EEEW! I don't think that this behavior of his is appropriate one bit. For SD its a head game and DH is eating up the attention. Wish he knew what messages he is sending her by doing this.

Hugs to you!!!

Maybe you could find some kind of parenting expert who would be able to get it through daddy's thick skull that he is setting up his daughter to have inappropriate boundaries...not only with him but with every other guy in the world.

I've had the same problem. I wasn't accused of being jealous as I've never said a word to FDH about it. But I totally get creeped out by how SD11 is with him in public. I blogged about it last weekend. It's very uncomfortable.

I think you need to let him pull that shit in front of some friends who aren't afraid to call him out on how creepy it looks!!!

Take a picture. See if they like that.

He wouldn't tell me who agree's with him.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
What....is he 12 years old?

I usually think that most SP's get to freaked out to quickly about some of this kind of stuff (me included) ...but yea...a 15 year old should not cuddle with anyone really.

SD was this way with DH. I made sevral comments that it looked like a pedo and that was enough to make it stop....

Sueu you are way off. This is creepy no matter how you look at it. I can't imagine having done anything like that with my dad and we have a very close relationship. This girl is 15 and that is too old to be hanging all over your father. It is not common and it is not normal. Just because you say it is doesn't make it so.

To the OP. Make him feel like what he is doing is gross and how others would see it and I guarantee it will stop. I had to tell SD that we had sex in our bed and that got her to get the hell out of my bedroom.

I'll tell you who agrees with him - SD. No wonder he didnt' want to name names.

I think it depends on how the family was raised... some are more huggy than others.

In my frame of reference, since this is how I was raised, a father and daughter, upon the daughter getting olde than 5, no longer helped her dress, or had her sit in his lap, or anything of the sort. So for me, it would be considered creepy, TO ME. My parents are still married.

However, I had the liberty of seeing a mother hug her son (older brother of a friend) who was 24 at the time, from the back, around the chest, and rock back and forth, which I would view as something reserved for a romantic interest. The family is intact, and very happy at that. Of course, whatever romantic interest I had in him at the time flew out the window because it just odded me out. Hell if I want to compete with a mother like that... would he see me as his mother if I did that to him? Worse, would he get turned on?

So I can see where seue is coming from, as you view it as something sexual, whereas he does not. I don't find it appropriate, just as you don't, while unfortunately your partner does. It stems from a more... primal jealousy, but that is the emotion that is showing up: you believe it is an action shared only with a lover, which is you, but he is showing it to another person when you do not believe it should be. That is pretty much what "jealousy" is. We think of it in a negative connotation of being petty or selfish, but at the heart of it, it is unhappiness caused by having something you believe should be yours alone, given to someone or something else. Unfortunately sometimes seue can be blunt... but I can see why she defines it as such.

Anyway, regardless, this means there needs to be a compromise, and your opinions need to be heard. If one person is uncomfortable with something, it is up to both partners to come up with a solution that is okay with both parties.

By the way, (I am female) I used to kiss my mom on the lips until I reached middle school (12 years old) until I realized it was something reserved for a boyfriend or girlfriend. After revealing that to DH, he also explained he used to kiss his DAD on the lips until he was about 12 as well. I'm sure it made some people uncomfortable...

Anyway, communication and compromise... that's the key. And if that fails, do what the other poster said about night time wood, lol, most creative thing I've seen lately.

I agree that the other person that sees your jealousy is your sd! Duh!

I dont care what name you want to slap on however you are feeling-it is not appropriate. I dont feel it is appropriate for intact families, stepfamilies, or any family. I didnt cuddle, spoon with my dad at 15. My girls who are 15 and almost 11 do not cuddle or spoon with dh. Dh did rub my dd's feet last night-as she was injured and in pain and upset and asked. So he did. With her socks on. Not something he'd normally do or something that she would normally ask for.

It's called boundaries. We all need them. They are important. And I would be totally skeeved out witnessing a scene like you described between any teen girl and her dad. It would have nothing to do with jealousy.

My mother would have been all over my sisters or I if we had acted this way with our father and we were an intact family at that point...Any mother would have issues with this. It doesn't have to be a SM to be jealous to have a problem with a SD acting like her fathers mistress.

different families have different comfort levels- that's as far as i'll go with my opinion of her SD's behavior (i've commented before on this subject, so some of you do know where i stand)

what bothers me most about this, is that DH is not being considerate of his own wife! it's her home too, she's entitled to have some guidelines regarding certain behavior.

asking DH to curtail the lap sitting and feet-in-the-lap massages does not end all contact and affection between them. she asked regarding specific behaviors, and i'm sure DH is capable of figuring out other ways to show affection to his daughter that also show respect to his wife's wishes...

You have every single right to be concerned, when I brought up the fact that "Dear girlfriend, maybe your ex husband has no right to show up every single morning because you guys are divorced already." I got the same attitude, "You are insecure, you are just jealous."

I don't know what am I jealous about. Jealous of a man who cheated on her and emotionally abused her? Jealous of a man who looks like an overweight, miserable bully goes through midlife crisis?

It takes me 2 full days to figure out I am not the problem, she is.

she asks her dad to rub her feet? that is disgusting. absolutely disgusting. :sick:

NO

I have a similar situation.........my SD10.5 and SS12.5 are both extremely affectionate with their dad- my husband- and their is nothing wrong with being affectionate.I just feel there needs to be limitations.

Is it just me or is it odd that they both have to be on his lap all the time?? They even lay on his chest whenever they can.......one on each side. My DH will cradle them in his lap anytime he can......even in public. I see a lot of you saying how you are totally bothered by your DH showing you the same affection as he does with his kids. I have that same issue. I don't particularly want to lay on my DH's bare chest after the skids have just been doing the same thing and DH would rub my back or head like he does the skids. I have two kids of my own 12 year old boy and 9 year old girl and they do not act this way at all. We have our affectionate moments but we have boundaries and not to mention my 12yo son does not want to lay on my chest or sit in my lap.

Glad to know that I am not alone with this..............I have been seeing a therapist trying to help me move beyond this and she also says how unhealthy this is for the skids.

His behavior is totally gross I would NOT be okay with that whether it was my daughter or step daughter. Even if it was a friends daughter with her father I would definitely not want to be in the same room with them and I would tell my own friend that its not normal. SD15 obviously knows what she is doing, I mean when I was 15 I had a serious boyfriend, had sex, owned my own car, worked and knew a lot about the world. With this day and age and kids growing up even faster than ever, I find it very hard to believe she is just being affectionate.
In addition to taking pics and showing FDH after the fact to prove the pedofile factor, I would also use the fact the SD21 is on your side. It is on FDH to stop what he is doing and make better boundaries with his daughter so he doesnt contribute to messing her up even more in the head than she already is!

One more thought: if the behavior is normal parent/child affection then ask your FDH if he would do the same things to SD15 is she was a boy!

OK- I'm the mom in a nuclear family, SS36 is actually biologically my DH's nephew as some of you know. This behavior is gross and inappropriate. Goin is not jealous she is horrified. Goin, is there any posssible way you could talk to her BM about this? She needs to hear from another woman that she'll listen to how weird and sick this is. Your DH is an idiot if he doesn't nip it in the bud, and it sets off bells for me everytime I read a post like this because it's SEXUALLY INAPPRORIATE BEHAVIOR, and parent, stepparent or whoever are the stewards of these kids and are responsible for raising them not completely fucked up. The reason I mention about my nuclear family sometimes is because I think it gives a different "non-step" as it were, perspective. My 2 DD's have never hung all over thier father, ever. They were clingy with me when they were little (momma's girls), but as they grew that was less and less frequent. I never thought about it much it just kinda faded as they grew into young ladies. Sue, you have a knack for twisting around a post to be unflattering and unhelpful to the writer. It's a special gift.

When we first got together, SD13 would be all of DF if she felt I was getting too much attention. It was like she'd come out, piss on her tree and leave. It was creepy then, and it's creepy now (and she does it a lot less than she used too). My BS comes to get a hug from me now and again but he doesn't hang on me, like tooo long of a hug. Anyway, I guess I've no real complaint in that area as the older she gets, the less this occurs. If it was pronounced at 15 I'd be totally skeeved. Even normal affection as my DF and SD have is kind of creepy to me and I can assure you I am not one bit jealous...wonder why I find it so icky then? I think it does have something to do with what I perceive as the manipulation involved. Like how can you so often talk to that man disrespectfully and then come get a hug? ewww

Interesting thread.
I have two teenage kids myself, my daughter us 17 and my son is 13.My daughter gives her BD, SO or me sometimes a nice hug, or to tease me she will sit on my lap for fun until I throw her off.She doesn't do that with her dad .BS 13 still wants a quick cuddle or hug at times but would find it really uncool to be too close for too long.And I would be the same although I miss him being little and cuddly.
What you describe here is obviously far too much and a display of mini-wife behaviour.If the poster is jealous or not is really not the point, Sue- it is the fact that" her place" as his partner is already taken when SD is around.I find that totally disturbing and even more that DH defends himself and puts the blame on his real wife instead of changing it.
My SD was only little (she is now 8 ) when I had those mini wife displays here in my house.They didn't leave any emotional or physical space for me as the adult.I felt not only jealous but also excluded and in hindsight all those feelings were validated.I came to a point that I told SO if he wants an adult spouse partner he needs to stop treating his child like one and create some space.And that included calling us the same pet names, allowing her to interfere and interrupt every conversation etc...the list is long.Most of the time things are in balance now, SD is still all "I, I I" and spoiled but it has been much better- mostly SO ensures that I am the lady and his spouse in the house and the kids are kids- very much loved , but little people , not adults.See, dear poster, the one to blame is your DH not SD who gets away wit her cheeky behaviour and most certainly not you or your feelings.

Honestly - call it jealousy call it anger - call it any damn thing you want to call it.

It is still TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE for a teen (a sexually active one at that) to be sexually touched by an older man. And lap dances are sexual.

Let's just assume that the SM does not even exist. IT IS STILL WRONG. I don't know why some (actually I think there's only one) think that this behavior is normal.