchboxes or something that they can pick out besides folders, but it will still be a minimal purchase.
I have no doubt BM throws away just about anything the skids take to her house from ours. That would include pictures, toys, clothes, etc. We just don't send things we expect/want/need back.
Sounds like Bm was just
Sounds like Bm was just trying to weasel out as much money as she could thinking you guys would just hand it over. That's how I feel too, she can manage.
My husband CS pays for
My husband CS pays for everything we don't have to pay her anything extra.
DH pays $800 a month, this
DH pays $800 a month, this month $1200 as he gets a extra paycheck (he gets paid biweekly) last year we tried to be nice and help with school supplies only to have BM throw a fit it wasn't right because it wasn't name brand and return it to us which we then donated to the teacher who was thankful for the supplies. We also found out BM went to a local place claiming she needed free supplies because she couldn't make it with two kids - AFTER we provided her with half of SS's "wrong supplies".
This year I feel like since she's getting extra this month and she wanted to throw a fit she can by them. We also bought his backpack last year so this year it can fall on her - I will make sure we get SS a new lunch box for our house, and nice school clothes. (I will make sure they are bought not necessarily buying it just slips DHs mind to order/buy stuff like this)
I get $300 in CS a month for
I get $300 in CS a month for my two daughters, ages 14 and 7. I never ask for anything extra for school supplies, school lunches, school fees, field trips, etc. etc.
Fortunately I now live with my BF who pays a lot of the household bills, but before we moved in together and I was paying my own bills, I still never asked for anything extra on top of CS.