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Normal Behavior???

hellokittyfan's picture

Submitted by hellokittyfan on Sat, 03/10/2012 - 9:12pm

i like my SD9 but holy does she ever make me wonder sometimes. she has what unfortunatly seems to be the usual bad attitude when she comes home from BM house. she lives with SO and goes to visit BM whenever she wants pretty open and fair custody arrangment i think even though BM is awful!!!!! she asked SO to pay her rent not 6 months ago!!!!! he didnt pay it--i think he knew it wouldnt go over well with me LOL.

she can be very sweet however when shes bad i dont even want to be here. she is so disrespectful its unreal!!! i am blanking on all of the things that she says now that i have a moment to myself to post here and watch 20/20 . multi-tasking--isnt that what we do as SM with no thank yous or respect. ahhh yes the things she says to SO: "when i call you, you come here now" etc etc. SO recently has began to correct their (also SS15 will get into that later) disrespectful behavior, after i told him that it was unacceptable and is not teaching them that he loves them just that he is a doormat. im actually really happy that he has started listening to me. Back to issues with SD: she lies all of the time the only way to be sure she is telling the truth is if she reitterates a story a few times, she refuses to sleep in her room because there isnt a TV in there, she is spoiled beyond belief, and she HANGS all over SO ALL the time. when i say i will be sitting on one side of him, she will be sitting on the other holding his hand and then works her way over until she is sitting on his lap. we cannot be in the kitchen for 5 minutes alone. the hanging all over dad thing is the thing that bothers me the most. sometimes i feel alienated from even sitting in the living room because she is laying on the couch cuddling him and i have to sit in the chair off to the side alone. i finally said to her the other night "does something seem different about this picture to you?" i probably shouldnt have but i was so irritated i couldnt hold back anymore. anyway is the hanging thing normal? i find it kind of messed up and wierd. dont know how to tell SO that i find it wierd either?

next SS15 is pretty nice BUT he is totally ADDICTED to video games. has a headset that you talk into and other people talk back. i dont know im not into video games. but its super annoying. finally got SO to get him to move video game system into his room but its terrible. im actually concerned about him because its to the point he isnt going out and socializing at all. i havnt seen him go out with friends in 3 weeks. even his hygene is slipping as of right now he has been in the same clothes since i saw him yesterday at 12pm...its now 11pm the next day. any suggestions???

if you read all this thank you!

i think i may have posted this on forums?? still figuring this site out Smile

Comments

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

Submitted by GoodbyeNormaJean on Sat, 03/10/2012 - 9:35pm

Normal is whatever is normal from kid to kid. I can tell you, this disrespect from the 9 year old and the video game addiction in the 15 year old are happening and are the status quo in your house because it's being allowed.

I'll tell you, my SS13 has XBox live, with the talking headset thing, and my son has an expensive computer gaming setup for a drafting game he plays that is basically the same deal...you get on there and chat with friends. The more time they spend on it, the crappier their attitudes AND hygiene are. They would sit on those games until they molded to the carpet if I would let them, coming out only to pee and look for something to stuff in their faces. We just don't allow that here. They need a parent's permission to turn the system on, and then we set a timer, and when time is up, it's up. If I get attitude, they lose it for a day. If chores go undone or hygiene slips, they lose it for longer until they are towing the line. It's a privelage, not a right.

As far as the 9 year old, your DH needs to put a stop to that crap. I have a SD9 and a DD8. Both of them have sassy little girl mouths, and both of them would have them washed out with dish soap if they EVER talked to me or DH like your SD talks to your DH. That's ridiculous.

I do have one little smartass in the house...my SD5, and thanks to her bad attitude and foul manners, she regularly misses privelages and goes to bed early.

hellokittyfan's picture

Submitted by hellokittyfan on Sat, 03/10/2012 - 9:45pm

thanks for the advice! just one more thing lol how do you just up and change these things? i dont want to be the wicked step mother but their bullshit is unacceptable. esp the video game thing how do we put that in place all of a sudden? just take it away? my SO is kind of a push over and Im...well not lol.

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

Submitted by GoodbyeNormaJean on Sat, 03/10/2012 - 9:55pm

When DH first moved into my house with his kids in tow, I already had 2 kids, and we already had a set of house rules regarding expectations, courtesy, privelages, and chores.

We simply sat down and had a family meeting. I made a little chart detailing what everyone's seperate responsibilities are, and I made it clear that until those responsibilities were fulfilled, there were NO privelages. No tv, no video games, no phone time, no playing, no nothing. We have a limited amount of screen time, which includes tv, video games, or computer, per child, that we allow per day. Once it's up, that's it.

Yes, we just cut them off cold turkey. SS13 was younger at the time, and already addicted. SD9 was addicted to television, and still can't hold a conversation or listen to instructions if a television is on in the house. She can't dress herself in the same room as a tv. It was rough at first, because they had withdrawal type mood swings, but they got over it, and now they are productive citizens. And of course they think I'm the devil, because when they lived with just daddy, they got to police themselves, and now I police everyone, but I've made it clear that I don't give a rat's ass. Privelages are earned in life, and they may as well get used to that now. Besides I can't have my kids zoning out in front of the tv just because that's what his kids want to do. We just do other things.

hellokittyfan's picture

Submitted by hellokittyfan on Sat, 03/10/2012 - 9:59pm

LOL thats great SD does the exact same thing!! its like their friends and on stepchildren dot org plotting shit!! i love her but she gets on my nerves! and shes a big shot and wants to be the boss. i am lucky SO follows through with most of what i tell him. pointed out SD is running the roost around here and im not putting up with it so handle it. and he has been. suggested getting her into counseling and a after school activity (soccer, swimming, anything!) SO agreed and i cant wait for both to start! im hoping if she developes some positive self esteem it will change her attitude!

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Sun, 03/11/2012 - 11:37am

Kayro I do commend you for the yes ma'am, no sir business. That little thing does teach respect for your elders, we all did it where I am, and it is a shame more people don't.

hellokittyfan's picture

Submitted by hellokittyfan on Sat, 03/10/2012 - 10:42pm

i understand the not supposed to be the parent thing. BUT (haha) do you think that if i think something is wrong and point it out and offer advice to SO thats "taking over" or asking Skids to clean their room is parenting. i find that line "your not their parent" is so often used but never truely explained. I grew up with a step dad and he parented me i consider him a parent and i turned out normalish. soooo, i dont understand where that line is drawn. i am not dishing out punishments or anything so am i still on the right side of the fence or not?

hellokittyfan's picture

Submitted by hellokittyfan on Sat, 03/10/2012 - 10:55pm

ok phew im still in the clear! i think we are dysfunctionally normal haha.